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Joke Of The Day

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61 comments

  • Alpine
    Redneck Coroner...

    Three smiling corpses are lying in a morgue in Alabama, and a detective goes into the coroner's to find the causes of death. The coroner points to the first dead man.

    "This is Cletus," he says. "He died of shock after winning $20 million on the lottery."

    He then moves on to the second smiling corpse. "This is Bo," the coroner says with a grin. "He died having a 'good time' with Trudy-May."

    Finally he moves on to the last smiling corpse. "This is Roscoe," says the coroner. "He died after being struck by lightning."

    "Well," asks the detective, "Why in heck was the fool smiling?"

    "Oh," says the coroner. "He thought he was having his picture taken."

    [:D]

    Jeff
    0
  • Alpine
    A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of bucks for dinner.

    The man took out his wallet, extracted five dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"

    "No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.

    "Will you use it to gamble?" "I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

    "Will you spend the money on going down to the range and blasting off a few shots?"

    "Are you MAD? I haven't been shooting in 2 years!" The man said,

    "Well, I'm not going to give you this five dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."

    "Probably!" replied the kind guy "But it's worth it so I can show my wife what someone looks like two years after they stop shooting!"
    0
  • Alpine
    Here's a good old story about a good old boy from Texas:



    Seems a guy cruises through a stop sign, or whatever, and gets pulled over by a local policeman.



    Guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his (CCW ~ Concealed Carry Weapons) permit.

    "Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?"



    "Yes, I am."



    "Well then, better tell me what you got."



    Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There's a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box.

    And, I've got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot."



    "Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"



    "Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 and a shotgun. That's about it."



    "Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range?"



    "Nope."



    "Well then, what are you afraid of?"


    Not a dam thing
    0
  • Alpine
    Post Turtle

    While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old California rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

    Eventually the topic got around to Nancy Pelosi and her elevation to speaker of the house.

    The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Nancy is a post turtle."

    Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

    The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle." The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the dumb ass get down."
    0
  • Alpine
    I'm reaching out because a friend of mine needs some help !!!!
    His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help
    him get an erection.

    When he came back, he tossed her some diet pills.

    Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.
    0
  • Alpine
    An American wrestler was listening to his managers advice about his next match. The guys an Australian who has this lock hold that he calls a Kangaroo Hold. If he gets you in this hold youre screwed. It can not be broken. The manager demonstrated the hold and ways to block it.

    The match started,and immediatly the American boy got locked in the hold The manager threw his hands over his eyes in utter dispair. Suddenly the crowd went wild. The manager looked up and saw the referee holding up the Americans hand in victory. Back in the getdressing room the manager said i did not see what happened. How did you break that hold?


    Well the wrestler said he had me all twisted up and i looked up and saw this pair of balls hanging in front of my face so i bit them. Youd be suprised how strong you can get when you bite your own nuts.
    0
  • Alpine
    Some may find this one amusing:
    quote:A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes strides toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.

    The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

    When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

    The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an jerk!"

    Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

    On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

    Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

    Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

    Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

    "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

    "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

    "Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

    "Aggressive and hostile?"

    "Yes, Sir."

    "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for jerk?"

    "Well, sir, you know your client better than I do."
    0
  • Alpine
    MY FORGETTER!! My forgetter's getting better But my rememberer is broke To you that may seem funny But, to me, that is no joke For when I'm "here" I'm wondering If I really should be "there" And, when I try to think it through, I haven't got a prayer! Often times I walk into a room, Say, "what am I here for?" I wrack my brain, but all in vain A zero, is my score. At times I put something away Where it is safe, but, Gee! The person it is safest from Is, generally, me! When shopping I may see someone, Say "Hi" and have a chat, Then, when the person walks away I ask myself "who was that?" Yes, my forgetter's getting better While my rememberer is broke, And it's driving me plumb crazy And that isn't any joke. CAN YOU RELATE??? Please send this to everyone you know because... I DON'T REMEMBER WHO I SENT THIS TO .
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  • Alpine
    A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool
    > he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
    >
    > The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"
    >
    > The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please."
    >
    > The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the
    > man had ever had.
    >
    > The robot then asked, "sir, what is your IQ?"
    > The man answered "oh, about 164 "
    >
    > The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity',
    > inter-stellar space travel', 'the latest medical break throughs',
    etc......
    >
    > .
    > The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would
    > try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot
    > clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."
    >
    > Again it was superb.? The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"
    >
    > This time the man answered , "Oh about 100". So the robot started
    > discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to
    > expect the Dodgers to do this week end.
    >
    > The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a
    > stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"??
    >
    > This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".
    >
    >
    >
    > The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,
    >
    >
    > "A-R-E
    > Y-O-U-R P-E-O-P-L-E R-E-A-L-L-Y G-O-I-N-G
    > T-O N-O-M-I-N-A-T-E
    >
    >
    > H--I--L--L--A--R--Y
    0
  • Alpine
    Short and Funny



    I dialed a number and got the following recording:
    "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.

    I am making some changes in my life.

    Please leave a message after the

    beep. If I do not return your call,

    you are one of the changes."


    ~~~~~


    At pilot training back in the

    Air Corps they taught us,
    "Always try to keep the number

    of landings you make
    equal to the number of take

    offs you make."
    ~~~~~


    Aspire to inspire before you expire.


    ~~~~~

    My wife and I had words,
    but I didn't get to use mine.


    ~~~~~

    Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
    ~~~~~

    Blessed are those who can give without remembering
    and take without forgetting.


    ~~~~~


    The irony of life is that, by the time

    you're old enough to know your way

    around, you're not going anywhere.
    ~~~~~


    God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
    of an answer for her first question.


    ~~~~~



    I was always taught to respect my elders,
    but it keeps getting harder to find one.

    ~~~~~

    Every morning is the dawn

    of a new error.
    0
  • Alpine
    ATTENTION

    ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

    YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST EMAILING TO SAY GOODBYE.
    0
  • Alpine
    In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa.

    One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans and African Americans is not the correct answer.

    I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

    A new Muslim clothing shop opened here in Sanford, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

    You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

    A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a mustache."

    Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Face Book. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know, 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!

    Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ... "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick buzzard."

    The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.
    0
  • Alpine
    You may have seen this, it has been around for a while.

    The Police Stop

    A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has
    the following exchange:

    Officer: May I see your driver's license?

    Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got
    my 5th DUI.

    Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

    Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

    Officer: The car is stolen?

    Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I
    saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting
    my gun in there.

    Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

    Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and
    killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the
    trunk.

    Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

    Driver: Yes, sir.

    Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
    The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain
    approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

    Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

    Driver: Sure. Here it is.

    It was valid.

    Captain: Who's car is this?

    Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

    Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can
    see if there's a gun in it?

    Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

    Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

    Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told
    you said there's a body in it.

    Driver: No problem.

    Trunk is opened; no body.

    Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped
    you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole
    the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was
    a dead body in the trunk.

    Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
    0
  • Alpine
    You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start.
    >
    > The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25
    > to life would be appropriate.
    > --Jay Leno
    >
    > America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
    > --Jay Leno
    >
    > Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
    > A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
    > --Conan O'Brien
    >
    > Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
    > A: A fund raiser.
    > --Jay Leno
    >
    > Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
    > A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The
    > other is for housing prisoners.
    > --David Letterman
    >
    > Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and
    > it started to sink, who would be saved?
    > A: America !
    > --Jimmy Fallon
    >
    > Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
    > A: Bo has papers.
    > --Jimmy Kimmel
    >
    > Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
    > A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
    > --David Letterman
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  • Alpine
    I know a guy who lives in Pennsylvania and sorta has a beard.
    He is Am ish
    0
  • Alpine
    Las Vegas Churches

    THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.

    NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED

    SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.

    THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.





    THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS...! :)




    YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU ? GOTCHA
    0
  • Alpine
    Living Will

    Last night, my wife and I were sitting
    in the living room talking about many things.
    The idea of a living will came up and I said
    to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative
    state, dependent on some machine and fluids
    from a bottle. If I ever come to that just
    pull the plug."

    She got up, unplugged the TV and then
    threw out my beer.




    Bitch.....
    0
  • Alpine
    A cowgirl, who moved to Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and
    orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip
    out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the
    bar and orders three more.


    The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes
    flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
    The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in
    Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas,
    we promised that we would drink this way to remember the days when we drank
    together. So I am drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for
    myself."


    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
    The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same
    way, she orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day she comes in
    and orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice And fall silent. When
    she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I
    don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences
    on your loss."


    The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her
    eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains. "It's
    just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit
    drinking. Hasn't affected my sisters, though."
    0
  • Alpine
    Lawfirm.jpg
    0
  • Alpine
    A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA
    DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY.

    WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN, HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES
    TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB.!

    HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN
    APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR.

    IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT
    FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE
    COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.

    THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A
    TREE. "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES
    IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS."

    THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD
    FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER."

    THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS
    ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE
    PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A
    BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.

    THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET.

    THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN
    QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR.

    ONE MORE test. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE
    FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD THROUGH HIS
    DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?"

    BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, "WHITE OAK,
    242 BOARD FEET AT BEST"

    THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A
    LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE
    IS.

    AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA
    TO STEP OUTSIDE. HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE
    THAT TREE OVER THERE?" I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT
    TREE.

    THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS
    THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"

    WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE
    LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON
    THE TRUNK.

    HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. "THAT THAR'S
    THE FRONT", THE REDNECK SAYS.

    THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, "HOW IN THE
    HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"

    THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS
    LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A
    poop BEHIND IT."
    HE GOT THE JOB AND IS NOW THE FOREMAN!!!!!
    [:D][:D][:D]
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  • Alpine
    A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
    "Of course. What may I do for you?"
    "Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robe perhaps?"
    "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
    "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
    When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
    "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
    The official thought the answer was strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
    "I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
    Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father.
    0
  • Alpine
    Dear Sirs:
    > In view of what seems to be happening internationally with
    > banks at the
    > moment, I was wondering if you could advise me. If one of
    > my checks is
    > returned marked "insufficient funds," how do I
    > know whether that refers to
    > me or to You?
    0
  • Alpine
    The help button listed on Gunbroker.com [?][:D]
    0
  • Alpine
    I saw a Radical Muslim fall into the icy Columbia River this morning about 8:20.

    As a responsible citizen, I informed the local office of emergency services.

    It's now 6:00 PM and they still haven't responded!

    I'm starting to think I've wasted a stamp.
    0
  • Alpine
    Body Statistics



    It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

    One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

    The average man's BallPark Frank is three times the length of his thumb.

    Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

    A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

    There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

    Women blink twice as often as men.

    The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

    Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are

    standing still.

    If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.



    Women reading this will be finished now.

    Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.
    0
  • Alpine
    Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in PITTSBURGH.

    One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

    Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

    So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hootch and got completely smashed.

    The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!

    NO bad side effects. Nothing!

    Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

    Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

    Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

    Bud says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

    "Yeah, well there's just one thing."

    "What's that?"

    "Have you farted yet?"

    "No "

    "Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver
    0
  • Alpine
    http://www.jsonline.com/news/state/nov05/373937.asp

    The county nursing home is being downsized for lack of funds. What they going to do, shoot brats into space? Your tax dollars at work.....

    joe
    0
  • Alpine
    No speaka da English:
    A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

    The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

    'Emma come first.
    Den I come.
    Den two asses come together.
    I come once-a-more!
    Two asses, they come together again.
    I come again and pee twice.
    Then I come one lasta time.'

    The lady can't take this any more,

    'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig !' she retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives!'

    'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' bouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi.'



    $ 1.00 says you're gonna read this again.
    0
  • Alpine
    An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
    in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
    He says to the waiter:

    "Want coffee."


    The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."



    He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
    The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
    turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
    causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
    and then just walks out.


    The next morning the Indian returns.
    He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
    another male buffalo with the other.
    He walks up to the counter and says to
    the waiter

    "Want coffee."


    The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto! ll
    We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about,
    anyway?"

    The Indian smiles and proudly says .



    "Training for position in United States Congress:
    Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
    leave mess for others to clean up,
    disappear for rest of day.
    0
  • Alpine
    A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover Southern California's wildfires. The magazine wanted pictures of the heroic work the fire fighters were doing as they battled the blazes. When the photographer arrived on the scene he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede, or even make impossible, his obtaining good photographs from ground-level. He requested permission from his boss to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved, and via a cell phone call to the local county airport, necessary arrangements were made. He was told a single-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. He arrived at the airfield and spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar.
    He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind, and roared down the runway. Within just a minute or two of his arrival they were in the air.
    The photographer requested the pilot to, "Fly over the valley and
    make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures of the fires on the hillsides."
    "Why?" asked the pilot.
    "Because I'm a photographer for a national magazine," he responded, "and I need to get some close-up shots."
    The pilot was strangely silent for a moment; finally he stammered,
    "So, you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"
    0

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