Leeching in-laws
My wife just got taken for $200 dollars by her leeching family. We have been up and down this road for the 7 years we have been married. She was doing well but has slipped back since her grandmother came down to live here.
My wife just doesn't get it. I yell, I rationalize, I do tell her to use me as a excuse not to give money to them. Yet if I want to buy a gun or something that I want, I'm the bleening bad guy.
How do I fix?
My wife just doesn't get it. I yell, I rationalize, I do tell her to use me as a excuse not to give money to them. Yet if I want to buy a gun or something that I want, I'm the bleening bad guy.
How do I fix?
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a few ways. explain to her that when people get married their first obligation is to their spouse. second, ask that she consult you first before any money is spent. third, tell her she can only spend HER money on other people. fourth, get a girlfriend 
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quote:Originally posted by OJMayo
a few ways. explain to her that when people get married their first obligation is to their spouse. second, ask that she consult you first before any money is spent. third, tell her she can only spend HER money on other people. fourth, get a girlfriend
1) Tried it and still actively try to bang it home
2) Tried it and she usually does except when her family guilts her into giving them money.
3) I disagree with his and hers money. I beleive when we got married it became our money.
4) The day I got married I took my vows seriously so no thank you.0 -
You got off cheap.
I'm out $50k. But I think that now my wife understands why I faint if she gives money to her brothers and sisters.0 -
Some of my friends have oriental wives and have major problems with their inlaws. These people believe that when you marry their girl, they become your blood family.
They are subject to move in with you after you've spent the money getting them out of their country. You have to spend the money to get them a place to live to get them out of yout home.
After they're out, you have to spend money to pay their expenses to keep them out of your home again. Just when things are finally starting to work out -- they've found jobs, etc., a new cycle starts with another relative wants to come and live in the US!
Glad my wife is "made in the USA".0 -
quote:Originally posted by Alpine
You got off cheap.
I'm out $50k. But I think that now my wife understands why I faint if she gives money to her brothers and sisters.
Not really. My wifes truck got repoed with over $30k paid into it because instead of sending the cash her father just pocketed it for the last 6 months. I always asked for the info to send it off myself but he would always tell me not to worry about it and just give the money to him to send off. I never thought anyone would do what he did to his own daughter.
She had gotten the truck right before we got married and only had 3 more months until the damn thing was paid off.
180A my wife is American and born here as well. Even my wife isn't stupid enough to do what you describe.0 -
Try the fainting thing. It's been working for me lately. 0 -
Separating accounts may be the only way to do it. If your wife thinks you're Daddy Warbucks, it's because you've been too permissive with the checkbook. And while I'm trying not to impugn your wife's character (I'm sure she's a lovely person), people will take any inch you give them and make it a mile.
As for your in-laws, tell them that if they want something, they're going to work for it. Making them bark like a hungry dog sounds like a good start. "Oh, you want two hundred bucks? Here it is, but I want to hear you bark. Go on! Bark!"
Get whatever you can out of these parasitic cretins and you make sure it's good and humiliating. Hell, I'd videotape if at all possible. "This is a grown man begging for two hundred bucks because he's too lazy, stupid, and worthless to work for it."0 -
quote:Originally posted by Kodiakk
My wife just got taken for $200 dollars by her leeching family. We have been up and down this road for the 7 years we have been married. She was doing well but has slipped back since her grandmother came down to live here.
My wife just doesn't get it. I yell, I rationalize, I do tell her to use me as a excuse not to give money to them. Yet if I want to buy a gun or something that I want, I'm the bleening bad guy.
How do I fix?
go to the inlaws tell them if theyu don't pay it back now you will beat one of them to death with a stick.
You shouldn't have to kill more than 1 or 2 3 at the most before they get the idea it aint a good thing to borrow from you and yours[}:)][}:)]0 -
Loaning money to relatives is always a gift. Very few actually feel the obligation to pay it back. I guess unsuccessful members of a family feel that it is the responsibility of the successful ones to share in the bounty! It always seems to work out that way.
Once you cut them off and they understand you are serious they seem to disappear and not want much contact after the money dries up, gee I wonder why!![:(][;)]0 -
quote:Originally posted by Kodiakk
My wife just got taken for $200 dollars by her leeching family. We have been up and down this road for the 7 years we have been married. She was doing well but has slipped back since her grandmother came down to live here.
My wife just doesn't get it. I yell, I rationalize, I do tell her to use me as a excuse not to give money to them. Yet if I want to buy a gun or something that I want, I'm the bleening bad guy.
How do I fix?
Simple, for every dollar she gives her family you get same dollars to spend on firearms. That should do the trick.0 -
This may sound like a flippant answer, but it's not intended to be. The closest I have ever lived to my in-laws was one hundred miles. I consider that to be a little to close, but it is the absolute minimum. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by JamesRK
This may sound like a flippant answer, but it's not intended to be. The closest I have ever lived to my in-laws was one hundred miles. I consider that to be a little to close, but it is the absolute minimum.
I honestly think that right there is the solution. To bad my job is here. [:(]0 -
Promisory note.. sign here... Stop the non sense. 0 -
What would/do you do if it were YOUR parents instead of in laws?..
And dont say your parents would never do it etc...the question was IF it were your parents, what would you do?. Would you feel the same?...0 -
BlackRoses,
I've leant money to friends before - dear friends who I consider family.
I don't expect a dime back and would be insulted if they tried to repay me.
But then again, they do not engage in the sort of behavior Kodiakk has told us about. Pocketing truck payments? That's not a parent - that's a f***ing leech. When my friends and family ask me for help, I give it gladly because I know there is a genuine need behind their request. They ask out of necessity, not convenience.0 -
Emm..
The question was to Kodiakk.....
Seems a few have a different story when its THEIR parents, but when its the inlaws?....There have been quite afew of "pocketing the truck payment"....quite often parents are a bit "too proud" to ask for help....0 -
BlackRoses,
If Kodiakk's folks had been so conniving as to rob him, I'm sure he'd feel the same way. Larceny really knows no bounds.[;)]0 -
Have you talked to these people about NOT asking her for any money...but letting you know if they are in a bind? At least that way you would get "heads up" when they were about to run you over.
Good thing about it....seems your wife is a good hearted person....and thats getting harder and harder to come by.0 -
quote:Originally posted by BlackRoses
What would/do you do if it were YOUR parents instead of in laws?..
And dont say your parents would never do it etc...the question was IF it were your parents, what would you do?. Would you feel the same?...
My Mom wouldn't be in the need for help. We have helped out the inlaws a time or two because we wanted to, not because we had too. Her parents just went thru bankrupsty. Today's laws says you pay your creditors back. Her Dad still to this day will not discuss how he got 50K hooked up on Credit cards and nothing to show for it. Last time he done it , a brother in law ( not ME ) bailed him out of 30K credit card debt. No one knew this till they filed bankruptsy. And a great statement.. they only come around when they need something.. Now they are 800 mile away.. [8D][8D][8D]0 -
People that get taken advantage of are willing participents. It is self-destructive behavior that would benefit from counseling. I highly suggest it.
My brother-in-law has not worked for 3 years due to being fired and being too lazy to get another job. My mother in law continues to pay his mortgage and other bills. I told her he needs to lose his house and move back in with them and that she is at least 50% responsible for him being unemployed as she is an enabler. He knows they cannot afford it but takes it anyway. S#$T rolls downhill and now we are helping to suplement my mother in law's income so they can continue to support their 45 year old son.0 -
...Ok you talked to your wife, and apparantly because "its'" family, she does not quite get it,
why not go to the source of the problem??
...Let the human leeches know in NO uncertain terms, NO money; take what ever actions neccessary to see they "understand"...[;)]
...and if there is no "seperate" money, tell your wife to stop giving YOUR share of ya'lls money to them...[;)]0 -
Become your own collection agency. EVERY time you come in contact with these people ask if they have some money for you. If you pester them enough they will hopefully start avoiding you and your wife. 0 -
I've given money to my wife's sisters on several occasions. At first it was $50 or so, then it became $100 or more. I finally told one brother-in-law to give me a gun or some tools and he could get them back when he paid me back. He has never once asked me for another dime because he knows he wont pay me back. The other brother-in-law doesn't own any weapons or tools, and in my book is pretty much useless, but what I do with him is if my sister-in-law calls wanting money for "groceries" I will send my wife to her house where she will take her to the grocery store and buy the groceries for her (no junk,just necessities). Most of the time she turns it down because groceries are not what she really wants. I'm finished giving them money unless it is a bonafide emergency. 0 -
...[:0] ...just read where your wifes truck was lost due to her dad's lame ways. BUT, where was the oversight (late notices, etc.) to KNOW payments were being made, either by you are your wife?
...I'd be taking "pops" outside for a "man to man" on that matter.
...Those vows are a two way street dude. IF you never can resolve this problem, and it is effecting you this much your in for a miserable "exsistance", not a life, "exsistance", luck...[;)]0 -
Any body of any age has had an experience of loaning money to relatives, seems like it always turns out bad, We, my wife and I loaned her daughter money TWICE and never got any of it back, then she wanted to borrow some more and the Wife reminded her that she never made an attempt at paying back both times so no more. Well guess what? we are son of %&*^ . 0 -
quote:Originally posted by BlackRoses
What would/do you do if it were YOUR parents instead of in laws?..
And dont say your parents would never do it etc...the question was IF it were your parents, what would you do?. Would you feel the same?...
My parents divorced when I was 12. I bounced between my mother, father, sister and the street depending on who got the latest boyfriend or girlfriend that didn't like me since then.
Now that I've gotten older my father has died of brain cancer, and my mother lives down here. My sister is going through the same kind of thing with my mother. She tries to guilt me into paying for this or that for my mother. Sorry but I've been through way to many bad situations where my mother screwed me over when I was a child and I depended on her for even something as simple as just a roof over my head. The last time she leeched from me was when I was 16 and I was working commercial fishing instead of going to school to try and buy food. I have no clue what she blew her money on, but the only food we would get was the baskets from the church. She nailed me for $1000. My kindness was repayed by her trying to stab me with scissors after screaming at me then calling 911 on me and trying to have ME arrested when I GENTLY as I could took it away from her and grabbed her by the shoulders and sat her down on the couch. I didn't get arrested, but they asked me if I wanted her arrested and I said no so they told me to leave for the night. The next day I went back home and she told me to get out. Ever tried living on the streets in winter in Alaska?
Considering thats just one of the instances growing up with my mother, no I feel no finacial strings to her. The only reason I even talk with her is because of the bible and I try to follow it the best I'm able to.
My sister and brother I'll loan money to, but they are both decent people that will pay me back. They have so far at least when they've asked me for loans. They are alot older then me, sister is 10 years older and my brother is 6 years older. So they rarely ask.0 -
quote:Originally posted by COLT
...[:0] ...just read where your wifes truck was lost due to her dad's lame ways. BUT, where was the oversight (late notices, etc.) to KNOW payments were being made, either by you are your wife?
...I'd be taking "pops" outside for a "man to man" on that matter.
...Those vows are a two way street dude. IF you never can resolve this problem, and it is effecting you this much your in for a miserable "exsistance", not a life, "exsistance", luck...[;)]
I didn't get any notices because the loan was in his name because he had co-signed for my wife right before we were married. I wanted to beat the hell out of the guy, but what would that solve? I probally wouldn't be married or legally allowed to own guns if I had.
The vows are a two way street, and my wife is a amazing women in every sense of the word except this problem. This doesn't threaten our marriage, I just need to figure out how get her not to be guilted into giving out cash. Asking for money doesn't happen when I'm around.0 -
If she hasn't overcome the issue after 7 years, she never will. Either learn to accept your losses to her family, or take control of the money. Continuing with status quo for another 7 years will be more trouble than coming to one resolution or the other immediately.
A friend's wife started out giving her parents and brother $50 at a time when they needed it. After 5 years, it was $200-$300. In the end, she took cash advances on his credit cards to pay off her parent's two cars and made a couple months worth of house payments because her parents were both "sick". She left the day the credit card bills arrived.0 -
quote:Originally posted by agman1999
If she hasn't overcome the issue after 7 years, she never will. Either learn to accept your losses to her family, or take control of the money. Continuing with status quo for another 7 years will be more trouble than coming to one resolution or the other immediately.
A friend's wife started out giving her parents and brother $50 at a time when they needed it. After 5 years, it was $200-$300. In the end, she took cash advances on his credit cards to pay off her parent's two cars and made a couple months worth of house payments because her parents were both "sick". She left the day the credit card bills arrived.
that's pretty bad.0 -
quote:Originally posted by hisbigbootygirl
quote:Originally posted by agman1999
If she hasn't overcome the issue after 7 years, she never will. Either learn to accept your losses to her family, or take control of the money. Continuing with status quo for another 7 years will be more trouble than coming to one resolution or the other immediately.
A friend's wife started out giving her parents and brother $50 at a time when they needed it. After 5 years, it was $200-$300. In the end, she took cash advances on his credit cards to pay off her parent's two cars and made a couple months worth of house payments because her parents were both "sick". She left the day the credit card bills arrived.
that's pretty bad.
Yes, it was. Instead of helping her parents raise their standard of living, all she accomplished was to reduce herself back to theirs. The judge wasn't very kind to her, and her parents weren't very willing to help her repay the debts she incurred for their benefit.0
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