Has your 15 year old daughter lied to you today?
The short version....
Daughter wanted to spend the night with a friend. No problem. Parent at other house will be home. Friend has to work at 9.00 am. Hmm...girls will not be up all night...yep...sounds good.
I just had this "feeling" since they left at 10.20 pm....
So..at midnight, I drove over to friends house...only ONE light on. No TV, no porch light, and the other parent's vehicle is not there. HMMM.
I called my wife, requesting her to start calling cell phones. NOBODY ANSWERS! I am standing on the front porch at the other house. Finally, our daughter calls her mom back. Mom advises that I am on the front porch...daughter tells her she will meet me in a second at the front porch.
5 minutes go by...10 minutes go by....nope...nobody home.
I called my wife again, requesting her to start calling cell phones again.
Finally, at 1.00 am, daughter arrives at our house. Our oldest daughter (19), found them, and arranged for extra drivers to get both girls home. Other girl had been drinking.
Our daughter advised she did not know the other girl was drinking.
Let's see...I believe we lost count at 20 lies in a span of 3.5 hours.
Teenagers...ARGH!!!
My vote....she will not be going ANYWHERE for 6 months. No phone, no internet, no...no...no...don't even ask.
Daughter wanted to spend the night with a friend. No problem. Parent at other house will be home. Friend has to work at 9.00 am. Hmm...girls will not be up all night...yep...sounds good.
I just had this "feeling" since they left at 10.20 pm....
So..at midnight, I drove over to friends house...only ONE light on. No TV, no porch light, and the other parent's vehicle is not there. HMMM.
I called my wife, requesting her to start calling cell phones. NOBODY ANSWERS! I am standing on the front porch at the other house. Finally, our daughter calls her mom back. Mom advises that I am on the front porch...daughter tells her she will meet me in a second at the front porch.
5 minutes go by...10 minutes go by....nope...nobody home.
I called my wife again, requesting her to start calling cell phones again.
Finally, at 1.00 am, daughter arrives at our house. Our oldest daughter (19), found them, and arranged for extra drivers to get both girls home. Other girl had been drinking.
Our daughter advised she did not know the other girl was drinking.
Let's see...I believe we lost count at 20 lies in a span of 3.5 hours.
Teenagers...ARGH!!!
My vote....she will not be going ANYWHERE for 6 months. No phone, no internet, no...no...no...don't even ask.
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come on dont be so hard on her. 0 -
Mines not at the teenage age yet (still a little one) but I'm gonna have to agree with your parenting on this one.
By the way, Bravo on being a REAL parent and checking up on her.[^] Teenagers will screw up, most all of us did, but it's the ones with parents that don't care enough to KNOW what their child is doing that make the permanent screw-ups.
Good luck![:D]
Ben0 -
drinking in high school is lame, drinking in college is norm. By those standards I am not a hypocrit. 0 -
I used to tell my parents I was staying at Doug's house. My friend also told his parents he was staying at Doug's house. Doug existed, but my parents didn't know his parents' number. Then me and my friend would hang out all night in MPLS/St. Paul. We were too young to drive. We might walk 12 miles in a night getting from amusement to amusement.
We didn't do drugs, we didn't drink. About the worst trouble we ever got into was when we lit a "Screaming Eagle" firework in a park in a quiet neighborhood. OK I know this is almost unbelievably dumb, but we didn't realize it was going to be such a noisemaker. We wound up hiding among the playground equipment while the cops were looking for us. Then the cops went away and we continued with our evening's amusement. We didn't think the rest of our fireworks stash was such a good idea anymore that evening.
Not surprisingly, I finally did get busted at this game. I think my mother started to wonder why I would come home and sleep all day every time I stayed at Doug's house. I was home sleeping the all-nighter off and she went through my backpack and came up with.....A CONTAINER OF PILLS! She woke me and confronted me. I was too sleepy to come up with a good lie so I 'fessed up to what was going on when we "stayed over at Doug's." I had to get her to actually taste one of the pills before she believed that they were the uncoated aspirin I claimed they were.
Kids do dumb stuff. I'm glad I got caught because it let me know where my mother was coming from. Good on you for checking on your daughter.
Six months grounding sounds a little harsh to me but she's not my kid.
The only time I ever got hit as a teenager was for lying. Damn! My dad can wield a belt!0 -
Naw, a teenage girl wouldn't lie to her parents about drinking. No way.
Neither would she lie about having sex with the boys.0 -
You know how to tell if a teenager is lying? Look to see if their lips are moving. 0 -
While I think that your six months is an exageration, one month would of home "confinement" would be resonable. I have two girs of my own and the one thing I would not tolerate from them is lying. I want the truth, no matter what or how bad it may be. My youngest girl was/is very shy, was never socially active and pefered to stay close to home while my oldest daughter was ready to take on the world by about age 13! While Christine (the oldest) had dozens of freinds from school, most of her social circle was made up of her girls soccer team. This made things easy because all of the parents from the team knew each other and information was freely exchanged. Parties, dinners, sleep-overs were the norm and we had to host a number of these events and respond the phone calls in the middle of the night from concerned parents who wanted to be sure that their little Jannie was actually here! My rules for sleep-overs with my daughter was that she could not stay overnight in the home of ANYONE who's parents her mother or I had not meet personally. She was not allowed to stay out beyond 10PM with the host family unless her mother and I were made aware of the evenings program (dinner and movie or some other type of activity) and if I telephoned the house of the host family (not their cell) after 10PM my daughter had a maximum of five minutes to get to that telephone and converse with me. Any violation of those rules meant that she would not be able to participate in her next two soccer matches. League championship next week? Not my problem, she would not be playing. Coach says he'll boot her off the team if she does not play? Tough, she should have thought about that ahead of time. The net result was that there was never a single problem. Dating on the other hand was a whole other issue...[:(!] 0 -
Six months of zero social life seems just a little bit much. Your kid, your call.
Think carefully about the consequences you impose and then stick with them.0 -
You do what you think is right.All my kids no {4} that if they screw up the world falls apart around them.Then the hammer comes down.
I am not there friend or buddy .I am there father0 -
As a former h**l raiser I think 1 month of harsh punishment is enough. HOWEVER, IF she does it again I would not hesitate to use the 6 month punishment. She WILL hate you but she will get over it. 0 -
After the first month, give them a going out question good for 2 days of freedom.My middle girl {Emily} had to learn the Marine Hymn.She had 24 hrs to get it right,it took a couple of tries,but she got it right and had 2 days of freedom. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by 0341USMC
After the first month, give them a going out question good for 2 days of freedom.My middle girl {Emily} had to learn the Marine Hymn.She had 24 hrs to get it right,it took a couple of tries,but she got it right and had 2 days of freedom.
Only a jarhead... J/K, don't hunt me down and kill me please...0 -
Thanks for being a good dad. A transgression like that here would be at least three months, and six sounds ok to me. 0 -
quote:... six sounds ok to me.
*sigh* I say again that it is the call of the parent, but you have to consider what percentage of life six months is to a teenager.
To a sixteen year old that's 3% of their life.0 -
While I agree with Henry - Your kid, your call - you are the only one that knows your daughter and her history of obedience. All my kids are grown now and are good human beings. However, they all, at one time or another, screwed up - some worse than others.
when my wife and i married, we decided to have our kids when we were young. One of the reasons was because my wife wanted me to be young enough to remember what i did as a youngster. (you see - i was a rowdy one to say the least). My parents were/are both saints, but would always push the right button to make sure i remembered the punishment, and thus act as a deterrent to a repeat of the act or other acts that I knew were not suitable.
You and your wife know your daughter better than anyone - decide together what her punishment should be. Tell her why. Enforce, then remind her that punishment gets harder if the first was unsuccessful. Remember you were a kid once. Good luck - glad to see concerned parents....0 -
I agree 6 months is like 5 years to a 16 year old. 1 month is like a year to them and will be effective as long as you stick to it. I also like 0341usmc's deal about 2 days freedom or early release i called it back then. We got a day or two early release sometimes OR we would be let loose to take mom's car to pay the light bill or go get lil brother some cough medicine and that was our 45 minutes of freedom. Of course i always stopped by edwards and smoked a lil ---- and borrowed a ciggarette.[}:)][}:)][}:)] 0 -
This would be reason #3836 why my wife and I don't want kids.
Parents, particularly parents of girls, are masochists. [:D] But I admire anyone who can do it and remain sane after 21 years.0 -
Give me a photo of her and if i ever see her running around in the middle of night, I will know where to send her.
Did have some kids egg my sisters car the other night
probably wasn't her though.[;)]0 -
Well, remember yourself. Do not tell me that you never snuck out of the house when you were her age to party and to have some fun with opposite gender. It is normal for kids that age to rebel against authority. So, she lied to get out and hang out. Do not tell me that you are surprised and didn't know that kids do that kind of thing.
Remember yourself at her age. Do not be too hard on her. She is rebelling probably. There might be a reason for her defiance.0 -
quote:Originally posted by spanielsells
This would be reason #3836 why my wife and I don't want kids.
Parents, particularly parents of girls, are masochists. [:D] But I admire anyone who can do it and remain sane after 21 years.
My wife and I had the exact same list for nearly ten years. Things change. I adore my daughter and cherish every moment I can spend with her, knowing that no matter how good of parents my wife and I strive to be, there area going to be times when our little angel will test the fences. And when she reaches puberty, I'm simply going to shoot myself in the head with the largest caliber handgun I own.0 -
Pff...you guys are all babying your kids, once my dad told me that he wished he would of slautered pigs because at least he cold slauter them. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by dcloco
Teenagers...ARGH!!!
My vote....she will not be going ANYWHERE for 6 months. No phone, no internet, no...no...no...don't even ask.
Let he, who is without sin cast the first stone ...
... I'm just guessing here, but you were never a teenager and never lied to your parents [}:)]
All I'm saying is, let the punishment fit the crime.0 -
I would not set a time period, she would be home until she earned her freedom.
Don0 -
I think your punishment fits the crime.
But, don't forget that YOU are going to have to enforce it.
You will need a method to make sure she doesn't sneak out, use the computer, phone, cell, or TV.
In a six month period, you and your wife will lose more freedom than she does. I'd probably be inclined to make it a couple of weeks, for MY convenience. Also, whatever memory help (punishment) you impose, you MUST stick to it. No early cancellation, no reprieve, no reduction. I also tell them what the next step in escalating the sentence is if they violate the first terms.
So far, I have successfully raised 5 kids. I also spanked them when they were little, and have seen no negative impact from that - only positive results.
Good luck, and let us know what you do.
Doug0 -
I think the birth control pill would be a good idea here. 0 -
Sometimes, as in your case, retroactively.
D.0 -
Always leave room for escalation!!!! 0 -
at that age everything changes every six months, clothes,music,taste, but as a parent i do not make any threats i will not uphold, or regret myself, in your case i would be flipped a bit myself, and the punishment would be close if not equal, and they could kiss that friend goodbye, and myself did not allow mu oldest who is going to be 19 soon to spend the night at anyone house at that age, from about 14 till he was 18, to much trouble waiting to happen 0 -
Sometimes, as in your case, retroactively.
D.
[:)]0 -
Thank you.
D.0
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