Raising girls...spoiling...or setting esteem high?
You know I really don't get it. I'm a girl....but I am not typical so I guess I can't understand. I don't get my nails done, go to hair appointments, shop for anything much ever. I wear jeans my husband outgrew and a pony tail is the most time I spend on getting ready.
Here I have two coming up one behind the other and I feel like I'm losing my mind at times. The older one had been a bit of a tom-boy but NOT NOW. She has the $100 hair appointments and has been trying on clothes for over an hour now.....here is a bucket of clothes she thinks just HAVE to go.
I think I went through a phase sort of like this....but got over it because I remember my father saying "I hope you marry someone who makes money" but I can't remember why he said that to me at the time......but I can hear him saying it every time I look at that bucket. (by the way...notice the Hollister jeans on the top of the pile!)
Here I have two coming up one behind the other and I feel like I'm losing my mind at times. The older one had been a bit of a tom-boy but NOT NOW. She has the $100 hair appointments and has been trying on clothes for over an hour now.....here is a bucket of clothes she thinks just HAVE to go.
I think I went through a phase sort of like this....but got over it because I remember my father saying "I hope you marry someone who makes money" but I can't remember why he said that to me at the time......but I can hear him saying it every time I look at that bucket. (by the way...notice the Hollister jeans on the top of the pile!)
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quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
Oh I never said I was BUYING any clothes....just thought it was funny that a pile was laid out before me to gander at. She is a good girl. You know those moments where you realize your kids are GOOD PEOPLE...I have had several of those moments. To Rogue all I can say is....whatever.
The mind of a 15 year old girl is funny. You can't ever say you know what its like unless you've been there for the show.
Spaniel....I have a sister worse than yours. She is a horrible thing to even think about. Me and her were raised by the same people is just shocking to think about. You just can't fix things like that.
HandLoad...I am hoping that I can get her to realize a little more when she gets out into the "working world." It won't be long before she will be out and earning a buck for herself. Right now I have MY parents to try and compensate for. They have done 99% of the spoiling here.
The hair appointment was a funny thing. She had tried to color it blonde.....and fried the mess out of it. I left her at the local salon (lady's basement business for the past 30 yrs) and next thing you know I was writing a check for $100!!! That won't happen again.
lol, sounds like that's what you're telling your children too.0 -
I don't think you want to hear what I say to them at times. They are a good bunch.....but SOMETIMES they just don't see it coming. Like the jeans. Wait until I've gotten rid of these....and she doesn't HAVE the pile to resort to when she can't find the two or three pairs she likes! That will be a funny period of time. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
quote:Never mind the fact that my brother would have sold me to gypsies for a bottle of cheap beer given the chance.
[:D][:D][:D]
You think I'm joking... but I'm not.0 -
quote:Originally posted by rogue_rob
From the way you've been complaining about your kids lately, it sounds like you can't control them.
You complained about your daughter getting a beemer and all you had to do was say no to it.
You complained about how your TEN year old son had a bad haircut and you can't teach him to brush his teeth without being reminded.
Now you complain about clothes??
I think I would keep personal stuff like that to yourself and quit advertising the fact that you can't control your own kids.
Sorry, couldnt keep my mouth shut any longer (I tried, I swear)
I'm pretty sick of penny auction posts and can't control my kids posts.
pathetic[V]
Ditto!!
JUST TELL THEM ....NO!!0 -
quote:Originally posted by Jacob2008
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
Oh I never said I was BUYING any clothes....just thought it was funny that a pile was laid out before me to gander at. She is a good girl. You know those moments where you realize your kids are GOOD PEOPLE...I have had several of those moments. To Rogue all I can say is....whatever.
The mind of a 15 year old girl is funny. You can't ever say you know what its like unless you've been there for the show.
Spaniel....I have a sister worse than yours. She is a horrible thing to even think about. Me and her were raised by the same people is just shocking to think about. You just can't fix things like that.
HandLoad...I am hoping that I can get her to realize a little more when she gets out into the "working world." It won't be long before she will be out and earning a buck for herself. Right now I have MY parents to try and compensate for. They have done 99% of the spoiling here.
The hair appointment was a funny thing. She had tried to color it blonde.....and fried the mess out of it. I left her at the local salon (lady's basement business for the past 30 yrs) and next thing you know I was writing a check for $100!!! That won't happen again.
$100.00?!
Ive spent maybe 200.00 on haircuts my whole life. my cousin is a beautician... hope she makes that much too!
I drop about $25 for a haircut. I refuse to let some schmuck at Cost Cutters do my hair because they're almost all clueless and dammit, I can't wear a hat around town, especially while I'm looking for a job.0 -
How about this:
Open the kid a checking account. Teach her how to use it, emphasizing keeping it balanced and up to date, and with a balance above zero.
Decide how much you are willing to spend per month on the kid for clothes, makeup, hair, nails, etc. Put that much money in the account each month.
If she runs out of funds before the end of the month, DO NOT bail her out or offer an advance. If she gets overdrawn, let it stay between her and the bank. If she gets hit for a few overdraft charges, or has to go and pick up a bounced check or two, she will learn.
It's the real world, and she will have to deal with it sooner or later.
You know what? I found out, with boys, that if they have to reach in their own pocket to buy their clothes, and know that the funds are finite, they think twice before paying $60 for one pair of jeans.
On another note: I never understood why anyone would buy a pair of jeans that always looks like it needs washing.0 -
It is going to get more expensive. I have 3 nieces who also live here in Alabama, from Huntville. They are 18,21,and 25. They know about Kate Spade and Coach Purses, good jewelry, Rolex watches, and designer clothes. The oldest one graduated from Birmingham Southern. Check out what it costs to go to school there. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by spanielsells
quote:Originally posted by Jacob2008
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
Oh I never said I was BUYING any clothes....just thought it was funny that a pile was laid out before me to gander at. She is a good girl. You know those moments where you realize your kids are GOOD PEOPLE...I have had several of those moments. To Rogue all I can say is....whatever.
The mind of a 15 year old girl is funny. You can't ever say you know what its like unless you've been there for the show.
Spaniel....I have a sister worse than yours. She is a horrible thing to even think about. Me and her were raised by the same people is just shocking to think about. You just can't fix things like that.
HandLoad...I am hoping that I can get her to realize a little more when she gets out into the "working world." It won't be long before she will be out and earning a buck for herself. Right now I have MY parents to try and compensate for. They have done 99% of the spoiling here.
The hair appointment was a funny thing. She had tried to color it blonde.....and fried the mess out of it. I left her at the local salon (lady's basement business for the past 30 yrs) and next thing you know I was writing a check for $100!!! That won't happen again.
$100.00?!
Ive spent maybe 200.00 on haircuts my whole life. my cousin is a beautician... hope she makes that much too!
I drop about $25 for a haircut. I refuse to let some schmuck at Cost Cutters do my hair because they're almost all clueless and dammit, I can't wear a hat around town, especially while I'm looking for a job.
i get mine from a 10$ barber ive seen my whole life, or my mom.
My cousin has cut it 2 times i suppose0 -
quote:Originally posted by spanielsells
Okay, now my real answer here.
Mom and Dad raised two boys and one girl. I have an older brother, then there's me, and then there's my younger sister. There is a nine-year age difference between my sister and me.
I was raised to be self-sufficient. If I wanted something that was considered a luxury by my parents, Mom and Dad said, "You want that? Get a job." So, at 13, I was working after school and over the summer so I could get what I want.
Before 13, if I wanted a luxury, I had to save up my allowance. I did not get my allowance simply for existing. I had chores that I needed to complete each week.
We lived about two miles from school. From about age 10 on, unless it was raining, I was expected to walk or ride my bike to school.
When it came time to get a car (this is where this conversation gets to be important, too, because your daughter is going to be given that BMW), Mom and Dad told me to save my money and buy one. I was also told that I would have to pay for gas and all the maintenance. They did say that they would pay the insurance, but one ticket or one accident, and I'd be taking on that cost as well. So, I bought a 13-year old car.
I'm now 39 and I've been a responsible adult since I moved out of my parents house after college graduation. I've made some mistakes in my life, but I've also learned from them. I worked for 15 years for one company before deciding to go to graduate school. I'll be graduating in eight weeks, I've got an interesting lead on a great job, and I'll hopefully have earned my MBA with a 4.0 GPA.
Now, let's contrast that with my sister. She was Daddy's Baby Girl. If she wanted something, Daddy bought it for her. I heard, "She's a girl," as an excuse for just about everything whenever I asked, "How come she gets ______ and I could never have that?" She wanted new clothes when her old clothes were perfectly fine, she got it. She wanted the latest and greatest toys? She got them.
She went to the same schools that I attended. She was chauffered until she was 16. Why? Because she was a girl. The world was full of sickos, just frothing at the mouth, waiting to pounce on my sister. Of course, I'd mention that the sickos liked little boys, too, and the standard answer was, "You had your brother to watch out for you."
Never mind the fact that my brother would have sold me to gypsies for a bottle of cheap beer given the chance.
When it came time for my sister to drive, she was presented with a brand new Volvo, which she promptly wrecked. She decided she didn't like driving (there's a surprise) and demanded that Mom and Dad continue to chauffer her, which they gladly did.
My sister is 30 years old. She's a complete, spoiled little biatch. I love her, mind you, but I can't stand to be around her more than about five minutes. She has a college degree, but she can't hold down a job. She's decided that work is too difficult. She found some sucker to marry, back when she was working, and about three months into the marriage she managed to lose another job and "took some time off." Since her husband works afternoons and evenings, and has pretty much put down his foot and informed her that he doesn't care what she does, but she will work, she now cashiers at Wal-mart part-time because it requires little thought or effort on her part.
By the way, Daddy can't stand being around her either. He thinks she's spoiled and irresponsible. Of course, when he complains I've always shot back, "But, she's a girl!" I usually get dirty looks, but he understands what I'm saying.
There's a huge difference between acting girlie and being a spoiled brat. My wife acts girlie, but she also knows how to be a productive member of society and not take things for granted. I allow her her shoe fetish because, aside from having to have 30,000,000 pairs of shoes, she doesn't waste money and is a very responsible adult.
"She's a girl." Yeah I've heard that one a lot when I was going up. Now my sister lives in the farm house down the road. Never had a house payment. It's falling down around her. Smells like cats. and never cuts her own grass. I don't know what she is going to do when the house finally falls down.
My aunt and uncle wanted to buy my grandfathers house once. He said "NO" He told them he didn't want them to screw up me cousin like my parents screwed up my sister. That didn't sit well, but it was true.
LF, you confirm my suspicion that I have no idea how to raise a girl.0 -
"Well, it didn't take too many months of "manicures and hairdos, designer jeans" and such, followed by no money for lunch, can't afford tickets to a concert, and so on, that she suddenly found that J.C. Penney jeans were juuust fine"
She has to 'settle' for jeans at J.C. Penney? That's almost a form of abuse now isn't it?
LOL! I really had to laugh out loud at this. This surely is a window into how rough kids have it these days. And we wonder why they act spoiled and nobody wants to work for anything.
To the original poster:
The average pair of jeans for me (from J.C. Penney) last up to 2 years (or more), being worn once a week and my job can be hard on them. I highly doubt your girls have 'worn out' those jeans unless they've grown out of them.0
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