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Something I've been praying UPDATE

Colt Super
hard about.

I filed for divorce yesterday.

Doug

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
Audrey left last night and took Deanna with her. I haven't seen either of them today.

This is the first Christmas I can ever recall - except for when I was in the Army - spending alone. It's a strange and depressing feeling. I guess I'd better get used to it.

Your strength and support is helping me immeasurably.

God Bless you all,

Doug
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Comments

102 comments

Date Votes
  • Colt Super
    bob - The absolute last resort.

    We have been going downhill since I first got sick in '93.

    It was mostly my fault. I've tried to fix it, but have not been able to.

    I hope this will make her life more rewarding.

    Doug
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  • MVP
    Sorry to hear it Doug.
    If I can help let me know.
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  • tobefree
    I've been there, filed after 18 yrs together....
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  • Colt Super
    I don't understand why these things happen.

    Where did our love go ??

    Doug
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  • dcon12
    quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
    I don't understand why these things happen.

    Where did our love go ??

    Doug



    Most times the love is still there but the patience is not. Some things love cannot overcome. Don
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  • dolfan
    Doug,
    Is it too late? Can you still salvage your marriage?
    Have you been to a marriage counselor as a couple?

    The love may still be there....

    Best of luck to you, remember, you have friends here.
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  • texaswildman
    Dang Doug, I hate to hear that. hang in there....
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  • Marc1301
    quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
    I don't understand why these things happen.

    Where did our love go ??

    Doug

    Doug,.....you refer to no problems until you got sick.
    I believe the words "for better or worse, in sickness, and in health" come into play here.
    You say you tried to fix it,.......what did you try to fix?
    If you were trying to return yourself to your prior "healthy" status, I am sure you failed.
    Does that change the vows that were taken?
    In my opinion, it does not.
    Maybe there is more to the story, but that is personal, and I am amazed that you have revealed what you have here.
    Look into your own heart,......your health, you can do nothing about at this point, other than to take your meds.
    In all fairness, becoming a caretaker, is a taxing job, if that is what happened.
    My mother did the same for my step-dad that I have mentioned many times.
    She stuck with him to the end, and I also contributed to some of the "nastiest" part of his care, to spare her.
    The man was a physician. Can you imagine how it made him feel to be taken care of by ME partially?
    That is what unconditional love is all about.
    Please do NOT sink into a depression over this,......really.
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  • Colt Super
    We have been to many counselors.

    If there had been any hope, I would not have done it.

    I have never quit loving her since 1982.

    I WILL NOT whine.

    Doug
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  • dheffley
    Doug,

    You, your wife and God know what the best thing to do is, I certainly don't. What ever your decision, I pray it's the right one and God's hand is in it if it is.

    God bless, and good luck,

    Danny
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  • Gordo77
    You will be in my prayers. Sorry to hear, man.
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  • Colt Super
    Mark -

    I have no one else to talk to - just you guys.

    She was never my physical caretaker. I never had her do my laundry once in the 9,000+ days we were together.

    In that time, I prepared the vast bulk of the meals for the Family.

    Not whining, just facts.

    Doug
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  • Marc1301
    quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
    Mark -

    I have no one else to talk to - just you guys.

    She was never my physical caretaker. I never had her do my laundry once in the 9,000+ days we were together.

    In that time, I prepared the vast bulk of the meals for the Family.

    Not whining, just facts.

    Doug

    Doug,....I don't think that you are whining by any means.
    I was reaching into my head from my own experience, and attempting to visualize how a similar situation might have gone bad.
    I am happy to hear that was not the case.
    The reason is very personal to you. Only you, and she, knows the real reason.
    As it should be.
    I am off to work soon, but as I have said several times, feel free to use my number tomorrow if you would like.
    Just keep yourself in the right frame of mind.
    This is a bad time of the year for something like this to happen,.......actually NO time is good.
    You will make it once again![;)]
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  • mond
    Hey bud, it a long time to have with some one, remember the finer points with ya bud, keep it that way & move on.....to fresher greener fields !! [:p]
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  • Permanently deleted user
    Doug,
    Sorry to hear of the choices you have to make. They are NOT easy or quick to make.

    I know nothing of your home situation, as that is personal.

    However, I find it hard to believe it is YOUR fault. I never MADE my ex cheat. Not the first time or the fifth time. I blamed myself too, even thought it WAS NOT my fault.

    You are a good person going through a tough time. You will survive friend.

    You are on my prayers.
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  • 1911a1-fan
    sorry to hear that doug, there is some good advice here i don't know what more to add, i wish you well, and will be here for you if you need it[:(]
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  • Colt Super
    Youz guyz is grate.

    Thank you.

    Doug
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  • William81
    Doug, sorry to hear of your situation, I pray things work out for the best.
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  • JustC
    Very sorry to hear of your situation Doug,....unfortunately I am familiar with the thought process,..just not the decision.
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  • tomahawk
    boy doug, i'm sorry, you are in my prayers, as others have said if you need to talk or vent, e-mail a number and i'll call or if you want mine, ask and you can call collect,..this just happened to a friend of mine, his wife ask him for a divorce, he's 60, she's 50. floored him. he was gonna retire, now he just wants to work, but he found another lady now and is perking up, she's 52 and he met her at the grocery store, a widow lady, now they date and hang around her house and her church. now his ex wife wants him back. WOMEN, he told her no. [;)][:D][:D][V]
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  • bhale187
    I can't imagine what you having been going through to come to this end, and I selfishly hope I never have to experience it myself.
    You have my sympathy and I'll say a prayer for you.
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  • Colt Super
    I know her temper and I know she's furious.

    I wouldn't be too surprised if she killed me.

    So...if I don't check in for a couple of days....

    Seriously.

    Doug
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  • Permanently deleted user
    So if she is furious, then the divorce is unexpected..9000 days translates to over 24 yrs...were you married that long or just together that long?...

    Why is she furious?...are you sure the divorce is wanted by her?..
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  • Permanently deleted user
    quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
    I know her temper and I know she's furious.

    I wouldn't be too surprised if she killed me.

    So...if I don't check in for a couple of days....

    Seriously.

    Doug


    Doug,
    If things are that bad, one of you needs to leave. Get someplace safe and stay armed.
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  • 1911a1-fan
    quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
    I know her temper and I know she's furious.

    I wouldn't be too surprised if she killed me.

    So...if I don't check in for a couple of days....

    Seriously.

    Doug


    she should have thought about that 7 months ago, what the hell are you suposed to do?
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  • kimi
    I'm sorry to hear about this too, Doug. For what it's worth, I have enough respect for your judgement to believe that you have done the right thing. My prayers will be for you and your family as well over the holiday season.
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  • Permanently deleted user
    quote:Originally posted by BlackRoses
    So if she is furious, then the divorce is unexpected..9000 days translates to over 24 yrs...were you married that long or just together that long?...

    Why is she furious?...are you sure the divorce is wanted by her?..


    I don't think Doug ever said SHE wanted a divorce, IIRC HE wanted it.
    I can't blame him under the circumstances. My ex had issues with anger as apperantly his does. Mine did not want the divorce either, why would she, she did what she wanted without worry. She liked that comfort. I did not, after giving many chances to redeem herself. Her response was violence.

    She should count her blessings that I did not defend myself as I could have.
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  • Colt Super
    BR - I left her 18 years ago & came back. I filed for divorce 8 years ago and she filed a TRO that kept me away from my Kids and house - it was dismissed because I have never threatened her or the Kids - nor have I ever physically touched her, other than with love. I came back, then, too.

    By the way, I am not a threatener - I'm a doer.

    We were married for 21 of those years.

    At this point, I really don't have a lot of regard for her wishes.

    She is the Daughter of my best friend in LA.

    Doug
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  • 1911a1-fan
    quote:At this point, I really don't have a lot of regard for her wishes.

    thata boy, stick to your guns, you know what you have to do
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  • Permanently deleted user
    Thank you Doug, for explaining a bit ...
    Again Doug, I am just asking, not laying blame or anything, but why didnt your follow thru on the divorce when you first filed?...

    And please guys, no matter what happens between a man and woman in the marriage, if there are kids, dont, DONT resort to name calling etc, it only makes you look like the bad guy...the kids have a mom and a dad, and they love them both...
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