Skip to main content
Help Center Community Shop

A real hypothetical question

dcon12
If you found out that you had inoperable cancer, would you tell your family? And why? Don
0

Comments

35 comments

Date Votes
  • mcaso
    Not until I have to. No use in getting them upset over the invevitable until necessary.
    0
  • elkoholic
    Yes. Dealing with grief is a long process. Allowing your family to start on that process while they can still talk with you is very important.
    0
  • needmyguns
    yes wouldn't you think they would have the right to know..by the way you are feeling ok arn't you don..
    0
  • Permanently deleted user
    I agree with elkoholic.
    0
  • Permanently deleted user
    Please tell that this is not the case with you!?!?
    0
  • Nighthawk
    Thats a good question I cant honestly answer, I guess I would have to be in that position to know?
    0
  • dcon12
    I do not believe I would say anything to anyone. Be kind to those you love and slip away from those you hate. Don
    0
  • Colt Super
    I don't think I'd tell them.

    But I would try to get the most solid handle I could on how long I had left.

    In the last couple of months, I would make sure some would precede me.

    Former wives - are you paying attention ??

    Except for Ann.

    Doug

    * edited for spelling
    0
  • mcaso
    Maybe I should have said that I have seen it both ways. Not telling seems to have been the kinder way. The family will learn soon enough to do all the grieving that they need to do. Most of the grieving takes place after one is gone. Before that the family feels obligated to do something and they don't know what, because there is nothing that they can do except feel bad for their loved one. And neither needs that.
    0
  • daveald
    I think that, you have to tell, because there are so many details that must be taken care of. Idoubt that anyone would want to put all of the preperations on someone they loved.
    I know that you have been to funerals where the spouse never had any idea how there spouse wanted to be buried. I have taken care of several funerals in my short life and I never had one that was easy.
    What would your reaction be if your spouse died, and you found out she knew. Bet you would be pissed.

    Now reading the posts here its apperant that many people care about you so answer there question, are you dying?
    I say the above because I am no longer married. I'm going to crawl into the woods and die alone. but I do have my affairs in order.
    0
  • Paleobrute
    quote:Originally posted by dcon12
    If you found out that you had inoperable cancer, would you tell your family? And why? Don


    Depends on the family. Some of my family members would pester you to death fretting over you needlessly. Sometimes the best intentions only serve to make it "the paramount thing on everyone's mind". I'd say only tell who you had to immediately, get your affairs in order...then give the rest of them two weeks notice (at most), just like at work.

    Hope you're not asking this 'for a reason'....
    0
  • bamafan
    Actually, I have been through something of the same nature. A close family member did not want to be treated any "different" because of what was going to happen.
    0
  • HandgunHTR52
    My father didn't let any of us know that he had cancer. His death was a major shock to all of us. It was really tough knowing that he knew but didn't tell any of us.
    0
  • dheffley
    I'd have to tell them or they would pester me to death after they found out wanting to know why I didn't.[V]
    0
  • JamesRK
    If it were my wife I would want to know. I'd have to show her the same respect.
    0
  • Sav99
    quote:Originally posted by elkoholic
    Yes. Dealing with grief is a long process. Allowing your family to start on that process while they can still talk with you is very important.



    I agree with Elk. Wisdom dictates that you tell them so that they can begin to go through the process. Which of course would include saying and doing all those things that we wish we had after its too late.
    0
  • select-fire
    How long has the Dr. given you to live?
    0
  • Captplaid
    I don't tell my parents if I have a job interview. Nag. Nag. Nag. We didn't tell them about the pregnancy until we were sure about it. Again, nag nag nag.

    Terminal cancer would be different. I suppose they would find out soon enough. The several trips to the doctor would become suspicious.
    0
  • dongizmo
    I have watched relatives suffer from cancer, past the point where they had any choice. Family members like to hold onto hope that there is a cure, and often don't do the right thing.
    I have met Dr. Jack Kevorkian, he is truly a personable man, and I believe a honorable man. I know what I would do.
    I would die with dignity.
    Don
    0
  • ChetStafford
    I would tell my wife but not the kids until I started to get very sick They might hate me later for it but at their ages losing someone very close to them would be hard enough but I think that giving them 6 months to worry about it would be unfair to them

    Maybe I am wrong but that is how I would do it
    0
  • select-fire
    quote:Originally posted by dongizmo
    I have watched relatives suffer from cancer, past the point where they had any choice. Family members like to hold onto hope that there is a cure, and often don't do the right thing.
    I have met Dr. Jack Kevorkian, he is truly a personable man, and I believe a honorable man. I know what I would do.
    I would die with dignity.
    Don


    I watched my Grampa die of enphezema a slow slow death. Finally they doped him up with morphine. When Grandma was tired at the hospital and in pain I spoke to her alone and ask her how much pain she was in? She said alot. She said she wanted to die and didn't want anymore pain. Nurse came in and heard her. Her days were real close. Finally Grandma told the nurse she needed more morphine. Nurse loaded her up. Grandma died that night in her sleep.
    0
  • tacking1
    quote:Originally posted by JamesRK
    If it were my wife I would want to know. I'd have to show her the same respect.


    this is where I land
    0
  • p3skyking
    No. I would only tell them how much I love them.
    0
  • bull300wsm
    I found out in the last few weeks that I have prostate cancer. I told my immediate family all but my young children (12,10&6). I think it helps me to try and deal with this.Also the news has spread somewhat throughout the family. I believe people want to help in their own way and maybe right a few wrongs. I know I need to tell a few that I am sorry for things I said or done to them and give them the chance also. Just my thoughts.....Bull
    0
  • River Rat
    Bull, good luck with your prognosis. If it means anything, I have heard that prostate cancer can take something like 20 years to finalize. I have had doctors tell me (older ones, of course) that if diagnosed with prostate cancer they would pass on the treatment, 20 yers of quality life being preferred. I am no authority, so do check out your options. God bless.

    As for the question, I would tell them.
    0
  • Colt Super
    Well - there you have it, from someone who has actually chosen - And I think he has made the right choice.

    Bull, please email me if you would like to talk, and I'll call you - I have some degree of been there, done that, experience.

    You will be in my prayers.

    Doug
    0
  • bull300wsm
    Thanks Doug and everyone else I will. I am still trying to get a lot done in this life and Lord willing I will. One of them is to make peace with some people and myself. Hopefully I can "listen in " on you guys for a while longer[:)] and I got to get me a 1911 to call my own. Hang in there guys I know I will...Bull[;)][8D]
    0
  • kimi
    Without question, yes.

    I had a good buddy, who had a large and loving family, whom I had not seen for twenty or thirty years, and he had inoperable cancer. He asked me if I could keep a secret, since he knew that we would never meet again in this life. Of course, I gave the man my word, and by the time the family found out about him they were not in any shape to deal with an incredibly shocking reality. Had my friend shared this news with them three to six months earlier, it would not have been nearly so shattering to his friends and family.
    0
  • kimi
    quote:Originally posted by bull300wsm
    Thanks Doug and everyone else I will. I am still trying to get a lot done in this life and Lord willing I will. One of them is to make peace with some people and myself. Hopefully I can "listen in " on you guys for a while longer[:)] and I got to get me a 1911 to call my own. Hang in there guys I know I will...Bull[;)][8D]


    My prayers and thoughts will be with you and yours, bull.
    0
  • Marc1301
    quote:Originally posted by kimi
    quote:Originally posted by bull300wsm
    Thanks Doug and everyone else I will. I am still trying to get a lot done in this life and Lord willing I will. One of them is to make peace with some people and myself. Hopefully I can "listen in " on you guys for a while longer[:)] and I got to get me a 1911 to call my own. Hang in there guys I know I will...Bull[;)][8D]


    My prayers and thoughts will be with you and yours, bull.

    Same for me Bull,........I have e-mailed you as you know, but do not want to intrude.
    If you want the info I offered, to talk to a person that has been through it, and is 100% 3 years later,......shoot me that mail!
    My friend has talked about 6 guys through this so far.[;)]
    0

Please sign in to leave a comment.

Recent Activity