Raising girls...spoiling...or setting esteem high?
You know I really don't get it. I'm a girl....but I am not typical so I guess I can't understand. I don't get my nails done, go to hair appointments, shop for anything much ever. I wear jeans my husband outgrew and a pony tail is the most time I spend on getting ready.
Here I have two coming up one behind the other and I feel like I'm losing my mind at times. The older one had been a bit of a tom-boy but NOT NOW. She has the $100 hair appointments and has been trying on clothes for over an hour now.....here is a bucket of clothes she thinks just HAVE to go.
I think I went through a phase sort of like this....but got over it because I remember my father saying "I hope you marry someone who makes money" but I can't remember why he said that to me at the time......but I can hear him saying it every time I look at that bucket. (by the way...notice the Hollister jeans on the top of the pile!)
Here I have two coming up one behind the other and I feel like I'm losing my mind at times. The older one had been a bit of a tom-boy but NOT NOW. She has the $100 hair appointments and has been trying on clothes for over an hour now.....here is a bucket of clothes she thinks just HAVE to go.
I think I went through a phase sort of like this....but got over it because I remember my father saying "I hope you marry someone who makes money" but I can't remember why he said that to me at the time......but I can hear him saying it every time I look at that bucket. (by the way...notice the Hollister jeans on the top of the pile!)
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Sell them on GunBroker... 0 -
Most of today's youth seems to have undeservedly high esteem.
I'm not belittling your parenting skills. As a matter of fact, I'm deeply thankful to you for opening a window into my future. But these days, kids have unrealistically high opinions of themselves.
I don't have any idea how I'm going to ingrain humility into my daughter's character without stepping on her normal self-esteem, except by example.
As in, "You see what Daddy just did? Don't do that."
It's all I have.0 -
This all started this afternoon when she asked if...."grandmama could take her shopping" (the woman who raised me and wouldn't buy NAME BRAND TOILET PAPER who now buys whatever my kids want)
I told her she had clothes and it hadn't been all that long since she had gone "shopping." She decided to put on a parade....full of look at this (I still don't know what I was supposed to be looking at.) I guess she thinks making a pile of perfectly good clothes will make me run out and buy more. I don't get the logic where showing me how many clothes she owns....enough to get rid of THIS many....will make me want to buy more?0 -
We've got a terrific second-hand consignment store right next to our studios.
There's a way to make a little extra cash. Sure, it's dimes on the dollar, but it helps mitigate shopping damage.
Anything like that where you are?0 -
Well Locust, first you have to furnish naked photos of the girls. THEN we male experts can deem what is necessary clothing for said bodies. I have personally seen girls that would look great in BURKAS and others who would look great in nothing at all. It is just too complicated to figure out here. BTY I have a grown daughter who never listened to me either!! Tom 0 -
There are several of them....but I have absolutely NO time for anything like keeping up with who has what clothes and going back to find the jeans you gave $50 for sold for $15...and you get $7. I would rather give them to people who may could use them. I call around to all of my friends and see who is in the size range of my kids then ask to see who wants to come get them. The younger kids aren't so hard to find people who can use the clothes.....10 and under will wear anything you put in front of them. When they get this big its a little trickier to get them to someone who can use them.
I have been giving them to the school nurse to give to families who need them. Our little town has a good bit of grandparents raising kids and things like that.....Jeans and coats usually. She asked if I could bring new underwear one time (I did....but its wierd to think of someone else when you are shopping for underwear.)0 -
Well, bless ya.
I've offered the only help I have.
Good luck with the girls, and keep me posted.
I need to be prepared.0 -
Hollister? What the heck.
That girl is livin it good!!! FIEW!!!!!!!
What happened to the walmart clothes? PSSHHHH!!! I still get mine from walmart, or a farm and home store, who cares what they look like, what what they cost. (I take that back, too tight = cruddy, and i like my shirts to fit decent.) Otherwise, I dont care.
heck, i bought a bunch of jeans for 5 bucks a pair at the farm and home store, LOVE those jeans!!!
Tell her to buy her own for a change, I bet she wont get hollister then0 -
Maybe if you washed them, she would wear them 0 -
quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
Maybe if you washed them, she would wear them
Thats how their supposed to look, smart butt0 -
quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
Maybe if you washed them, she would wear them
besides if she's old enough to tell you she wants so and so jeans and 100 dollar hair appointments she is old enough to wash them herself.............are you?0 -
Simply say no, out of the question. You will not negotiate with terrorists.......errr I mean daughters. Honestly sounds to me like they need to go find a damn job and start paying if their expectations are that high. They are not to young to work, I started commercial fishing when I was 12 and trained dogs for AKC shows and hunting trials in the off season. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
I call around to all of my friends and see who is in the size range of my kids then ask to see who wants to come get them.
You might check to see if your community has a http://www.freesharing.org group (or Freecycle - but I don't care for their politics, which is a looong story I won't go into)0 -
Hi LF -
Your Daughter doesn't know the Value of Money yet, as she hasn't had to work for it yet...
As long as she is spending "gazoonies" she will just spend and spend, with no thought of how hard it is to earn them. We "fixed" our Girl and by example, our best friends' daughter also, by sitting her down and showing her our finances - here is what we earn, here is what our house costs, here is what the car costs, insurance, etc. We had her help pay the family bills for a while, stuffing the envelopes, and doing the subtraction, till we got to the disposable/clothing part. We then agreed on an amount that we spent on her for the year. dividied by twelve, and told her, "here is what you can spend on yourself each month". Then we let her be in charge of her own money.
Well, it didn't take too many months of "manicures and hairdos, designer jeans" and such, followed by no money for lunch, can't afford tickets to a concert, and so on, that she suddenly found that J.C. Penney jeans were juuust fine, and that those shoes needed some maintenance instead of replacement, and the money saved was cool to have in her non-designer jeans pocket. She came around on her own, figured it out. We integrated gift money too, telling her that she may only accept gift money or gift clothing, if she: sent thank-you notes, and then saved half their value from her own money - putting it into a "college fund". Those were the rules, and we stuck to them. They worked great, and she felt she had some control, so she had only herself to blame if she was out of money.
We did the same when it came to a car - we offered one of our most used vehicles free, just she had to pay insurance if she got any tickets, and if she refused the old car, or destroyed it, then the next one was on her own dime. She still is driving the old pickup, now some five years later. (We had offered to pay exactly half of any car she wanted, if the pickup wasn't fine enough - we had talked about the phenomenon of depreciation when she turned the key on a new car, and did a side-byside comparo of costs with the old pickup vs any new car she was interested in...the pickup won.)
The day we made her in charge of her money, she started realizing that those $150 designer jeans blew her budget, she instantly turned into a bargain hound, and has been ever since. Since we were realistic, and gave her exactly what we were paying anyway, it was transparent to our family budget, it looked like a HUUGE amount to her, and she felt like she was in control. It helped her go to work, and it has helped her in the USAF - she is living on less than 40% of her income, and saving the rest, and laughing at the Airmen who go out the gate for Lunch in their new cars, with fancy wheels, who fuss half of each Month that they don't have money for a Latte at the beginning of the third week of each month.
That worked like a charm for us, and avoided the wheedling for new clothes, the begging and tantrums when she wanted anything. It sure made her aware of what her decisions did to her budget and how she could choose for herself. As far as handling the used stuff, she learned to SELL it, not just throw it out.
Maybe this can help you.0 -
"Your Daughter doesn't know the Value of Money yet, as she hasn't had to work for it yet"
BINGO......enough said...You make waaaaaayyyyyyyyy to much money on G.B. and she knows it[:o)]imo,nambu0 -
From the way you've been complaining about your kids lately, it sounds like you can't control them.
You complained about your daughter getting a beemer and all you had to do was say no to it.
You complained about how your TEN year old son had a bad haircut and you can't teach him to brush his teeth without being reminded.
Now you complain about clothes??
I think I would keep personal stuff like that to yourself and quit advertising the fact that you can't control your own kids.
Sorry, couldnt keep my mouth shut any longer (I tried, I swear)
I'm pretty sick of penny auction posts and can't control my kids posts.
pathetic[V]0 -
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
You know I really don't get it. I'm a girl....
The first step to getting better is to admit you have a problem. You've taken that brave, first step. Kudos!0 -
We told our youngest son when he turned 16, that he was now buying his own clothes. That twice a year we would give him a clothing check and he could spend it on whatever he wished (e.g. hi fi speakers) but don't ask us for anymore clothing money.
He never again asked us to buy the name brand jeans or $200 sneakers. He started buying at Walmart! Great solution for us.0 -
quote:Originally posted by tccox
Well Locust, first you have to furnish naked photos of the girls. THEN we male experts can deem what is necessary clothing for said bodies. I have personally seen girls that would look great in BURKAS and others who would look great in nothing at all. It is just too complicated to figure out here. BTY I have a grown daughter who never listened to me either!! Tom
I'm about 99.999999% sure her daughters are underrage.
Bad idea.0 -
quote:Originally posted by jabronij3
quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
Maybe if you washed them, she would wear them
besides if she's old enough to tell you she wants so and so jeans and 100 dollar hair appointments she is old enough to wash them herself.............are you?
Sounds to me like she's old enough to flip burgers to buy her own crap.0 -
sit them in front of tv, send them to public school, let them access the internet, then let society mould what it wants of them. theyll do fine.
heck, all of america is doing it, why not?[:o)][:I]
or,
"train up a child in ways of THE LORD, so when they grow old, they will not depart from it."
hey mom, take charge now, or youll lose the battle.[;)]0 -
quote:Originally posted by rogue_rob
From the way you've been complaining about your kids lately, it sounds like you can't control them.
You complained about your daughter getting a beemer and all you had to do was say no to it.
You complained about how your TEN year old son had a bad haircut and you can't teach him to brush his teeth without being reminded.
Now you complain about clothes??
I think I would keep personal stuff like that to yourself and quit advertising the fact that you can't control your own kids.
Sorry, couldnt keep my mouth shut any longer (I tried, I swear)
I'm pretty sick of penny auction posts and can't control my kids posts.
pathetic[V]
no offence or anything, but then why do you read them?0 -
Okay, now my real answer here.
Mom and Dad raised two boys and one girl. I have an older brother, then there's me, and then there's my younger sister. There is a nine-year age difference between my sister and me.
I was raised to be self-sufficient. If I wanted something that was considered a luxury by my parents, Mom and Dad said, "You want that? Get a job." So, at 13, I was working after school and over the summer so I could get what I want.
Before 13, if I wanted a luxury, I had to save up my allowance. I did not get my allowance simply for existing. I had chores that I needed to complete each week.
We lived about two miles from school. From about age 10 on, unless it was raining, I was expected to walk or ride my bike to school.
When it came time to get a car (this is where this conversation gets to be important, too, because your daughter is going to be given that BMW), Mom and Dad told me to save my money and buy one. I was also told that I would have to pay for gas and all the maintenance. They did say that they would pay the insurance, but one ticket or one accident, and I'd be taking on that cost as well. So, I bought a 13-year old car.
I'm now 39 and I've been a responsible adult since I moved out of my parents house after college graduation. I've made some mistakes in my life, but I've also learned from them. I worked for 15 years for one company before deciding to go to graduate school. I'll be graduating in eight weeks, I've got an interesting lead on a great job, and I'll hopefully have earned my MBA with a 4.0 GPA.
Now, let's contrast that with my sister. She was Daddy's Baby Girl. If she wanted something, Daddy bought it for her. I heard, "She's a girl," as an excuse for just about everything whenever I asked, "How come she gets ______ and I could never have that?" She wanted new clothes when her old clothes were perfectly fine, she got it. She wanted the latest and greatest toys? She got them.
She went to the same schools that I attended. She was chauffered until she was 16. Why? Because she was a girl. The world was full of sickos, just frothing at the mouth, waiting to pounce on my sister. Of course, I'd mention that the sickos liked little boys, too, and the standard answer was, "You had your brother to watch out for you."
Never mind the fact that my brother would have sold me to gypsies for a bottle of cheap beer given the chance.
When it came time for my sister to drive, she was presented with a brand new Volvo, which she promptly wrecked. She decided she didn't like driving (there's a surprise) and demanded that Mom and Dad continue to chauffer her, which they gladly did.
My sister is 30 years old. She's a complete, spoiled little biatch. I love her, mind you, but I can't stand to be around her more than about five minutes. She has a college degree, but she can't hold down a job. She's decided that work is too difficult. She found some sucker to marry, back when she was working, and about three months into the marriage she managed to lose another job and "took some time off." Since her husband works afternoons and evenings, and has pretty much put down his foot and informed her that he doesn't care what she does, but she will work, she now cashiers at Wal-mart part-time because it requires little thought or effort on her part.
By the way, Daddy can't stand being around her either. He thinks she's spoiled and irresponsible. Of course, when he complains I've always shot back, "But, she's a girl!" I usually get dirty looks, but he understands what I'm saying.
There's a huge difference between acting girlie and being a spoiled brat. My wife acts girlie, but she also knows how to be a productive member of society and not take things for granted. I allow her her shoe fetish because, aside from having to have 30,000,000 pairs of shoes, she doesn't waste money and is a very responsible adult.0 -
Sorry Mom ... but it goes with the car!
Hey, you got to walk the walk if you're going to be driving a Beemer!
Enjoy!0 -
Your kids need to learn the god is spelled MOM, and acting as the right hand of god is MR. BELT.
Mr Belt will be happy to give them a much better reason to cry, than not getting the pants or haircut they want.
Mr Belt will be glad to assist them with brushing their teeth and cleaning the house.
Mr Belt will be sure to convay to them the meaning of respect.
YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES. If they don't like it, they can get a real job and a place of their own (with no assistance whatsoever from you or your mother).0 -
Wait till they are gone, and take the jeans outside, strap them up and shoot them with a shotgun or .30. Put them in a bag and let them see your new expensive purchase from the store. The raggier, holeier the better. Tell them you hate em' and they will like em' just to show you ... 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Jacob2008
quote:Originally posted by rogue_rob
From the way you've been complaining about your kids lately, it sounds like you can't control them.
You complained about your daughter getting a beemer and all you had to do was say no to it.
You complained about how your TEN year old son had a bad haircut and you can't teach him to brush his teeth without being reminded.
Now you complain about clothes??
I think I would keep personal stuff like that to yourself and quit advertising the fact that you can't control your own kids.
Sorry, couldnt keep my mouth shut any longer (I tried, I swear)
I'm pretty sick of penny auction posts and can't control my kids posts.
pathetic[V]
no offence or anything, but then why do you read them?
The same reason you would watch a train wreck or a car accident. Morbid curiosity.0 -
Oh I never said I was BUYING any clothes....just thought it was funny that a pile was laid out before me to gander at. She is a good girl. You know those moments where you realize your kids are GOOD PEOPLE...I have had several of those moments. To Rogue all I can say is....whatever.
The mind of a 15 year old girl is funny. You can't ever say you know what its like unless you've been there for the show.
Spaniel....I have a sister worse than yours. She is a horrible thing to even think about. Me and her were raised by the same people is just shocking to think about. You just can't fix things like that.
HandLoad...I am hoping that I can get her to realize a little more when she gets out into the "working world." It won't be long before she will be out and earning a buck for herself. Right now I have MY parents to try and compensate for. They have done 99% of the spoiling here.
The hair appointment was a funny thing. She had tried to color it blonde.....and fried the mess out of it. I left her at the local salon (lady's basement business for the past 30 yrs) and next thing you know I was writing a check for $100!!! That won't happen again.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
Oh I never said I was BUYING any clothes....just thought it was funny that a pile was laid out before me to gander at. She is a good girl. You know those moments where you realize your kids are GOOD PEOPLE...I have had several of those moments. To Rogue all I can say is....whatever.
The mind of a 15 year old girl is funny. You can't ever say you know what its like unless you've been there for the show.
Spaniel....I have a sister worse than yours. She is a horrible thing to even think about. Me and her were raised by the same people is just shocking to think about. You just can't fix things like that.
HandLoad...I am hoping that I can get her to realize a little more when she gets out into the "working world." It won't be long before she will be out and earning a buck for herself. Right now I have MY parents to try and compensate for. They have done 99% of the spoiling here.
The hair appointment was a funny thing. She had tried to color it blonde.....and fried the mess out of it. I left her at the local salon (lady's basement business for the past 30 yrs) and next thing you know I was writing a check for $100!!! That won't happen again.
$100.00?!
Ive spent maybe 200.00 on haircuts my whole life. my cousin is a beautician... hope she makes that much too!0 -
quote:Never mind the fact that my brother would have sold me to gypsies for a bottle of cheap beer given the chance.
[:D][:D][:D]0
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