How much do you pay for daycare
We just started putting our new son into daycare. Our daycare costs now for 2 kids is @$1800/month - more than our mortgage[V]. Are your daycare costs as high as this? I had wanted a new AR[:)], but that won't be happening anytime soon. Dang, 1 month's daycare would buy it too. [xx(]
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My wife does it for free [:)] but our three boys get the best of her come the end of the day. 0 -
quote:
I have to agree. We make sacrifices so that my wife can raise our daughter.
I think it is a generational difference. My parents were the very first of the baby boomers (actually my father, born in '42, predates the boomers). That generation was either stay-at-home or the kids were latch-key kids like me. My grandparents were 100% a mom-stays-at-home family.
Yes, perhaps some of it is selfishness. I like my lifestyle. But I think that this trickles down to the children in a positive way. Even if I had access to family-care, we'd keep the kids in daycare. If the daycare was bad or if I did not think my kids were getting something out of it, we would take them out and make due without the second income.0 -
Paul,
You are a considerate and thoughtful poster, and I do appreciate you opinions.
However, you are also missing consideration of one reality of many women that I thought was dispelled after the publication of "The Feminine Mystique," that being that although many women derive great pleasure from and define themselves by their devotion to their home and family, many have an education and a desire to use it in the workforce, for both personal fulfillment and to maintain some degree of financial independence from their partner.
Gone are the days when women merely went to college to come home with a upwardly mobile husband-on-the-hoof, who would care for them and provide for them all the days of their lives.
Also, the reality for many women is that when you give up your contribution to the household income, you are held in deference to your partner, and as you have no contribution, your opinions regarding household issues is somehow held in less or no regard, notwithstanding that the meals are made, the house is clean, the clothes are washed, the children cared for, etc...
And (heaven forbid, however is does occur in 50% of marriages), a woman finds herself years down the road trying to crack back into the workforce, with some eduation but no experience, and having to make due and raise a family with what income she can garner from entry-level jobs.
I know that this is not always the case, but it does happen, more than I suspect you know.0 -
$95.00 a week in the summer and $65.00 a week during school. Thats for 1 child. Additional child is $30.00. 0 -
With my three...I was single when my oldest was 4 months old (who is now 15)...I had to try daycare. When she was a baby my family took car of her, but by the age of 2 to 4 I wanted to take her to a daycare so it wouldn't be so much on my mother. I went through 4 before I could leave her and not worry myself sick about it.
The first (La Petite) was near work so I could stop in and see her. I came by during the day and there was a child about 2 yrs old standing on a table and the fat, good for nothing, girl that worked there was YELLING at the top of her voice and sitting on her giant rear end.....there was another girl there sitting on her rear as well but she was busy visiting with her tatoo covered boyfriend.
GO VISIT THESE PLACES DURING THE DAY UNEXPECTEDLY!!!!!!
The second...was a nice lady who had a crew of people working for her in what was a house but now was fully devoted to the daycare. The babies were kept by someone inside and every other age was herded in and out for snack and play. She was OK...but dead tired and filthy from trying to run and keep up with the bigger kids. She was a limp noodle by the time I got her in her carseat.
The third was my chosen favorite and would be the last until she was old enough for school. The lady lived in her home and had part of it devoted to the daycare. She only had about 20 kids and they were all the age of my daughter. The large yard was nice and had a few playground things in it and all of the kids were watched by two ladies together all day. She was more "GRANDMOTHER" like than any of the others and I felt very good leaving her there.
My two younger kids...we decided I would stay at home with them and take care of them and the house. Boy!!! am I bad at staying home and doing housework! We got through it....but it was interresting.0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Paul,
You are a considerate and thoughtful poster, and I do appreciate you opinions.
However, you are also missing consideration of one reality of many women that I thought was dispelled after the publication of "The Feminine Mystique," that being that although many women derive great pleasure from and define themselves by their devotion to their home and family, many have an education and a desire to use it in the workforce, for both personal fulfillment and to maintain some degree of financial independence from their partner.
Gone are the days when women merely went to college to come home with a upwardly mobile husband-on-the-hoof, who would care for them and provide for them all the days of their lives.
Also, the reality for many women is that when you give up your contribution to the household income, you are held in deference to your partner, and as you have no contribution, your opinions regarding household issues is somehow held in less or no regard, notwithstanding that the meals are made, the house is clean, the clothes are washed, the children cared for, etc...
And (heaven forbid, however is does occur in 50% of marriages), a woman finds herself years down the road trying to crack back into the workforce, with some eduation but no experience, and having to make due and raise a family with what income she can garner from entry-level jobs.
I know that this is not always the case, but it does happen, more than I suspect you know.
I appreciate the compliment. It means alot-especially from those whom I respect. I also caught the Feminine Mystique slam-good one and deserved; with that though, I am an avowed, unapologetic chauvinist. After 18 years, I am absolutely devoted to my wife. She is the driving force in my life to provide for her and our children. There is no greater calling for me.
Those men who put a homemaker's contribution below their own need an a s s kicking. One I would happily provide. And by saying 'and as you have no contribution' you foster that attitude yourself. I would tell my wife that if I stop working, the plant still runs. If she doesn't, it has a far greater impact. Not just in our home either, it impacts society as a whole. As far as household decisions,to what do you refer? Give me an example. I ask because there are some responsibilities a proper husband has that he may not refer to his wife's opinion on. There are a few between my wife and I. The shoe goes on the other foot though too.
I respect greatly those women who want to go out and have a career. More power to them. But a choice, when the time comes, needs to be made whether it is more important than the welfare and upbringing of the children.0 -
"Some people look at daycare as a choice people make because they are greedy. I think children get a much better social upbringing when they are in daycare - same as with public school (as apposed to private school or homeschooling)."
I don't agree with you - I think you are rationalizing.
As my SIX Kids were growing, one of us was always at home for them, all the way through high school. Based on the joy we got from our Children, and how they have turned out, I have to say that no REAL sacrifices were made.
As far as the problem of single parents... well, get this folks - there don't need to be any single parents. That situation is a choice, and you're welcome to it.
Doug0 -
quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
As far as the problem of single parents... well, get this folks - there don't need to be any single parents. That situation is a choice, and you're welcome to it.
Doug
So if one parent dies that's a choice to be a single parent? Or if one parent is physically abused and needs to leave? How about if one of the parents get addicted to drugs/alcohol during the marriage.. or infidelity? Come on there are some VERY valid reasons to be a single parent. And if the parent takes the time those children can end up just as good, or even better, than 2 parents who don't care.
I was a single parent. Due to abuse that started after the marriage and birth of my daughter I chose to leave. Are you saying it is better to stay in an unhappy or unsafe marriage just to not be a single parent? I would much rather my kids see me in a happy marriage, or happily single for that matter.
As far as better in day care or better at home... I see kids that are good and bad from both situations. It's not what happens outside of the home it is what they are taught within the home. Whether that is in 1/2 hour a night quality time or all day does not matter so long as they get it.0 -
Paul,
And by saying 'as you have no contribution' you foster that attitude yourself.
I should have written 'and as if you have no contribution'.
I was on my own before I married and had children. I then put my career ambitions on the back burner to raise a family, and I felt a great deal of resentment at being put in a position to 'ask' for, anything monitary above and beyond what was alotted to me beyond the meager earnings from my own job, to run the household, while my ex, as primary breadwinner, felt it his entitlement to spend as he wished, without asking or consulting. I found the whole experience infantilizing and demeaning. But then, I was not raised that way. My mother worked outside the home, as did her mother, a rarity for her generation.
Don,
You are right, being a single parent is a choice. I chose to end a relationship with a person who treated me like garbage.
I stuck with it 11 years. I wonder how long you would have.0 -
I trade 'em off, pretty regularly.
The reason that single-parenthood is a choice, is because people don't know their mates, when they marry.
As far as I'm concerned, the only reason for it is death of the spouse.
Doug0 -
Sounds about right. I think it's cheaper to hire a live-in nanny until they go to school. My ex works at a pre-school -- that's about an average price paid per child there, and they also take kids from low-income families for whom the state foots the bill. I mean the taxpayers. (This one btw, I am not against, I mean my taxes going to pay for those, if not for taxes I'd donate to the organization that owns the school a little more). 0 -
That's a cool way to get the best of both worlds - your child is cared for by a parent, and your wife has an income generating career.
VERY good thinking.
Doug0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
I was on my own before I married and had children. I then put my career ambitions on the back burner to raise a family, and I felt a great deal of resentment at being put in a position to 'ask' for, anything monitary above and beyond what was alotted to me beyond the meager earnings from my own job, to run the household, while my ex, as primary breadwinner, felt it his entitlement to spend as he wished, without asking or consulting. I found the whole experience infantilizing and demeaning. But then, I was not raised that way. My mother worked outside the home, as did her mother, a rarity for her generation.
I can understand where you get your opinions. However, to group all husbands who ask their wives to raise the children into that category is not fair. I know many men who treat their wifes with the utmost respect and defer to them concerning matters of the household.0 -
440.00 A month for a Mom who goes to our Church to watch our son here in Mississippi 0 -
quote:Originally posted by HandgunHTR52
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
I was on my own before I married and had children. I then put my career ambitions on the back burner to raise a family, and I felt a great deal of resentment at being put in a position to 'ask' for, anything monitary above and beyond what was alotted to me beyond the meager earnings from my own job, to run the household, while my ex, as primary breadwinner, felt it his entitlement to spend as he wished, without asking or consulting. I found the whole experience infantilizing and demeaning. But then, I was not raised that way. My mother worked outside the home, as did her mother, a rarity for her generation.
I can understand where you get your opinions. However, to group all husbands who ask their wives to raise the children into that category is not fair. I know many men who treat their wifes with the utmost respect and defer to them concerning matters of the household.
I was not "lumping." I know there are many men who love their wives as themselves, and treat them likewise. I was asked by
Paul to generate an example from my own experience.
Perhaps this arrangement works for some women, but for me, it did not. I'm not condemning it, but I have no intention to ever be placed in such a situation again, and I am raising my own daughter to rely on herself and not expect the 'knight in shining armour' to sweep her off her feet, and shutter her in an ivory tower, and take care of all her needs as he sees fit. I'm not raising her to hate men, or to look distrustfully on them, but to raise a daughter with the expectation that such things as expecting a man to provide all of and be totally responsible for your financial, emotional, and intellectual fulfillment are true and fact is a very heavy burden to put on any man.
If she happens to meet Sir Lancelot, fine, I wish them all the happiness in the world.
But chances are slim to none.0 -
quote:Originally posted by jwb267
you are being ripped off
sounds about right, gals around here most make $8 bucks an hr. and have between 3-5 Kids all day and they even have a few that they watch for just a few hrs still 8 bucks an hour its an all cash buisness. they don't pay taxes. Day care people are living the fat life. one lady told the wife 15 bucks an hr. she told her to hang it in her HEAR HOLE.
if you can afford it, come the end of the yr. you can right it all off0 -
$35.00 per week with breakfast and lunch furnished. 0 -
Never used it. No offense, but we felt like it was our job to raise our children, not that of some minimum wage employee.
Back in 1984, I figured that wifey would have to make $21G a year, just to BREAK EVEN. She was worth more than that to me at home.0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Paul,
And by saying 'as you have no contribution' you foster that attitude yourself.
I should have written 'and as if you have no contribution'.
I was on my own before I married and had children. I then put my career ambitions on the back burner to raise a family, and I felt a great deal of resentment at being put in a position to 'ask' for, anything monitary above and beyond what was alotted to me beyond the meager earnings from my own job, to run the household, while my ex, as primary breadwinner, felt it his entitlement to spend as he wished, without asking or consulting. I found the whole experience infantilizing and demeaning. But then, I was not raised that way. My mother worked outside the home, as did her mother, a rarity for her generation.
That was the wrong way to go about it-that is his fault. As the primary breadwinner I make the major financial decisions in the home. For example-retirement, long term savings, vehicle purchases, refinancing, etc. That is not to say that we don't talk about it, but the ultimate responsibility is mine and mine alone. I bear the burden for screwing it up, so it has to be that way. I alloted (at the time, my wife currently works part time)a certain amount to my wife to spend as she pleased. This with the caveat that it was not to be spent on household items, etc.
By teaching your daughter not to depend on a spouse, I think, you do foster a certain degree of distrust of men. Just my opinion. My mother raised my brother and I -alone- and I see the same in her. Not just distrust, but near contempt toward men-myself (and myself exclusively) discluded.
Understand-what works for us does not work for everyone (although it should) I am very much the exception to the rule, apparently,as is my marriage. I do expect to fulfill all of my wife's needs financially, intellectually, and emotionally. If I don't,someone else will. I do not see it as a very heavy burden at all. Perhaps it is this outlook that promotes the attitude. If a woman doesn't expect it, a man may not feel obligated to provide it. If a mother teaches her son not to expect to provide it, he doesn't feel he is obligated to either. For one reason or another, I learned early on, from the bad examples rather than good ones, how I expected my household to be. I saw the way women in my family were treated (not abused, mind you, but not adored as they should have been)and vowed I would be different than my grandfather and my mother's 4 husbands (my father included) I married very young (20) and had a very real expectation of what I wanted my marriage to be like. God blessed me with a spouse that mirrored those expectations. I have taught my daughter, by wrote and by example, not to expect-or accept-any less from her spouse.0 -
My wifes great grandma watchs out kids for $50 a week. My wifes cousin hires a live in nanny for $150 a week plus room and board. 0 -
quote:Ah, yes, however, some of us have their hands played for them, and were not given a choice.
You always have a choice. Sometimes we make good choices; other times we make bad choices, like making a poor choice of mate. A man with no smarts, no education, no prospects for making any money, self-centered, a drunk, etc, is probably not a good choice as a father for one's children.
I read about a species of bird, can't remember the species, but its mating ritual was interesting. The male bird had to build the nest, under the supervision of the female, his intended mate. The nest had to be just so, or she would move on to a male who could provide a proper home for her children. Seems some birds have more sense than some human females. With a lot of women, all it has to have is a pulse. Then, a few years and a few kids later, when life falls to staves, they wonder how this could "happen." It didn't happen, baby. You engineered it from the beginning.
I don't like institutionalized daycare, and never used it. I worked extra hours and extra jobs, and drove a 15 year old pickup to get it done, but the kids were more important than driving new vehicles or having a boat or a vacation home.
If you can't afford to raise a child, you shouldn't have a child. There is no reason, in 2007 USA, for anyone who doesn't want to become pregnant to become pregnant. That's not something that just "happens," either.0 -
Bingo! 0 -
Slipgate,
My wife used to do certified state child care in our home. She is now the director of our county agency that heads up Child Care Resources & Referral. I asked her your question, and she said it sounds high, but here in NY State it would depend on how many children you are paying to have watched. A certified daycare provider is not a "Baby Sitter" service, and they are not allowed to watch but a certain amount of children. A child under 18 months can cost on average $135 a week, while a preschooler can average around $125 a week. To keep up their certifications the providers must take constant courses that they have to attend after hours, and on weekends. They must also keep really good records on every child they watch, and their homes are open to surprise inspections at a moments notice. In NY State you can watch no more then two non-related children before you have to become certified. You can watch as many of your relative's children as you need to. If you are reported or caught watching more than two non-related children you can be fined up to $200 a day until you cease doing so.
Trinity +++0 -
quote:Originally posted by nunn
quote:Ah, yes, however, some of us have their hands played for them, and were not given a choice.
You always have a choice. Sometimes we make good choices; other times we make bad choices, like making a poor choice of mate. A man with no smarts, no education, no prospects for making any money, self-centered, a drunk, etc, is probably not a good choice as a father for one's children.
I read about a species of bird, can't remember the species, but its mating ritual was interesting. The male bird had to build the nest, under the supervision of the female, his intended mate. The nest had to be just so, or she would move on to a male who could provide a proper home for her children. Seems some birds have more sense than some human females. With a lot of women, all it has to have is a pulse. Then, a few years and a few kids later, when life falls to staves, they wonder how this could "happen." It didn't happen, baby. You engineered it from the beginning.
I don't like institutionalized daycare, and never used it. I worked extra hours and extra jobs, and drove a 15 year old pickup to get it done, but the kids were more important than driving new vehicles or having a boat or a vacation home.
If you can't afford to raise a child, you shouldn't have a child. There is no reason, in 2007 USA, for anyone who doesn't want to become pregnant to become pregnant. That's not something that just "happens," either.
True, I did make my own choices regarding marrying the schmuck. I was raised in a generation and with a religious upbringing that told me 'til death do you part."
I was young and stupid, he was my high school sweetheart, my first love, my first and only sexual partner til our divorce. I did everything the way I was supposed to, marriage before children, be a devoted and supportive spouse, and got repaid with serial infidelity and lies. How I might have "engineered" this is a mystery, with the exception of the acknowlegement that if you allow yourself to be treated like a doormat a little bit, that is how you will continue to be treated.
But such is life, we learn from our mistakes.
Getting back to the issue of day care, I am not a big fan of institutionalized day care either, at least not until the age of 2 or three. I visited a few when my daughter was a baby, but I could not get past the vision of rows of babies in high chairs waiting to be fed, like an assembly line.
The need is huge, though. Many states are implementing universal pre-kindergarten for 3-4 year olds in their school systems, because the demand is so great.0
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