bad day
I kinda new he was sick, (he was 11+) but Ruthann came home from work last night and found my hunting dog laying next to my son's bed dead. Not a good night. I tried to deal with it the best I could, but things are tough.
I see him everywhere, and when I come home I expect to see his nose come around the door. At least he didn't suffer. He didn't deserve that, and I wouldn't, AND DECIDED NOT TO put him through the misery of any surgery, especialy when the vet said nothing is guaraunteed.
They did some x-rays 2 days ago and found some masses in his abdomen. Yesterday he was running with his girl friend next door, a german shorthair, and never let on there was a problem, he still jumped up to my truck seats without assistance. I figured to have him around a little longer, today he's gone.
I do miss him
Gene
I see him everywhere, and when I come home I expect to see his nose come around the door. At least he didn't suffer. He didn't deserve that, and I wouldn't, AND DECIDED NOT TO put him through the misery of any surgery, especialy when the vet said nothing is guaraunteed.
They did some x-rays 2 days ago and found some masses in his abdomen. Yesterday he was running with his girl friend next door, a german shorthair, and never let on there was a problem, he still jumped up to my truck seats without assistance. I figured to have him around a little longer, today he's gone.
I do miss him
Gene
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Wonderful Daughter Andrea is not my natural child - but I'm the only daddy in her life since she was 8 months old. She is now 25.
Try telling her that she isn't my Daughter.
If you love her, let that be your motivator. Don't let yourself get lost in a bunch of meaningless semantics.
She is yours.
And f88k anybody that tries to tell you differently.
Doug0 -
The gene pool has very little to do with being a good father save for ego!!!
I have a friend that went thru this and I wish I had a dollar for every time he has said that little girls name!!!
You have a tuff road ahead for sure...and one I think, I would think long and hard upon!!!
Also by the time I was out of High School Cancer had taken my dad and my Step-dad. The man that moved in when I was sixteen turned my life around and stood beside me thru the worst times of my life. The man gave me a brother that turned out to be the best friend I ever had!!! Genetics may make you related they'll never make you a father!!!0 -
quote:Originally posted by Zulu7
The bright side (yes, there is one) is that if the mother wants to try to gank you for child support, you don't have to pay.
Wrong....If the court finds that it is in the best interests of the child he can still be held liable for child support, especially if the mother refuses to disclose the other man's name....
That being said: Jake, fatherhood is a state of mind.....If you were that child's father last night, you're her father now.
God bless0 -
Sorry to hear about your situation. Let it sink in and then decide what you believe is in the best interest of the child and yourself. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by BlackRoses
Jake...
So you found out you didnt provide the sperm...big deal...that is NOT what matters...
You provided the guidence, the love, the support, the kisses, the hugs...In other words, you provided the fathering....
DNA be damned...you are her father and any court will see that and help you IF you want to remain her father...She loves you and you love her, is not that what matters?...If you want to remain in her life, then fight for it, and show her and the world you love her and want her...you are her father...
exactly Jake...she knows no other DAD..but you, stay strong bro...stay in her life...I know you love and care for her..it shows...prayers sent..best wishes,Loko[;)]0 -
Very good advice from BlackRoses.
Jake,
There is more to being a father than being the "donor".
For the child's sake (and your own), stay involved in her life.
She loves you and she needs you.
Best wishes.0 -
I have a good friend who has no natural children of his own. He has 2 step daughters from a marriage that he is no longer in. The girls are now teenagers, and still call him Daddy, even though their real father is around sometimes and there are other guys in and out of mother's house. My friend is the only father figure who really showed love and concern for them.
There is a huge difference between a Daddy and a sperm donor. Donor produces the kid, Daddy loves and cares for them. May be the same person, but very well may not. Sounds to me like you are the Daddy. I pray that you can convince the judge of that.0 -
ditto on what JamesRK said......and when my 15 yr old says "daddy" we all know that she means the man who has raised her for the past 13 years. Just stay in her life no matter how easy it may be to let go and move on (which you KNOW that day will come) because she will need a good man in her life. Little girls don't do as well when they don't get what they need growing up without a good father figure to show them what to look for when they grow up and settle down. 0 -
been in the step-parent situation both ways & have other kids that treat me better than some of my own...grandkids i would do anything for...sounds like you may be the major stable item in this kids life....good luck ....DAD 0 -
Never ask a question you don't really want the answer to.
What was the reason for the test? Court ordered? Support issue?0 -
quote:Originally posted by Jake_S-83
Got the dna test results back in the mail this morning. My daughter who is almost 2 isn't mine. Her mom and I aren't together and I had the test done to help with me seeing her with the court process. I never imagined she wasn't mine. I love that little girl so much. I don't know what the hell im doing. just needed to get this out.
catch you all later
None of that changes her being your daughter or you being her dad. Do right by her and to heck with the DNA. Her mom was to blame for that, not you or her.
God bless you for being there for her.0 -
thanks for all the kind words. Im still in kind of a daze right now. If anyone is going to the topeka gun show tomorrow drop me a line. go grab a brew or something tomorrow. good night guys.
jake0 -
quote:Originally posted by Jake_S-83
thanks for all the kind words. Im still in kind of a daze right now. If anyone is going to the topeka gun show tomorrow drop me a line. go grab a brew or something tomorrow. good night guys.
jake
How far away from Riley are you? I'll be in Kansas next month.0 -
...DNA, GNA, YWCA, you raised her, you love her, SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER,...PERIOD!!!...has to be tough, best of luck with the "law" part...[;)] 
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quote:Originally posted by Rack Ops
quote:Originally posted by Zulu7
The bright side (yes, there is one) is that if the mother wants to try to gank you for child support, you don't have to pay.
Wrong....If the court finds that it is in the best interests of the child he can still be held liable for child support, especially if the mother refuses to disclose the other man's name....
That being said: Jake, fatherhood is a state of mind.....If you were that child's father last night, you're her father now.
God bless
Rack Ops is right. Deck's stacked against the father from day 1. Divorcing and dad wants custody? Good luck. Statistically, mom will win that one 8 times out of 10. Control over how mom spends the child support cash? Please. If she wants to take her boyfriend out on the town every time she cashes the check, grin and bear it. Pregnant and mom wants an abortion but dad doesn't? Tough, "It's my body..." Pregnant and mom wants to keep it and dad doesn't? Tough, dad pays child support until the kid's 18. DNA says you're not the father? Tough. You may be forced to continue to support the child and the powers that be will not make the the mother reveal the identity of the biological father. All here who point out that fatherhood is far more than being the sperm donor are correct and I sympathize with your situation. It just flat out blows that the laws are so biased against the father when the issue of parenthood is involved.0 -
quote:I love that little girl so much
...'bout says it all. I pray for wisdom for you in deciding how you are going to handle this situation.0 -
the answer is simple,..there has only been you for 2yrs,..so SHE IS YOURS. I doubt anyone will just jump right in and start making up for lost time and paying for everything for the past 2yrs, so chances are, she is your daughter IMHO and I'd be fast on the trail of 1/2 custody,....especially since YOU CAN PROVE infidelity and really nail her to a cross. 0 -
Best wishes and prayers for you, guy. I walked our oldest girl down the aisle, and administered the oath of enlistment to our oldest boy. The do not share my DNA- I inherited them at ages 8 and 11. But damn straight I am their daddy- and I am Grampa to THEIR kids. DNA is WAY overrated, anyway. With diabetes and high blood pressure, it may be a good thing they DON'T get their genes from me. Good luck- and remember- behavior issues were MOM'S- not your little girl's. 0 -
why dont you lay off guns for a while and get your head together. sit down and make a plan of action. study it and engage.[^] 0 -
"What was the reason for the test? Court ordered? Support issue?"
- nunn
I am also interested on what prompted the test??
Doug0 -
some good advice here jake
+1 blackroses
Why can't women just tell you the truth. hang tough man0 -
mateomasfeo can correct me if I am wrong, but in Texas, if a child is born during a marriage, the law presumes that the child is that of the husband in the marriage. It is a rebuttable presumption, that is, if there is a divorce, the father can contest paternity and the judge will order a DNA test. If a child is born outside of marriage, the law makes no presumption, but if the mother tries to get support, or if the father tries to assert his rights, the judge will order a DNA test.
I have only heard of one case where a judge ordered support payments from, or granted custody rights to, a man who was not the biological father. Bio-dad was in prison. Mom was on her way to prison. Mom and the man she had lived with the last several years were on the outs, but he was the only father her children had known, so the court granted custody to mom's ex-boyfriend.
I understand that in California, there has been at least one case where the presumed father was not the biological father, but he had been doing the job of the father long enough that the judge ordered him to pay child support when he and the child's mother split up.0 -
Black Roses and COLT have hit it dead on. 0 -
BlackRoses and COLT are right, in a moral sense, but not necessarily in a legal sense, and this sounds more like a legal issue.
My last ex-wife has a son. When we got together, he was just a little guy, barely walking. He was 11 when we divorced. His father had little to do with him, so I was all the father he knew, but since he did have a father that he knew, I never adopted him.
During the divorce negotiations, I asked my lawyer about whether I would be allowed to maintain a relationship with the boy. He said NO, emphatically NO. He said that the ex told her lawyer, and her lawyer told him, that I was to have no contact whatsoever with the boy. I asked what I could do about that, and he told me nothing, that I have no rights.
I hope he is doing well.0 -
Jake, hope I'm not dredging up bad memories....I was wondering if you had any updates 0 -
sorry to hear about your problem, keep your chin up and love the little girl. 0 -
Any man can be a father,it takes a real man to be a Daddy.DNA is the smallest part of fatherhood.Black Roses covered it real well. 0 -
Hope it all works out the way you want(wich way that is) 0
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