Bad Joke thread
Some cows and one bull were standing in a field when a tornado came roaring by. The cows were all knocked down and rolled across the ground and the bull just stood there rocking slightly side to side.
After the wind had died down the cows all stood up and walked over to the bull and one asked him. How come you didn't get knocked end over end like we did. The bull replied
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. We Bulls Wobble But We Don't Fall Down.[:o)]
After the wind had died down the cows all stood up and walked over to the bull and one asked him. How come you didn't get knocked end over end like we did. The bull replied
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. We Bulls Wobble But We Don't Fall Down.[:o)]
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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton both arrive at the Pearly gates on the same day and they both go before Gabriel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these,
they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please the Lord to be able to see them every day for eternity."
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a com mode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time."0 -
Mother Theresa arrives in heaven, and while she is chatting with St. Peter, gets fitted for her halo, her reward for being a true servant. When she's done, she checks it out in the mirror, and is impressed.
She steps through the gates, and the first person she sees is Princess Diana.
She steps back out of the gates and asks St. Peter "I know Diana was a wonderful woman, and helped out many people, but my deeds helped millions. Why is her halo so much bigger than mine ?"
St. Peter kind of hung his head, cleared his throat, and in a low voice said "That's not a halo, it's a steering wheel".0 -
I knew a girl in high school that had a steering wheel around her head alot. 0 -
Two blonde woman were walking along a river when one yelled over to the other. Hey how do I get to the other side? The other replies..You are on the other side..[:D] 0 -
Why did the ghost need a Band-aid? He had a Boo Boo.. 0 -
You. 0 -
My favorite (Bad) joke. [:)]
Picture This,a guy dreamed he ate a giant marshmallow and when he woke up his pillow was gone.[:D]0 -
quote:Originally posted by ATF
My favorite (Bad) joke. [:)]
Picture This,a guy dreamed he ate a giant marshmallow and when he woke up his pillow was gone.[:D]
That's funny![:D][:D]0 -
- bad jokes from the 60's my dad told me that nobody thinks is funny anymore-
what's purple and goes bang bang bang bang?
a 4 door grape.
what's brown and goes 150 mph?
a fuel-injected potato.0 -
A mugger jumped in front of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this. I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," snarled the mugger, "give me my money!"0 -
quote:Originally posted by buschmaster
- bad jokes from the 60's my dad told me that nobody thinks is funny anymore-
what's purple and goes bang bang bang bang?
a 4 door grape.
what's brown and goes 150 mph?
a fuel-injected potato.
[?]0 -
quote:Originally posted by Henry0Reilly
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton both arrive at the Pearly gates on the same day and they both go before Gabriel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these,
they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please the Lord to be able to see them every day for eternity."
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a com mode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time."
[:D][:D][:D][:D]0 -
quote:Originally posted by Zulu7
[?]this is the bad joke thread... [:D]0 -
Two monkeys are in the bathtub. One says "Pass the soap, please.". The other says "No soap. Radio."
My sister told me that 40 years ago and I still don't get it.0 -
[8D]-Guy goes into a bar with a parrot on his head--
--Bartender say's "where'd you get that idiot" ??
--Parrot say's--"Bar next door"--
--[xx(][xx(]--JIMBO0 -
quote:Originally posted by Zulu7
quote:Originally posted by buschmaster
- bad jokes from the 60's my dad told me that nobody thinks is funny anymore-
what's purple and goes bang bang bang bang?
a 4 door grape.
what's brown and goes 150 mph?
a fuel-injected potato.
[?]
That response is funny!0 -
how do you catch a unique rabbit?
unique up on it.0 -
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?" [:D]0 -
The best thing to ever come out
of Arkansas....... Interstate 40. [:0][:D]0 -
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
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Tame way, unique up on it.0 -
Two cows were standing in a field together. One cow looked at the other one and exclaims, "This Mad-Cow disease thing has me scared out of my wits!".
The second cow says, "Not me."
"Oh, why is that?" asks the first cow.
"Cuz, I'm a helicopter!"0 -
Q: What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
A: Nacho cheese!
A grasshopper hops into a bar, and jumps up on a barstool. The bartender looks at him intently and says "Hey, you know we've got a drink named after you here.".
The grasshopper, surprised, says "Really? You've got a drink named Lenny?".0 -
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed...
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."0 -
[:D] 0 -
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a
bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what?" A rectum stretcher, and just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I
work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly
but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot azzhole?" he asked
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket, $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face...... PRICELESS
[:D]0 -
Here's how you catch an elephant;
Dig a big hole and fill it with wood ashes.
Line up peas four inches apart around the hole, fresh works best but frozen will work if thawed first.
When an elephant comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ashhole.0 -
Whats the best way to confuse a moron?
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[}:)]0 -
why did the elephant cross the road?
it had a chicken stapled to its forehead.
why did the chicken cross the road?
the farmer was chasing it.
(that was a dirty joke)0 -
Fred and Wilma had been together for several years. One day Fred shows up at his office party without Wilma. After several people ask about her, Fred finally breaks down and says that he and Wilma broke up.
When they asked why, Fred explained that he and Wilma had gone out to a bar, and that both of them had WAAAYYYY too much to drink. Fred said he got home, and promptly passed out. When he woke up, Wilma was blowing chunks.
Several people chastised him for being so callous as to ditch his long term girl after getting sick, until Fred said " 'Chunks' is my dogs name."0 -
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.0
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