Need Your Opinion, What Would You Do ??
A friend of mine has a dilemma and it has got me to wondering what I would do or how I would react. Here is the scenario...
My friend, a male, is married to his wife and they have 3 kids. Two sons aged 8 and 13 and a daughter aged 4.
The wife has a brother who is 33yrs old and gay. He lives in Florida and is an avid boater/sailer. According to my friend he is VERY liberal and works for many groups that promote homosexuality. My friend says that he has never liked him but for the sake of his wife he has bit his tongue and done his best to just get along. His wife LOVES her brother and thinks he is just perfect.
Now...last week the brother asked my friend if it would be okay for the eldest son , 13 yrs old, to visit Florida over Thanksgiving holiday and take a 4 day sailing trip to the Bahamas with him and his "partner".
The brother belongs to this semi formal group of all gay boaters who take trips in groups of other gay couples. Some of them have kids some do not.
Basically the son would be alone with all gay males sailing for 4 days on a sail boat in the Bahamas.
Anyone here who has spent time on private boats know they are small and very intimate and not much privacy.
My friend, the husband, is DEAD set against allowing his son to go on the trip. However, he is DEADLY afraid to tell his wife that since she is so enamoured with her brother. He feels the decision might even be serious enough that she would divorce him.
So it got me to thinking, would you allow your 13 yr old son to go sailing in the Bahamas with your brother in law, his gay lover and a group of all gay men ?
When I was younger I used to take trips with my aunt and uncles all the time. However, I see this as a different situtation.
What are your thoughts ?
My friend, a male, is married to his wife and they have 3 kids. Two sons aged 8 and 13 and a daughter aged 4.
The wife has a brother who is 33yrs old and gay. He lives in Florida and is an avid boater/sailer. According to my friend he is VERY liberal and works for many groups that promote homosexuality. My friend says that he has never liked him but for the sake of his wife he has bit his tongue and done his best to just get along. His wife LOVES her brother and thinks he is just perfect.
Now...last week the brother asked my friend if it would be okay for the eldest son , 13 yrs old, to visit Florida over Thanksgiving holiday and take a 4 day sailing trip to the Bahamas with him and his "partner".
The brother belongs to this semi formal group of all gay boaters who take trips in groups of other gay couples. Some of them have kids some do not.
Basically the son would be alone with all gay males sailing for 4 days on a sail boat in the Bahamas.
Anyone here who has spent time on private boats know they are small and very intimate and not much privacy.
My friend, the husband, is DEAD set against allowing his son to go on the trip. However, he is DEADLY afraid to tell his wife that since she is so enamoured with her brother. He feels the decision might even be serious enough that she would divorce him.
So it got me to thinking, would you allow your 13 yr old son to go sailing in the Bahamas with your brother in law, his gay lover and a group of all gay men ?
When I was younger I used to take trips with my aunt and uncles all the time. However, I see this as a different situtation.
What are your thoughts ?
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quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Most of them look just like you and me.
So as long as someone "looks" normal (like you and me), it's OK to display inappropriate behavior? Man, where was this advice so long ago?!?0 -
quote:Originally posted by callktulu
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Most of them look just like you and me.
So as long as someone "looks" normal (like you and me), it's OK to display inappropriate behavior? Man, where was this advice so long ago?!?
Where does inappropriate behavior come into it? Perhaps I should have said "most not only look like you and me but have the same sensibilities to refrain from behavior that could be construed as "inappropriate" around children."
Why are you assuming because they are gay, they will be engaging in "inappropriate behavior"?
In that case, I would say if they were a hetero couple, and the friend was afraid the other hetero couples on the cruise might engage in "inappropriate behavior" that they do not want their son exposed to, then the homosexuality issue goes right out the window.0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Would they let the boys go if they were a lesbian couple with lesbian friends?
Let's get right to the matter, is it that he is gay, gay and male, or militant gay? "Promote homosexuality," what does this mean?
Unless the 13 year old has "gender confusion issues," and your friend is worried that exposure to a "gay lifestyle" might pull him over to the "dark side," or if he has fears that gay's actively recruite, at which point I can assure you they don't.
Not every gay is a "flaming" homo. Most of them look just like you and me.
I can hear my grandmother's answer to your question right now: Honey do you know what a queer is?0 -
quote:(Bermuda Triangle, pirates, smugglers, wheather, etc.)
That is the very problem,..........azz pirates!0 -
quote:Originally posted by kimi
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Would they let the boys go if they were a lesbian couple with lesbian friends?
Let's get right to the matter, is it that he is gay, gay and male, or militant gay? "Promote homosexuality," what does this mean?
Unless the 13 year old has "gender confusion issues," and your friend is worried that exposure to a "gay lifestyle" might pull him over to the "dark side," or if he has fears that gay's actively recruite, at which point I can assure you they don't.
Not every gay is a "flaming" homo. Most of them look just like you and me.
I can hear my grandmother's answer to your question right now: Honey do you know what a queer is?
I assure you, I do. Get off the stereotypes.
My point is, obviously, this is a issue of gayness. If this guy has been sandbagging for years "tolerating" this apparently militant gay brother in law, he has issues that nobody on this forum has the answers to.
You are all just venting your hostility toward gays.0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Why are you assuming because they are gay, they will be engaging in "inappropriate behavior"?
Because gay men have gay men sex. That is inappropriate.0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
You are all just venting your hostility toward gays.
I am not hostile nor in fear of gay people. I know several, and am friends with them. Even family. I still let them know it ain't right. But I am never hostile, hateful, rude, or "fearful" as in homophobic.0 -
My son wouldn't be anywhere near that boat of fruits. If they want to live that way, that's their choice but I would not expose my kid to an easy opportunity to be sexually abused. If I was in that dad's situation, I would be having a serious conversation with my wife concerning any type of interaction with the brother-in-law and his 'partner'. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
quote:Originally posted by kimi
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Would they let the boys go if they were a lesbian couple with lesbian friends?
Let's get right to the matter, is it that he is gay, gay and male, or militant gay? "Promote homosexuality," what does this mean?
Unless the 13 year old has "gender confusion issues," and your friend is worried that exposure to a "gay lifestyle" might pull him over to the "dark side," or if he has fears that gay's actively recruite, at which point I can assure you they don't.
Not every gay is a "flaming" homo. Most of them look just like you and me.
I can hear my grandmother's answer to your question right now: Honey do you know what a queer is?
I assure you, I do. Get off the stereotypes.
My point is, obviously, this is a issue of gayness. If this guy has been sandbagging for years "tolerating" this apparently militant gay brother in law, he has issues that nobody on this forum has the answers to.
You are all just venting your hostility toward gays.
Garbage.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Oklahoma223
quote:Originally posted by ljwrench
I wouldn't let my child go on a sailboat to the Bahama's with anybody. Wouldn't matter if the adult was gay, hetero, a minister, or a retired Navy captain. Maybe I'm over protective but that's the I am.
Not to mention that I don't think a 13 year old should be exposed to that kind of lifestyle which I'm sure will be flaunted during those four days.
+1
+100!!!!0 -
I am a parent. The job of a parent is to protect the child. A 14 day trip without one of the parents present is without question not gonna happen. 13 years old is not old enough to be without a parent for two weeks.
The other crap about lifestyles does not make a difference. Maybe in two or three years.
I can't make it any clearer than that.0 -
quote:Originally posted by callktulu
No. Not because of fear of molestation or inappropriate behavior, but because it is a lifestyle we do not condone or approve of. Simple as that.
If they were all convicted felons now out of jail, the answer would be no.
If they were all die-hard PETA members, the answer would be no.
If they were all Nazis the answer would be no.
If they were all Socialists the answer would be no.
If they were all KKK members the answer would be no.
If they were all Hooters girls the answer would be "I'm going too."
I don't think anyone has commented on that, but I must agree. On the whole topic though, my view on homosexuality is that if they keep it to themselves I have no problem, similar to my actions if I am in a relationship. You won't catch me playing tonsil hockey with my girlfriend in public, because it is sure to make some, if not all, people uncomfortable / nervous / whatever. I feel the same way about gays in public, I'm not hateful towards them, and I respect their life choice, however I don't need to see what you do in your private life while I'm riding the bus or waiting to cross the street or whatever. 13 is a strange age for men, I'm sure every man on this board would pay any ammount of money not to be 13 again. Being in a situation of a large number of adult gay males in an isolated enviroment is just akward and uncomfortable no matter the age, but for a teenager going through changes and all that, it could be a very bad situation. And don't try to tell me that 'the gays won't do anything in front of the child.' Horsewash, they might hold off for a day or two, or maybe just a minute or two. Bottom line, no.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Oklahoma223
What is your agenda Mr. Barkingdog ?
According to the scroll bar on the right of my monitor there is now more discussion after this question than before, even though this question has not been answered.
Well???0 -
If your "friend" wants his 13 year old boy to learn how to be gay 101,Then he should let him go.However if your "friend" has 1 ounce of man in him,He should stand up and say "NO ,And this is NOT negotiable!!)This scares the hell out of me and it aint even my kid.......PROTECT THE KIDS,THEY CANT PROTECT THEMSELVES! 0 -
quote:He feels the decision might even be serious enough that she would divorce him.
He should say No for all of the reasons listed above, if she leaves him then I would say that their relationship was not very strong to begine with and will soon end anyways. After allit seems like the wife has more regard for her brother than she does for her husband. That is a recipe for disaster. After all I think I read someplace that upon marrage a woman is to leave her family and a man is to leave his home so that the two can become one. They are not one and she has never left her family.
Just the way I see it.0 -
NO 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Mk 19
quote:He feels the decision might even be serious enough that she would divorce him.
He should say No for all of the reasons listed above, if she leaves him then I would say that their relationship was not very strong to begine with and will soon end anyways. After allit seems like the wife has more regard for her brother than she does for her husband. That is a recipe for disaster. After all I think I read someplace that upon marrage a woman is to leave her family and a man is to leave his home so that the two can become one. They are not one and she has never left her family.
Just the way I see it.
i agree with you. BUT, how is a spouse supposed to take it when you say "i wont let our kids hang out with your brother or sister" ? i grew up in a very close family where my cousins and uncles and aunts were ALWAYS together. i couldnt imagine what it would do if someone said that in my family.0 -
quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
okay, so what would you guys do if your wife said your kids couldnt be with YOUR brother or sister ?
My brother and sisters arnt pillow biters.0 -
You mention that some of the members of the boating club have children. Will any other kids be going along? 0 -
quote:Originally posted by phillip
quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
okay, so what would you guys do if your wife said your kids couldnt be with YOUR brother or sister ?
My brother and sisters arnt pillow biters.
exactly, so what if she said "well our kids cant hang out with them because they shoot guns and its not safe" ?? what would you do then ?
the real issue here is about compromise and marriage and priorities and fundamentals.
i ask these questions hypothetically because i honestly dont know what i would do.0 -
quote:Originally posted by kristov
You mention that some of the members of the boating club have children. Will any other kids be going along?
according to my friend yes. some of the gay couples have adopted children.0 -
quote:quote:
Originally posted by Mk 19
quote:
He feels the decision might even be serious enough that she would divorce him.
He should say No for all of the reasons listed above, if she leaves him then I would say that their relationship was not very strong to begine with and will soon end anyways. After allit seems like the wife has more regard for her brother than she does for her husband. That is a recipe for disaster. After all I think I read someplace that upon marrage a woman is to leave her family and a man is to leave his home so that the two can become one. They are not one and she has never left her family.
Just the way I see it.
i agree with you. BUT, how is a spouse supposed to take it when you say "i wont let our kids hang out with your brother or sister" ? i grew up in a very close family where my cousins and uncles and aunts were ALWAYS together. i couldnt imagine what it would do if someone said that in my family.
My wife also has a very close family, it's so bad that these people make up holidays to get together. But I will not allow my daughters to be alone with my brother-in-law, there is not a problem with him comming over to our house or with us getting together for any reason and I have nothing against him, but my daughters will not be left alone with him not for two hours and not for 2 weeks. My wife understands my feeling on this and accepts it. Early on in our marrage (now on our 13 year) we discovered a special thing about family, they are our EXTENDED family, they are on the outside, but we are one, we are on the inside together. We do not take our problems to the outside as it will only cause more problems. We do what we must to preserve our Marrage as the family will always be related.0 -
I feel that 13 is just a bit too young for a child to spend an extended period with adults who are mostly strangers. If the boy were 16 or 17 I might feel differently. If there are going to be other kids around this would be nice, but I would want more than a single adult family member as part of the group. Short answer: No. 0 -
No, he gets sea sick. If not, he needs to 0 -
NO FREAKING WAY!!!!!!!! 0 -
No! And further more,my son at 13 would not have wanted to go sailing with a boat load of happy guys for 5 minutes let alone 4 days. 0 -
A thought on the timing of it all. Here's a scenario to ponder...
Why wasn't he asked at nine years old? (Because the parents would balk..too young)
Why won't he be asked at twenty-one years old? (Because he may very well balk..has his own mind)
Yessiree, folks, thirteen years old is just about the perfect age to have this boy go on the "trip". Physically mature enough. Emotionally insecure enough.
Yessiree, thirteen is perfect. Best of both worlds. Gotta love it. Joe0 -
my questions: does his son know that his uncle is a homosexual? is he ok with that? did he say he wants to go on the trip? if the answer was yes to all then I would let him go, but this "trip" doesnt sound like much fun at all, to me anyways! 0 -
quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
quote:Originally posted by phillip
quote:Originally posted by BarkingDog
okay, so what would you guys do if your wife said your kids couldnt be with YOUR brother or sister ?
My brother and sisters arnt pillow biters.
exactly, so what if she said "well our kids cant hang out with them because they shoot guns and its not safe" ?? what would you do then ?
the real issue here is about compromise and marriage and priorities and fundamentals.
i ask these questions hypothetically because i honestly dont know what i would do.
Dog, you seem to have more intelligence than the vast majority of these posters have. Personally. I think the age is the issue. I think 13 is just to young to be at sea that long. As far as being gay, most gay men treat children as well or better than many so called "fathers" who beat their kids, and rape their daughters. A sexual pervert is a pervert regardless if they are gay or straight. And as far as being straight, as far as you homophobics go, do you drink booze in front of the kids, do you smoke your cigarettes or cigars in front of your kids? The likelihood of your kid having future problems being exposed (Not the best word for this topic) to THAT behavior is greater than being around gays. Anyway, what is your child going to do when they go out in the "real world" and ARE going to be in a world that contains gays, whether you like it or not. And no, I am not gay. I am a 57 year old man that has been married for 33 years and have raised two fine boys that have been around gays their whole life. Not by choice, but again, it's out there and it 'aint going away.0 -
There is NO WAY IN HELL my kid would be going on that trip...and I could care less what my wife thought of my ultimate decision about the matter. Tell your friend to be a man and lead his family. 0
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