funny
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=201pgTaEseQ
If anyone on this forum wants to buy the product, publically stating they need it defeats the point.
Maybe some of you can get it for a "friend"0 -
Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.
Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'
The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'
Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in New York , so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'
The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song. Gibson was satisfied.
Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'
The leader directed an aide to hand over a tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'
The leader turned and asked, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?
'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine.
'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'
'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.
So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.
In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took from another, sprayed the rest of the terrorists, killing another 11.
In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'
'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three jerks report that I was the aggressor....?'
Semper Fi!0 -
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A sweet old lady is asked to say Grace at a gathering of her seniors home and she brought down the houseconds into her prayer. Enjoy!
http://stg.do/9i0c0 -
Call the Nestle Crunch Hotline at 1-800-295-0051, when you are asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, just wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile. Promise! Keep going and press 4. Listen to the options...then press 7. If it is busy it is worth it to redial a few times--enjoy 0 -
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From another freind on Facebook. 0 -
"My faith, my country and my family will guide me; nothing more, nothing less" -Gen. Tommy Franks0 -
Finally--a Rational Lawsuit!
Somewhere in the deep south, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigartte companies for causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, that's true" answered the lawyer.
"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries--is that true, mister lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba, but why do you ask?"
"Cause I was thinkin'-maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been wakin' up with."
Love them Beavers
SUPPORT THE I.N.S. , THE COUNTRY THEY SAVE COULD BE YOUR OWN0 -
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A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a preacher, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father took him into his study and said: "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it."
After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's study where the father said: "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut."
The young man waited a moment and then replied:" You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
The preacher said: "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went."
Love them Beavers
SUPPORT THE I.N.S. , THE COUNTRY THEY SAVE COULD BE YOUR OWN0 -
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The Mole Family
-- A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles
are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell
is....
Scroll down.......
Get ready.....
Are you sure you're ready?
You may never forgive me for this one...
MOLASSES[:D]
Love them Beavers
SUPPORT THE I.N.S. , THE COUNTRY THEY SAVE COULD BE YOUR OWN0 -
I had dinner with my brother-in-law's dad the other night. He's a local judge up in n'western NJ.
That evening he'd been in court and a farmer was before him, brought up on a .08 DUI charge. .08 is the cut-off, and the farmer's contention was that he wasn't really impaired, wasn't drunk. The farmer was a massive fellow, just huge, and his point was that he was such a big guy he wasn't intoxicated by how little he'd had to drink.
"Well," the judge asked, "how much did you have to drink?"
"Two drinks," the farmer replied. (And my brother-in-law's dad told me that this is the 100% standard answer. EVERYBODY has only had two drinks. Somebody could be found passed out in the middle of the freeway, 30 beer cans scattered around him, and a blood test would show that he should probably be dead from alcohol poisoning, and in court he'll say, "Two drinks.")
"And how big were each of these drinks?" the judge asked.
The farmer holds up a hand as big as a peach basket and says, "Four fingers. Neat."
Six months without a license, $500 fine, and mandatory alcohol classes.0 -
A middle-aged woman
Seemed sheepish as she
Visited her gynaecologist.
'Come now,' coaxed the doctor,
'you've been seeing me for years!
There's nothing you can't tell me.'
'This one's kind of strange...'
'Let me be the judge of that,'
The doctor replied.
'Well,' she said, 'yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of cents.'
'I see.'
'That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl.'
'That night,' she went on, 'I went again,
Plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were dollars !
You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!,' she implored,
'I'm scared out of my wits!'
The gynaecologist put a comforting
Hand on her shoulder.
'There, there, it's nothing to be scared about.
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'You're simply going through the change![:D]0 -
From an auction:
Information added 11/11/2013 3:31:43 PM]
I now accept Pay Pal + 3.5 % for payment.
[Information added 6/14/2014 10:06:03 AM]
As of NOW, I no longer accept Pay Pal as they are SCUMBAGS.
I guess paypal schooled him.0 -
when all else fails........................0 -
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The Female Genie
While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a beautiful
old bottle in the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a beautiful female
genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?" "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything!" barked Bin Laden.
The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be
returned to that bottle forever." Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and be off with you !"
The annoyed genie said, "So be it !" and disappeared. The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he had! no health insurance.
God is good.
When Clinton left office they gave him a 21 gun salute. Its a damn shame they all missed....0 -
The topic on the Feral Cat reminded me. I drove a different way around town yesterday.
Was looking for a place to eat, when what do I notice a Chinese place I had not seen before. With a dog grooming place right next door.
That's one place I would not take a dog to be groomed.0 -
Hello, is this the Police?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank y...ou very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Police descend on Billy's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy and left
The phone rings at Billy's house: "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the Police come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas, Buddy"0 -
i watched this 3 times and i still laughed
http://www.wimp.com./doorprank/0 -
HAHA atleast hes telling the truth [:D]http://www.flurl.com/item/honesty_u_99671/ 0 -
The pharmacist found a customer leaning against a wall inside his shop. He asks his newly-hired clerk why the man is leaning against the wall. Clerk: He wanted some cough medicine but since I couldn't find any, I gave him laxatives instead. Pharmacist: Laxatives don't help against coughs! Sure it does see he wont dare to cough! [:0] 0 -
Why Rednecks Make Good Soldiers
Dear Ma & Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt & Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt & Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, they git warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc..., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food. But tell Walt & Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.
The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors & Colonels just ride around & frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt & Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Be sure to tell Walt & Elmer to hurry & join before other fellers get into this setup & come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Gail
P.S. Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 towards a new barn roof & ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.0 -
i thought a few of you older guys on here would enjoy this. my mom sent this to my pop!
http://www.toilette-humor.com/valentines/valentine_foogies.html0 -
political rhapsody
http://madblast.com/view.cfm?type=FunFlash&display=31690 -
Its business time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU&feature=related0
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