need help in prayer...
I need help in prayer.
lately when I offer bread to the God of Toast, it isn't as brown as it was before. I know He likes the color brown, because the bread goes in the Toaster white and comes out brown. but not any more!
I offered two peices of bread, prayed and turned the Dial of Brownness all the way up, but He still doesn't turn it brown. He must be mad at me. I don't know why.
maybe if I can get a bunch of people to toast with me it would please Him. if you would, put a slice of wheat bread (He likes Wonder Multi-Grain) in your family Toaster, push down the knob and pray with me:
O God of Toast, please hear our cooking. lead us away from pancakes, muffins, waffles, pies, pastries, cobblers, pizzas, buns, rolls, dumplings, omelettes, fudges, cookies, casseroles, and those weird looking things the french eat that look like a folded over pancake but really aren't. For yours is the path to marmalade, jelly, jam, and all good things that can be sprinkled on top of a buttery peice of Your golden brown toast.
just keep praying, he'll let you know when you're done by popping up the toast.
lately when I offer bread to the God of Toast, it isn't as brown as it was before. I know He likes the color brown, because the bread goes in the Toaster white and comes out brown. but not any more!
I offered two peices of bread, prayed and turned the Dial of Brownness all the way up, but He still doesn't turn it brown. He must be mad at me. I don't know why.
maybe if I can get a bunch of people to toast with me it would please Him. if you would, put a slice of wheat bread (He likes Wonder Multi-Grain) in your family Toaster, push down the knob and pray with me:
O God of Toast, please hear our cooking. lead us away from pancakes, muffins, waffles, pies, pastries, cobblers, pizzas, buns, rolls, dumplings, omelettes, fudges, cookies, casseroles, and those weird looking things the french eat that look like a folded over pancake but really aren't. For yours is the path to marmalade, jelly, jam, and all good things that can be sprinkled on top of a buttery peice of Your golden brown toast.
just keep praying, he'll let you know when you're done by popping up the toast.
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Maybe you should poke a fork in the toaster........ 0 -
I'll try the butter knife. He doesn't like forks around the toaster. 0 -
Sorry, can't help...toaster is broke![:(] 0 -
I won't pray for your toaster or for your toast. But I would be happy to pray for you personally if you would like. And if you have to stick a knife or a fork in your toaster make sure it's plastic. [;)][8D][:o)] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by sav99
I won't pray for your toaster or for your toast. But I would be happy to pray for you personally if you would like. And if you have to stick a knife or a fork in your toaster make sure it's plastic. [;)][8D][:o)]
..or unplugged.[;)]0 -
quote:Originally posted by spryor
quote:Originally posted by sav99
I won't pray for your toaster or for your toast. But I would be happy to pray for you personally if you would like. And if you have to stick a knife or a fork in your toaster make sure it's plastic. [;)][8D][:o)]
..or unplugged.[;)]
Now I didn't think of that. Thats why two heads are better than one. [:D]0 -
[:0] it was unplugged! He must have unplugged it. He must have been really mad at me for something. 0 -
Not really,
He just wanted you to figure it out yourself.0 -
the spirits are angry for your blasphemy, losing your job was a start in correction, you are going to your knees[V][;)] 0 -
bwahahahahahhaaahaha!! 0 -
He will lead you to the orifice into which it would please Him to insert your knife AND fork.
Doug0 -
[:)] 0 -
No praying, but I tried to help, instead of wheat, I used cinnamon raisin bread.
Did I do a bad thing?
It did turn brown, and was GOOD......4 times. [:p]0 -
quote:Originally posted by buschmaster
[:0] it was unplugged! He must have unplugged it. He must have been really mad at me for something.
I'm a little slow to this conservation, but I was going to say "Plug it in, stupid."
SO by the looks of things, your hitting the vodka a bit hard this Christmas.
Reminds me a sermon. DOwn at Carbondale, SIU, the preacher was out jogging the day before and had twisted his ankle. Later that night he's lying in bed with the ankle throbbing and keeping him awake. He lays there in bed and cries out to God to take the pain away.
His response to this prayer was "Put some ice on it, stupid."
The point was, a lot of times, people often pray for things that all they need to do is get off their rearend and do something themselves.
There is some truth in this story, but the story doesn't apply to BM's situation, except it offers me an opportunity to call him "stupid". [:D]0 -
No praying, but I tried to help, instead of wheat, I used cinnamon raisin bread.
Did I do a bad thing?
It did turn brown, and was GOOD......4 times. [:p]
He really likes cinnamon raisin toast. he must have been very pleased and had someone show me the light... it was unplugged.
... There is some truth in this story, but the story doesn't apply to BM's situation, except it offers me an opportunity to call him "stupid". [:D]
that's ok, this is all a joke anyways!
SO by the looks of things, your hitting the vodka a bit hard this Christmas.
naah. I don't feel like partaking of the alcohol lately, probably put that away for a while. right now I got a 12 pack of beer I don't need.0 -
You need to read 3 pages of toast recipies in the cook bood and then pray to the blender.
This should help[;)]0 -
I hate toast....no prayers sent from here...sorry you are stupid.[;)] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
He will lead you to the orifice into which it would please Him to insert your knife AND fork.
Doug
While standing in the bathtub, full of water.........0 -
I think he already did...
quote:Originally posted by dongizmo
Maybe you should poke a fork in the toaster........0 -
Ill sacrifice some English Muffins and ask what he wants me to do. 0 -
I did dscover something in this thread.
It;s acceptable to call somebody "stupid" if it is followed by a face.[8D]0 -
"O ye of little faith" 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Captplaid
I did dscover something in this thread.
It;s acceptable to call somebody "stupid" if it is followed by a face.[8D]you can call me stupid. I didnt' say elkoholic could.
[:(!]
[:D]0 -
1 Kings 18:27
It came about at noon, that Elijah mocked them and said, "Call out with a loud voice, for he is a god; either he is occupied or gone aside, or is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and needs to be awakened."
I think the Living Bible says something about the god taking a dump on the pot instead of being asleep.
Maybe your toaster god has diarrhea.
Isaiah 44
4 Idol makers all amount to nothing, and their precious works are of no avail, as they themselves give witness. To their shame, they neither see nor know anything; and they are more deaf than men are.
10
Indeed, all the associates of anyone who forms a god, or casts an idol to no purpose, will be put to shame;
11
they will all assemble and stand forth, to be reduced to fear and shame.
12
The smith fashions an iron image, works it over the coals, shapes it with hammers, and forges it with his strong arm. He is hungry and weak, drinks no water and becomes exhausted.
13
The carpenter stretches a line and marks with a stylus the outline of an idol. He shapes it with a plane and measures it off with a compass, making it like a man in appearance and dignity, to occupy a shrine.
14
He cuts down cedars, takes a holm or an oak, and lays hold of other trees of the forest, which the Lord had planted and the rain made grow
15
to serve man for fuel. With a part of their wood he warms himself, or makes a fire for baking bread; but with another part he makes a god which he adores, an idol which he worships.
16
Half of it he burns in the fire, and on its embers he roasts his meat; he eats what he has roasted until he is full, and then warms himself and says, "Ah! I am warm, I feel the fire."
17
Of what remains he makes a god, his idol, and prostrate before it in worship, he implores it, "Rescue me, for you are my god."
18
The idols have neither knowledge nor reason; their eyes are coated so that they cannot see, and their hearts so that they cannot understand.
19
Yet he does not reflect, nor have the intelligence and sense to say, "Half of the wood I burned in the fire, and on its embers I baked bread and roasted meat which I ate. Shall I then make an abomination out of the rest, or worship a block of wood?"
20
5 He is chasing ashes-a thing that cannot save itself when the flame consumes it; yet he does not say, "Is not this thing in my right hand a fraud?"
I suggest the toaster is a more idol.0 -
It came about at noon, that Elijah mocked them and said, "Call out with a loud voice, for he is a god; either he is occupied or gone aside, or is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and needs to be awakened."
so their god was occupied or asleep. and his god, when causing an obvious miracle, is proven.
well then, how about when the Persian king Cyrus went to burn at the stake the Lydian (Greek) king Croesus, but Croesus prayed to Apollo?
they started the fire, and Croesus was stricken with woe when he remembered the words of Solon (a different story) and realized he was going to die. so he called out the name of Solon a few times. the Persians wanted to know what was going on with him, but by that time the fire was too strong and they couldn't put it out.
"Croesus, having learned how Cyrus had changed his mind, and seeing that every one was trying to put out the fire but that they were no longer able to check it, cried aloud entreating Apollo that if any gift had ever been given by him which had been acceptable to the god, he would come to his aid and rescue him from the evil which was now upon him. So he with tears entreated the god, and suddenly, they say, after clear sky and calm weather clouds gathered and a storm burst, and it rained with a very violent shower, and the pyre was extinguished."
does that prove that Apollo, the god, exists? how hard does it have to rain to put out a fire that men can't put out?
if you believe in the christian God, then you would be against non-christian prophets. what they say can't be true, because there is no other God but the christian God, so what they say must be false. they have no way of prophecying because it's not through the christian God.
read another story of Croesus then. when he first wanted to know if he should march against the Persians, but wasn't sure if he could trust just any oracle,
[History, Herodotus 484-425 B.C.]
Book 1 (Clio) 46-48
(46) ... So having formed this design he began forthwith to make trial of the Oracles, both those of the Hellenes and that in Libya, sending messengers some to one place and some to another, some to go to Delphi, others to Abai of the Phokians, and others to Dodona; and some were sent to the shrine of Amphiaraos and to that of Trophonios, others to Branchidai in the land of Miletos: these are the Oracles of the Hellenes to which Crosus sent messengers to seek divination; and others he sent to the shrine of Ammon in Libya to inquire there. Now he was sending the messengers abroad to the end that he might try the Oracles and find out what knowledge they had, so that if they should be found to have knowledge of the truth, he might send and ask them secondly whether he should attempt to march against the Persians.
47. And to the Lydians whom he sent to make trial of the Oracles he gave charge as follows,--that from the day on which they set out from Sardis they should reckon up the number of the days following and on the hundredth day they should consult the Oracles, asking what Crosus the son of Alyattes king of the Lydians chanced then to be doing: and whatever the Oracles severally should prophesy, this they should cause to be written down and bear it back to him. Now what the other Oracles prophesied is not by any reported, but at Delphi, so soon as the Lydians entered the sanctuary of the temple to consult the god and asked that which they were commanded to ask, the Pythian prophetess spoke thus in hexameter measure:
"But the number of sand I know, and the measure of drops in the ocean;
The dumb man I understand, and I hear the speech of the speechless:
And there hath come to my soul the smell of a strong-shelled tortoise
Boiling in caldron of bronze, and the flesh of a lamb mingled with it;
Under it bronze is laid, it hath bronze as a clothing upon it."
48. When the Pythian prophetess had uttered this oracle, the Lydians caused the prophecy to be written down, and went away at once to Sardis. And when the rest also who had been sent round were there arrived with the answers of the Oracles, then Crosus unfolded the writings one by one and looked upon them: and at first none of them pleased him, but when he heard that from Delphi, forthwith he did worship to the god and accepted the answer, judging that the Oracle at Delphi was the only true one, because it had found out what he himself had done. For when he had sent to the several Oracles his messengers to consult the gods, keeping well in mind the appointed day he contrived the following device,--he thought of something which it would be impossible to discover or to conceive of, and cutting up a tortoise and a lamb he boiled them together himself in a caldron of bronze, laying a cover of bronze over them.
how do you explain that if the Greek gods didn't exist.
btw, the oracle at Delphi worshipped Apollo.0 -
Why Apollo?
Why not Baal?
Heck, why not a golden calf?0 -
Holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
King Arthur: How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.
King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.
Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...
Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Brother Maynard: Amen.
All: Amen.
King Arthur: Right. One... two... five.
Galahad: Three, sir.
King Arthur: Three.0 -
which gods can be believed in? people talk of miracles from the christian God and the greek gods. I haven't heard anything about Baal.
worshipping a dumb statue that sits there and does nothing only proves the power of religion and how people don't think for themselves.
at least the God of Toast makes the toast brown and pops it up out of the toaster.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Captplaid
I did dscover something in this thread.
It;s acceptable to call somebody "stupid" if it is followed by a face.[8D]
Its all in the delivery.[:p] Although I will admit to re-reading my post and wondering why I thought it was funny earlier. Sorry Bushy...not a good sign when I don't even get my own sense of humor.[:I]0 -
quote:Originally posted by buschmaster
which gods can be believed in? people talk of miracles from the christian God and the greek gods. I haven't heard anything about Baal.
worshipping a dumb statue that sits there and does nothing only proves the power of religion and how people don't think for themselves.
at least the God of Toast makes the toast brown and pops it up out of the toaster.
Well, if you were sincere, I would encourage you to pray to God and ask him, but this has been a mere internet argument.0
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