Marriage
well guys all h.ll broke loose and I thought 16 years of marriage was down the drain. But we chose to give it another chance and talk to a marriage counselor.I have to say it was hard to do so at 1st but I belive it really helps and it looks like things my be going to be allright [:)][:)]
Taz
Taz
0
-
Did you marry the right girl or think you should have married ??? if she would have agreed. 0 -
When I entered my early teens, my father forbade me to marry before I was 27. It didn't make sense to me then.
It didn't make sense to me when I married at 25.
It still didn't make sense to me when I divorced at 27.
Now I'm 36 and finally, it makes sense to me.
I'm not saying there aren't a WHOLE bunch of couples who've been happily married since they were [xx]. I'm just saying that in my case, I should have listened to my father, and I think a lot of other people would do well to do the same.
You are not necessarily approaching who you finally will be until you approach your late 20's. How can you expect to pick a life-partner before you know who you are?0 -
With all the debate about same-sex marriages, perhaps it is time to discuss the institution of marriage itself. Webster's dictionary defines marriage as the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family. Some would argue that the family is a microcosm of society and further that as the family goes so will the society go. Hence, the breakup of the family may cause the breakup of society. The question that remains, however, is if marriage is still necessarily the best institution to found a family. We are constantly reminded that the divorce rate is approximately fifty percent in the United States or that one of every two couples get divorced or you have a fifty-fifty chance of staying in the same marriage. Of the remaining fifty percent of couples who are married, only ten percent admit to being happy with the relationship. Any statistician in the world would say that numbers of these kind would indicate that something is seriously wrong with the institution of marriage. Countless children experience the fallout of a bad marriage but at the same time use that experience as their only guide. People in our society receive the same amount of training about human relationships as they do about child rearing. Therefore it is little wonder that even though most people enter into a relationship with the best of intentions they flounder at communication and understanding. It is not good enough to expect that one can only learn about relationships from their family, friends and co-workers; one must be willing to educate themselves in philosophy, psychology, sociology, spirituality and economics. Another institution in our society, education, is supposed to help foster the growth and development of the individual and family but yet the current public school curriculum does not serve this end. Marriage in the United States today has become an institutional burden to relationships much like religion has become an institutional burden to spirituality. Too much focus is given to adhering to rules and regulations and not enough to fostering loving relationships. Consequently, cohabitating appears to be the natural evolutionary result of the breakdown of the marriage institution. Still, as with marriage, the legally binding requirement is that the children must be provided for. If we are not careful to begin again the conscious effort to cultivate a more serious approach to human relationships, marriage as an institution will cease to be taken seriously and ultimately fade away. 0 -
is a Union. Don 0 -
Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding,
he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when! I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're
here or not."
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'" (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!" (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is
so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to
go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts
right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough
draft before the masterpiece. SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH
AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.
My better half insisted that I post this.
Black Jack [B)][8D]0 -
very true for me too,that is why i was divorced at 26. i am now 39 came close once about 4 years ago but it did not take.i know half thr monkey business i pulled at my 20,s i would not do now. 0 -
Funny how when a couple hits a bumpy spot the first words out of their mouth is "I want a divorce."
Perhaps if the words "I am sorry" were said instead, the divorce rate would dwindle...
Married couples dont even try anymore...too easy to say "the hell with it, I am right, you are wrong....its my way or the highway"
Try a bit harder...say the words that are soo hard to say ...the words I am sorry (both say it) can do so much to repair a problem...0 -
My wife and I married young. She was 17 and I was 19. That was over 27 years ago. BlackRoses has it right. People don't try to make their marriage work. We've had some tough times too. I say I'm sorry, and she says "Damn right you are!" We get along well after that. 0 -
I agree with BlackRoses, people walk away way too easily, they seem to think getting married is like dating or something. One little bump in the road and they are off to divorce court. Working for the government like I do now, it is incredible how many of the people I meet are on their 3rd and 4th marriages, they talk about getting divorced like they are talking about changing underwear. When I tell them I am on my first, they just stare like I am an alien and say something like, Are you a Mormon or something? (I'm not.)And there are so many affairs going on, you never know who is doing who, it is really sick. On the other hand, I have friends from high school that have been married over 20 years, and I am only 42. Two of the girls I went to high school with got married when we were still seniors, they are both still married to the same men and both have children. They have had bumps along the road, but neither ever even separated. High school quarterback married the head cheerleader, still married. Good friend got his girlfriend pregnant when we were juniors, they are still married, ended up having 4 girls. Both my older sisters married their high school boy friends and they are both still married to them. Mom and Dad were married over 20 years when he died. Mom has been married to my step-Dad now for over 20. Wife and I have been through some tough financial times, me getting laid off a couple of times and such, but divorce never even entered the picture. You just talk about how to solve the problem and do it. I think a lot of it comes from how you are raised, you make a commitment and stick to it. Unless there is a real reason such as abuse or such. 0 -
Ditto to what black roses said.
Will add another few words " I love you "
Been there 44 years0 -
quote:Originally posted by PC800
I think a lot of it comes from how you are raised, you make a commitment and stick to it.
Some people don't learn how to make a proper commitment by their parents and just don't know how to stick with it.
I got married in Oct, I am 22. The wife and I have made a commitment to each other. One of the things we have talked about is divorce. We have decided that no matter what that divorce is never going to be an option.0 -
People are simply too selfish these days. The era of personal responsibility is gone. The blame game is in. "If you're unsatisfied in your life, it's probably somebody else's fault."
People live their entire lives feeling entitled and wrapped up in victimhood. To suggest that they too bear blame for their misfortunes is blasphemy.
Plus, it's become highly vogue to consider every aspect in your life (with the exception of your happiness at any given millisecond) as lighter than a feather. This includes your spouse and your children. Why should you sacrifice for anyone else? YOU shouldn't have to!
Considering all of these factors, I'm surprised the divorce rate is still only about 50%.0 -
i think guys that you forget sometimes there is a 3rd party invoved.
i know there was in my case when the trust is broke it is broke.0 -
I took a vow at 21. It hasn't been broken. 0 -
I wouldn't be with out a lady partner...
BUT...........if i'd been married , i'd probably be living in a shed,bedsit or caravan, whilst the *^??ch..has a life of sunshine at my cost !!
F*** that !! [:0]
Dads & grandpa made sence to me, i learned by watching pals !![;)]0 -
I would make a whole lot more money if "people (ran) to divorce Court" at the first sign of trouble. Not everyone does. Some people may get a divorce at the drop of a hat, but then why did they bother getting married in the first place? I find that people who took the marriage seriously don't lightly enter into a divorce.
If it was only so simple as saying "I'm Sorry". If someone keeps cheating on thier spouse, is "I'm sorry" enough to cut it? Obviously, there's a much bigger problem there....0 -
We've been married almost 35 years now and got married at 23 & 21. We've probably had at least one really great knock down, drag out argument a year since we've been married, but never considered divorce. I guess to a degree it depends on your definition of "till death do us part".
Every couple has some arguments unless one of them is brain dead, and every couple has some problems that will have to be dealt with. How you deal with those things says an awful lot about what kind of a person and problem solver you are and what kind of commitment you made.
"I'm sorry" and "I love you" can go a long ways, and sometimes you just have to shut up, even if you know you're right. Sometimes you simply have to ask yourself if being "right" is worth the cost at that moment in time. You'll probably get your chance to be "right" later, and it's likely to cause fewer problems at that time, so bite your tongue and shut up for a while. If the relationship is worth having, it's worth putting up with a bit to keep it going. I'm not talking about becoming a lapdog; I'm talking about not insisting on "winning" to the point that you lose what it is you wanted in the first place. It's not really about "winning" anyhow, is it? I thought it was supposed to be about working together.[:)]0 -
quote:If it was only so simple as saying "I'm Sorry". If someone keeps cheating on thier spouse, is "I'm sorry" enough to cut it? Obviously, there's a much bigger problem there....
I said BUMPY spot....not a freakin sink hole.....screwing around on your spouse is not a bumpy spot...0 -
I have long thought for most people, marrying before age 30 was ill advised. Nothing has caused me to change that opinion. 0 -
Why the age cutoff at 30? I've know 30 year olds that didn't have a clue what was going on? 0 -
Each individual is different. Some people shouldn't get married. Nobody should get married before they are grown. On average it takes longer for each generation to grow up then the generation before. Some people grow up in their early teens, mostly because they have to. Some people never grow up. 0 -
At my age, I can't even remember who I was [:(] 0 -
I agree with what a lot of peoplea are saying. As a 19 year-old with a serious girlfriend, (possibly soon to be fiance) I completely agree that it takes work and commitment to make it work.
The personal responsibility is gone in a lot of relationships. I've seen it through high school, college, and in the community. It doesn't matter what age people are; there's no magic age at which people should marry. I've seen 18 year-olds get married and it lasts, then 35 year-olds and they're separated within 3 years. It all depends on the individuals.0 -
Select-fire it is arbitrary. If you say until grown, the lister at 18 will assume that THEY are grown. Some may be ready before that, some later, some never, but it is a reasonable age for most to be mature enough. Statistically, first marriages are the most stable, even higher rates of second, third, fourth and so on marriages fail than first marriages. I believe currently 50% of first marriages fail. Ya gotta ask: What is the hurry to get married? 0 -
27 is probably a little extreme. I would say 20 at the eariliest. But along with that goes no living together, having children before marriage, and probably dating a minumum of two years, also one of you at the least have a good job. Most divorces probably revolve around one of those issues. I think another big culprit is people think that everyday is going to be a fairy tale, that puppy love does wear off, not everyday is going to be great, some days will be boring, etc. Then the grass starts looking greener on the other side, then its time to water your own. Both people need to continually reinvent the relationship to make it better, try new things etc. You follow all of those steps chances of a divorce are probably slimmer minus somebody cheating or something 0 -
Reminds me of;
A son asked his father, "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son. I'm still paying for it."[:D]0 -
How true that was for me too spurgemaster.
This may sound funny to the real young guys (I'm only 31 so I guess I'm still young too), but sex and looks are so much less important when you get older, than finding the person that is truely your partner in life. Loves you for who you are and vice versa, and supports you. Someone that shares your same intrests and that you can just sit and talk to about anything......a best friend if you will. Sure you need to be physically attracted to the person, but looks and sex alone just won't cut it in the long run. If you truely have a "partner", then she will look beautiful to you and the sex will be great.[;)]
Ben0 -
quote:Originally posted by jbw1776
How true that was for me too spurgemaster.
This may sound funny to the real young guys (I'm only 31 so I guess I'm still young too), but sex and looks are so much less important when you get older, than finding the person that is truely your partner in life. Loves you for who you are and vice versa, and supports you. Someone that shares your same intrests and that you can just sit and talk to about anything......a best friend if you will. Sure you need to be physically attracted to the person, but looks and sex alone just won't cut it in the long run. If you truely have a "partner", then she will look beautiful to you and the sex will be great.[;)]
Ben
Until you get married. Far better to just live together & never get married.0 -
Then you run into a court battle of people saying who bought what. When those break up there seems to be more bad blood then a divorce at times. Looks and sex isnt everything, but if you arent having good sex, 9 out of 10 ten times you wont be happy, wont stay faithful, or wont stay married, I would probably estimate sex to be about 30-40% of a relationship 0 -
quote:Originally posted by nards444
Then you run into a court battle of people saying who bought what. When those break up there seems to be more bad blood then a divorce at times. Looks and sex isnt everything, but if you arent having good sex, 9 out of 10 ten times you wont be happy, wont stay faithful, or wont stay married, I would probably estimate sex to be about 30-40% of a relationship
Then you are marrying for the wrong reasons. Thats what I'm talking about (been there done that). If you base half of the relationship on looks and sex what are you gonna do when they ain't there anymore? Your wife may look like Britney Spears did a few years ago now, but spit out a couple kids and by 35-45 I promise you she won't look like that. So there goes the looks. Yeah, at 20 you could have sex 10X a day if you could, you think you'll be up to that task at 65, with a 60ish yr. old wife, that, by the way, doesn't look like a 20yr old Britney anymore? And unless you are Trump, there ain't gonna be many 20yr olds checking you out. My dads on his 3rd. marrige and is 65 and has FINALLY figured out what it's all about.
Too much short sightedness in todays thinking. Yeah, sex and looks are important right now, but that ain't what it's all about in the long haul.
Ben0
Please sign in to leave a comment.
Comments
37 comments