Need Your Opinion, What Would You Do ??
A friend of mine has a dilemma and it has got me to wondering what I would do or how I would react. Here is the scenario...
My friend, a male, is married to his wife and they have 3 kids. Two sons aged 8 and 13 and a daughter aged 4.
The wife has a brother who is 33yrs old and gay. He lives in Florida and is an avid boater/sailer. According to my friend he is VERY liberal and works for many groups that promote homosexuality. My friend says that he has never liked him but for the sake of his wife he has bit his tongue and done his best to just get along. His wife LOVES her brother and thinks he is just perfect.
Now...last week the brother asked my friend if it would be okay for the eldest son , 13 yrs old, to visit Florida over Thanksgiving holiday and take a 4 day sailing trip to the Bahamas with him and his "partner".
The brother belongs to this semi formal group of all gay boaters who take trips in groups of other gay couples. Some of them have kids some do not.
Basically the son would be alone with all gay males sailing for 4 days on a sail boat in the Bahamas.
Anyone here who has spent time on private boats know they are small and very intimate and not much privacy.
My friend, the husband, is DEAD set against allowing his son to go on the trip. However, he is DEADLY afraid to tell his wife that since she is so enamoured with her brother. He feels the decision might even be serious enough that she would divorce him.
So it got me to thinking, would you allow your 13 yr old son to go sailing in the Bahamas with your brother in law, his gay lover and a group of all gay men ?
When I was younger I used to take trips with my aunt and uncles all the time. However, I see this as a different situtation.
What are your thoughts ?
My friend, a male, is married to his wife and they have 3 kids. Two sons aged 8 and 13 and a daughter aged 4.
The wife has a brother who is 33yrs old and gay. He lives in Florida and is an avid boater/sailer. According to my friend he is VERY liberal and works for many groups that promote homosexuality. My friend says that he has never liked him but for the sake of his wife he has bit his tongue and done his best to just get along. His wife LOVES her brother and thinks he is just perfect.
Now...last week the brother asked my friend if it would be okay for the eldest son , 13 yrs old, to visit Florida over Thanksgiving holiday and take a 4 day sailing trip to the Bahamas with him and his "partner".
The brother belongs to this semi formal group of all gay boaters who take trips in groups of other gay couples. Some of them have kids some do not.
Basically the son would be alone with all gay males sailing for 4 days on a sail boat in the Bahamas.
Anyone here who has spent time on private boats know they are small and very intimate and not much privacy.
My friend, the husband, is DEAD set against allowing his son to go on the trip. However, he is DEADLY afraid to tell his wife that since she is so enamoured with her brother. He feels the decision might even be serious enough that she would divorce him.
So it got me to thinking, would you allow your 13 yr old son to go sailing in the Bahamas with your brother in law, his gay lover and a group of all gay men ?
When I was younger I used to take trips with my aunt and uncles all the time. However, I see this as a different situtation.
What are your thoughts ?
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quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
quote:Originally posted by phillip
quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
okay, so what would you guys do if your wife said your kids couldnt be with YOUR brother or sister ?
My brother and sisters arnt pillow biters.
exactly, so what if she said "well our kids cant hang out with them because they shoot guns and its not safe" ?? what would you do then ?
the real issue here is about compromise and marriage and priorities and fundamentals.
i ask these questions hypothetically because i honestly dont know what i would do.
I would respect her wishes about the gun thing.but if they came over,I would be doing what I normally do.Shoot guns.I would think that these gay sailors will be doing what gays do....In front of a 13 year old.Some more "alternative " Type people would have you believe that becuz thier children were exposed to this, It must be OK for all children.Thats a crock of chit IMHO.At 13 kids are very impressionable.I would gladly be the bad guy in this situation.Sometimes being a responsable parent means having to make unpopular decisions.Tell your friend to man up and take charge of this.If mom dont like it,Sorry but thats the way this is gonna go down.0 -
NO F-ING way!
NO Discusion!
NO F-ING WAY!0 -
BarkingDog, you and I sort of crossed swords on another topic. I'm not posting this with intentions of insulting or offending you again, if that's what happened the first time. I apologize in advance if it turns out I've done so, this time.
The short answer to your basic question is, if it were me in your buddy's place, I'd say "no". This would apply whether the four-day trip in question was the sail to the Bahamas you describe, a hunting or fishing trip where homosexuals were most definitely not going to be present, or any other vacation, excursion, what-have-you. Why? Not because I would necessarily have a problem with any of the above, but because your friend seems not to completely trust his brother-in-law, and, not completely trusting him, shouldn't turn his kid over to him, particularly in circumstances where the kid might be beyond the reach of his parents' protection and guidance, and (not such a worse-case scenario) he might get homesick, uncomfortable with the situation, whatever, and be unable to leave.
I can't help but comment, also, that if the brother-in-law had a proper degree of respect for your friend, who I assume has made his attitude known in the past, he wouldn't put your friend in this sort of position. To take this out of the realm of homosexuality and homophobia, and the discussion along those lines that most of the posts on this topic have involved: I have an ex-brother-in-law who, along with the rest of my ex-wife's family, still considers me a friend and family member. I wouldn't ask him if one of his kids could go shooting or hunting with me. He to some extent and his wife to a lunatic extent are anti-gun and anti-hunting. I don't agree with their views, and if one of the kids at some point asks me, first, to go shooting or hunting, then I'll discuss it with the parents -- but I'd respect their answer, agree with it or not, and expect the kid to do the same.
Seems like there's a lot more to this than the potential for trouble in either giving or refusing permission for the kid to go. Your friend and his wife are long overdue for deciding whether or not they're on the same page concerning the raising of their kids (and a lot of other aspects of their marriage). This proposed trip isn't the problem, it's just what I would guess to be the latest and biggest symptom of the problem.0 -
Let him go, he might learn something new. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by mongrel1776
BarkingDog, you and I sort of crossed swords on another topic. I'm not posting this with intentions of insulting or offending you again, if that's what happened the first time. I apologize in advance if it turns out I've done so, this time.
no worries at all. i tend to irk some people too so i apologize as well.
i think you touched on an important point though...my friend and his wife are dealing with an issue of raising their children that they hadnt thought about before or discussed.
this is why i am so interested because i have been married for 2 years now and about to have kids. i know husbands and wives have to compromise but i just cant see ever telling my wife that our kids cant be with her brother or sister. i mean, i would LIKE to but i couldnt imagine her saying that about MY brother or sister so it makes me wonder.0 -
quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
quote:Originally posted by mongrel1776
BarkingDog, you and I sort of crossed swords on another topic. I'm not posting this with intentions of insulting or offending you again, if that's what happened the first time. I apologize in advance if it turns out I've done so, this time.
no worries at all. i tend to irk some people too so i apologize as well.
i think you touched on an important point though...my friend and his wife are dealing with an issue of raising their children that they hadnt thought about before or discussed.
this is why i am so interested because i have been married for 2 years now and about to have kids. i know husbands and wives have to compromise but i just cant see ever telling my wife that our kids cant be with her brother or sister. i mean, i would LIKE to but i couldnt imagine her saying that about MY brother or sister so it makes me wonder.
Marriage does not cause one to compromise their beliefs or values, and or live by altered standards unless they allow it to happen.0 -
okay. but from the wifes perspective now she is saying "my husband is causing me to accept the fact that my own brother isnt good enough as family".
i am not saying that is right or wrong but thats her point of view now.0 -
quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
Let him go, he might learn something new.
I still think he's to young but I appreciate your sentiments as being right on point.0 -
quote:Originally posted by kimi
quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
quote:Originally posted by mongrel1776
BarkingDog, you and I sort of crossed swords on another topic. I'm not posting this with intentions of insulting or offending you again, if that's what happened the first time. I apologize in advance if it turns out I've done so, this time.
no worries at all. i tend to irk some people too so i apologize as well.
i think you touched on an important point though...my friend and his wife are dealing with an issue of raising their children that they hadnt thought about before or discussed.
this is why i am so interested because i have been married for 2 years now and about to have kids. i know husbands and wives have to compromise but i just cant see ever telling my wife that our kids cant be with her brother or sister. i mean, i would LIKE to but i couldnt imagine her saying that about MY brother or sister so it makes me wonder.
Marriage does not cause one to compromise their beliefs or values, and or live by altered standards unless they allow it to happen.
I agree with your statement but what if there is a legitimate difference of opinion between two people? Majority rule doesn't work when there's only two. I think the husband needs to sit down with his wife and DISCUSS the reasons he's against the trip. I think the posters who have shown some intelligence on this matter have made many valid arguments that would convince his wife about not going without resorting to "I'm the man and you will do as I say". How I pity the wife in those marriages. In fact it isn't a marriage. It's a dictatorship.0 -
Not a chance, period. 0 -
What I find absolutely ironic, is that if it were a trip to Knob Creek, this whole board would be "hell yeah"...but if the parent said "No, because we don't like guns, and don't believe in violence, blah blah blah." NO ONE would question his "tolerance". WE GUN PEOPLE give more respect, as a rule, to those who choose not to do "the gun thing".
However. When someone does not wish their kid to be exposed to a bunch of sodomites, right away the slurs come out, the stereotypes, the assumptions, the psychobabble.
The friend has no spine if he doesn't "man up" and tell the BIL, right to his face, that Frosty the Snowman will be holding Court in Hades before he allows his teen son to "sail the bounding main" alone for two weeks. And all he needs to say is "Because I'm the Dad, and I say so...end of discussion."
Yes, it's worth getting a divorce over.
D.0 -
quote:Originally posted by lololand11
quote:Originally posted by kimi
quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
quote:Originally posted by mongrel1776
BarkingDog, you and I sort of crossed swords on another topic. I'm not posting this with intentions of insulting or offending you again, if that's what happened the first time. I apologize in advance if it turns out I've done so, this time.
no worries at all. i tend to irk some people too so i apologize as well.
i think you touched on an important point though...my friend and his wife are dealing with an issue of raising their children that they hadnt thought about before or discussed.
this is why i am so interested because i have been married for 2 years now and about to have kids. i know husbands and wives have to compromise but i just cant see ever telling my wife that our kids cant be with her brother or sister. i mean, i would LIKE to but i couldnt imagine her saying that about MY brother or sister so it makes me wonder.
Marriage does not cause one to compromise their beliefs or values, and or live by altered standards unless they allow it to happen.
I agree with your statement but what if there is a legitimate difference of opinion between two people? Majority rule doesn't work when there's only two. I think the husband needs to sit down with his wife and DISCUSS the reasons he's against the trip. I think the posters who have shown some intelligence on this matter have made many valid arguments that would convince his wife about not going without resorting to "I'm the man and you will do as I say". How I pity the wife in those marriages. In fact it isn't a marriage. It's a dictatorship.
If there is a legitmate difference of opinion they live with it, one way or the other. Discussion is certainly necessary in most any disagreement between spouses. Usually, if the marriage is worth salvaging, it will survive, regardless of how bumpy it might get. There is a time to talk things out, and there is a time to stop talking. It's not a matter of you will do as I say, it is a matter of whether packing bags is more important than the alternative.0 -
It is the Fathers responsibility to look after his children.
He better say NO.
People can be as PC as they want. It is wrong to allow a child to be placed in a potentially dangerous situation.
If my brothers wouldn't allow their sons to go with me because I shoot that would be fine. Their kids their rules.
If you really believe a group of gay adults, with a radical agenda, that will most likely be drinking, will not expose that kid to inappropriate behavior you are sadly mistaken.
Ask him how he will feel when something does happen to his son.
If his wife divorces him over it he needs to fight for custody of the children.
AC0 -
...NOT!!!...the kid will learn about that type of life style soon enough w/o being thrown into the middle of a group of avowed swishies...You can almost BET with a group such as this this there will be some overt hand holding and hugging and, uh-hmm..openly dissplayed...[;)] 
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Wow what opinions. Did anyone ask the 13 yr old if he wanted to go? Does he know Uncle Bob is gay? 13 yr. olds aren't stupid. He needs sit down and spoke to . Other adopted kids on the trip.. Hell he might get lucky and score on a Gay mans adopted daughter. Let him go and have fun. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by USMChuck
my questions: does his son know that his uncle is a homosexual? is he ok with that? did he say he wants to go on the trip? if the answer was yes to all then I would let him go, but this "trip" doesnt sound like much fun at all, to me anyways!
Yeah, right. Leave it up to the kid. That's exactly what the uncle and/or his boating buddies are hoping for. Great idea.0 -
Would you let your 13-year-old daughter go if all the guys were straight? If the answer is no for daughter, it should be no for son. And vice versa. 0 -
Did you really imagine you were going to get a warm, fuzzy "Sure sounds like a great learning experince for the kid." On this board? Man you are reeling them in here. 0 -
no; boat trips equal alcohol. 4 days, absolutely not. 0 -
Absolfreakinglutly not....No gays, priests, or school teachers!!!! Well maybe a school teacher, but make sure he has several condoms in his wallet!!! 0 -
Absolutely not! 0 -
From a prior post...ref OK to go to Knob Creek:
You threw me a curve on that one. Made me think.
If Knob Creek were on an offshore island, and the same three men were the only contact the thirteen year old had for those three days, well.....
Knob Creek doesn't sound so appealing now, does it?0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Would they let the boys go if they were a lesbian couple with lesbian friends?
Let's get right to the matter, is it that he is gay, gay and male, or militant gay? "Promote homosexuality," what does this mean?
Unless the 13 year old has "gender confusion issues," and your friend is worried that exposure to a "gay lifestyle" might pull him over to the "dark side," or if he has fears that gay's actively recruite, at which point I can assure you they don't.
Not every gay is a "flaming" homo. Most of them look just like you and me.
Lesbians are homosexuals, and the answer is still NO!!!! Their lack of morals and their inappropriate life style means that they ahould NEVER be around children[:(!][:(!][:(!][:(!]0 -
Would not let it happen. I do not condone the gay lifestyle, so I would not place my children in that situation, it's my parental right to do so. If it were just the brother-in-law for a day trip to the zoo or something, different story. I don;t have to worry about it since my wife is just as conservative as I am. 0 -
nunn,
Just because you find their "lifestyle" inappropriate does not male them immoral by virtue of their homosexuality.
Turn it around. Are you saying that hetero's are all moral and should be held above suspicion of any inappropriate behavior? No, of course not. Would you say, "Sure, let him go," if they were hetero men? Probably not, unless you knew enough about who was going on the trip. Sorry to say, some heteroes are just as susceptible to inappropriate behavior with children as homosexuals.
Issue is, it's his uncle asking him to go. His wife's brother. And the guy never hashed things out with the wife, now he's in a pinch.0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
nunn,
Just because you find their "lifestyle" inappropriate does not male them immoral by virtue of their homosexuality.
Turn it around. Are you saying that hetero's are all moral and should be held above suspicion of any inappropriate behavior? No, of course not. Would you say, "Sure, let him go," if they were hetero men? Probably not, unless you knew enough about who was going on the trip. Sorry to say, some heteroes are just as susceptible to inappropriate behavior with children as homosexuals.
Issue is, it's his uncle asking him to go. His wife's brother. And the guy never hashed things out with the wife, now he's in a pinch.
Yes, only cause I have faith that if 1 tried something with a child (all hetro guys would be fishing, not "sailing") the other hetro guys would kick the offenders ass, and leave him to drown.0 -
What happens if they get ship wrecked like Gilligan? [8]
I still say let the boy go. If Uncle Bob touches him he is [xx(]0 -
quote:Originally posted by lololand11
quote:Originally posted by kimi
quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
quote:Originally posted by mongrel1776
BarkingDog, you and I sort of crossed swords on another topic. I'm not posting this with intentions of insulting or offending you again, if that's what happened the first time. I apologize in advance if it turns out I've done so, this time.
no worries at all. i tend to irk some people too so i apologize as well.
i think you touched on an important point though...my friend and his wife are dealing with an issue of raising their children that they hadnt thought about before or discussed.
this is why i am so interested because i have been married for 2 years now and about to have kids. i know husbands and wives have to compromise but i just cant see ever telling my wife that our kids cant be with her brother or sister. i mean, i would LIKE to but i couldnt imagine her saying that about MY brother or sister so it makes me wonder.
Marriage does not cause one to compromise their beliefs or values, and or live by altered standards unless they allow it to happen.
I agree with your statement but what if there is a legitimate difference of opinion between two people? Majority rule doesn't work when there's only two. I think the husband needs to sit down with his wife and DISCUSS the reasons he's against the trip. I think the posters who have shown some intelligence on this matter have made many valid arguments that would convince his wife about not going without resorting to "I'm the man and you will do as I say". How I pity the wife in those marriages. In fact it isn't a marriage. It's a dictatorship.
Survey says? Wrong freaking answer, try again. In any marriage, the man is ultimately responsible for any and all decisions made under his care. Did I say he makes them? No, I said he is responsible for them. If this guy says no way and gets divorced over it, who pays? He does. If he lets the kids go (against his better judgemnt) and the kids gets messed up-He pays-he failed to protect him, same if the kid goes and is unduly influenced. If nothing at all happens, the father loses. In no circumstance will the woman be held accountable, ever, for her actions. If my home is a dictatorship-so be it-it's been one for 18 years-its gonna stay one. I get help and feedback in all decisions, but the ultimate responsibility for it lies with me and me alone. Any other way and the door heads west-have at it.0
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