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Maybe I'm wrong, but.....

dheffley
Maybe I'm wrong, but, I had a weekend motorcyle trip with some friends scheduled this weekend. Sandy said she couldn't ride that much, but wanted me to go ahead.

I made arrangements with Josh to stay home with his mother this weekend so I could go, and he agreed. I made hotel reservations (that I will be charged for unless they fill the hotel and have to use the room, won't happen) and got the bike ready this week as well as my stuff packed.

Last night, Josh informs me that he won't be home for the weekend because his girlfriend wants to go somewhere for the weekend. I find this out at 9:30 last night!

After some heated words and him telling me that no matter what, he's not going to be home, I call my friends and the hotel to cancel.

This morning, Sandy asked me why I wasn't going. I told her I changed my mind. I knew she would insist I go on and do the ride, but I would worry the whole time and be affraid she would fall or not be able to get enough to eat. I just couldn't do it, and if I had been given a little more notice, I could have made other arrangements through her brother or my sister. Like it was, I wouldn't try to dump this on them at 9:30 Friday night.

Now, maybe I'm wrong, but this isn't the first time he's bailed on a commentment to help me out with his mom, and now I just have no faith in him. I'm thinking very seriously about asking him to move out and get his own place, and I'll hire someone to come in through the week to sit with Sandy.

It's 1 o'clock Saturday afternoon here, and I'm still fuming! I just can't seem to let it go, and I'm not going to tell Sandy what happened. He's 32 and still can't man up to honor a commitment! I'm tired of providing for him on a oneway street. I think he'll grow up better on his own.

Am I wrong?

PS, I even feel guilty about not telling her the truth, but I don't want her to think she's a burden or to think badly about Josh. I'm torn!
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Comments

55 comments

Date Votes
  • tomahawk
    sit him down and tell him reality with no punches pulled. tell him you want reimbursed for the dental work. and care for his mother is not to be paid for. he owes you and her that much,especially if living there. cut the apron strings and tell him to grow up. git down or git.[;)][:(!]
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  • dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by spasmcreek
    32 & teeth are gone????? meth ????

    No, he lost a lot of teeth in a motorcycle accident. Because he didn't have insurance to do the implants, he lost bone, and now they have to do bone graphs. He wouldn't take the money before, but now he has no choice. It's now or never.
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  • dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by tomahawk
    tell him you want reimbursed for the dental work.

    I won't do that because I agreed to pay for it before, and I'm not going back on my promise.
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  • tomahawk
    dam ..your easy
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  • dongizmo
    quote:Originally posted by dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by tomahawk
    tell him you want reimbursed for the dental work.

    I won't do that because I agreed to pay for it before, and I'm not going back on my promise.

    But he can't do without tail for a weekend to keep his promise?[?]
    (And get paid to help his mother!)
    Danny, your a good guy, I have a ton of respect for you, but this kid is walking all over you, give him the boot, & hire a pretty senorita to help Sandy.
    Don
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  • phillip
    If you love someone,Set them free.If they come back,Lock the door and pretend your not home[:o)][:o)]



    Just trying to cheer you up.I would be pissed to.
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  • pickenup
    Failed? NO WAY.

    You taught him right from wrong.
    That is ALL you can do.

    He CHOOSES to be the way he is.
    You have to make some choices too.
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  • Highball
    This thread..the reason behind it..has made me so absolutely furious as to want to kick somebodies az.

    Danny has a heart of gold...as few people do...and over the years, I have witnessed so many times people taking such horrible advantage of them.
    Danny, old friend...I bleed for you. There IS no 'good way out', here.

    You know what you MUST do...and you do it with the Blessings of the Lord. HE knows Right from Wrong..and we here will support you.
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  • Locust Fork
    dheffley...you are a sweeeet guy. That is going to be your downfall in this if you let it. The only suggestion I have at all in this is that you do it like you would if you were firing an employee. Quick, and to the point....with no lingering drama. Make certain he has somewhere to go...like a friend's house. Tell him he has to go there and give him his "severance pay" to get him on his way. I'm not meaning to upset you at all with my oppinion.

    If you tell him something like "you have to be out in one month." He may get some kind of idea in his head that he deserves what he thinks is coming to him.....he just may take some items he hasn't been given....(I am thinking the very worst here on purpose, so maybe any ideas of what COULD happen will come to mind.)

    You KNOW he will be upset. It could last a very long time....even years before he realizes that he should have gotten out on his own sooner. Please don't take any of what he might say to heart if he is the type to throw a fit.

    Paying his way is NOT helping him. Getting him through hard times is generous.....but if he can't learn to stay out of these situations he never will have anything or amount to much. If he were to be given all you own right now......this very minute....how long would it last before he depletes it all?

    My parents helped me a great deal in my mid 20's and I cannot tell you just when the major "help" stopped....but I know that I can count on them if I ever need them. I just don't see there being a need for them to take care of me again. If anything I think the tables have turned a bit for us....where I find I am doing things like taking my mother's car in for repair and letting her drive mine (because she will NEVER take care of these things.)
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  • reloader44mag
    Does he wear baggie pants and wear his cap sideways? Just wondering
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  • elkoholic
    Time to cut the cord.
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  • dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
    Does he wear baggie pants and wear his cap sideways? Just wondering


    No, do you?
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  • reloader44mag
    quote:Originally posted by dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
    Does he wear baggie pants and wear his cap sideways? Just wondering


    No, do you?
    Nope, Ive just read on here that kids that dress like that tend to be problems........or so the say. Is this the same one that ate your steak a couple weeks ago?........
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  • dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
    quote:Originally posted by dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
    Does he wear baggie pants and wear his cap sideways? Just wondering


    No, do you?
    Nope, Ive just read on here that kids that dress like that tend to be problems........or so the say. Is this the same one that ate your steak a couple weeks ago?........


    The same, and if he wore baggy pants and a sideways cap, I'd slap it off of him. He's not a thug, he's lazy. I would trust him with my life, but not to follow through on something like agreeing to cover for the weekend.

    Good man with a good heart. Doesn't do drugs, but hangs with a bunch of bums and it's rubbing off. Would rather chase tail than stay with his mother for the weekend. I'd expect that out of a sixteen year old, not one twice that age.

    I will follow through with the dental stuff because it has to be done, or he won't have any teeth at 40. After that, I'm asking telling him to get out on his own.

    I love him from the bottom of my heart. I hate how he's acting.
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  • reloader44mag
    Do whats in your heart, Only you and your wife, know the situation, and will "feel" what the right thing is to do.... Good luck........... But I do know what I'd do if he eats another steak...You know he may want to test those new teeth out..[;)]
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  • dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
    Do whats in your heart, Only you and your wife, know the situation, and will "feel" what the right thing is to do.... Good luck........... But I do know what I'd do if he eats another steak...You know he may want to test those new teeth out..[;)]


    You should have seen his face when I made him go down and spend his own money to replace them. He knew what he did, and he thought by feeding Sandy one of them that he and his buddy were going to get away scott free.

    I wouldn't have had a complaint if he and Sandy wanted to eat thiers for lunch, but to feed mine to his bum buddy pissed me off.
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  • Warpig883
    I would kick him out and I would not pay for the teeth.
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  • dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by Warpig883
    I would kick him out and I would not pay for the teeth.


    I won't go back on a promise, and he HAS to get this work done because the bone is going away in front, and if he waits another year, he won't be able to do implants and won't have enough bone to hold dentures. It's a health thing, and I'm not going to let him end up toothless over money.

    After that, he out!

    And the truth is, I thinks he wants to be out and on his own again.
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  • ace22
    Promise him a new Corvette then explain that "something" came up and you just can't work it out right now.Maybe he'll start to get the drift.
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  • dcon12
    If it was my kid, I would .................., hard to say. I love my kids and let them walk over me. I can handle others better. Do what you have to. Love him and then some. Don
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  • Wrangler
    Danny, I admire your for being a man of your word.

    Sit the boy man down now and establish a timetable for him to be out of the house. Whether it's the day after his dental work is done, or six months after. Be firm and see to it that he is out on the set date. Spell it out to him now, and stick to your guns when the time comes. Good luck.
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  • Warpig883
    quote:Originally posted by dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by Warpig883
    I would kick him out and I would not pay for the teeth.


    I won't go back on a promise, and he HAS to get this work done because the bone is going away in front, and if he waits another year, he won't be able to do implants and won't have enough bone to hold dentures. It's a health thing, and I'm not going to let him end up toothless over money.



    I got to admit I would do the same as you in that case.
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  • jpwolf
    Why is his departure contingent on his dental work? Is there some reason you can't pay for it if he's living somewhere else?

    As far as the steak thing...the psychology of it on his part has a very distinct late teens early twenties mentality. Not good in the maturity development department. If you continue enabling, this will never change. Even if you quit, it may not at this point. I see guys in their late fifties-early sixties, who are dads of guys my age, who still have the responsibility of 18 year olds and use their sons like your son uses you. I guess if nothing else look at it this way...you'd be helping your future grandkids if you help him learn to be a grown-up. I hope the best comes out of this for you. From my years here on GB listening to eveyones constant opinion of you, you sure don't deserve this kind of disrespect. Good luck.
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  • br549
    500 people can give you an opinon and it boiles down to you doing what you think is best for you,and Sandy. it's your decision and no one else.
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  • longhunter
    quote:Originally posted by dheffley
    quote:Originally posted by Mercury
    I don't want to piss you off, but you have "SUCKER" written across your forehead. I would NOT pay him a frickin PENNY to help take care of Sandy! He is just loving this free ride! Sheesh.......you are getting screwed.

    He had to have a job, and I needed someone here with her. I paid him what I would have paid anyone else, plus provided room and board because he was our son.

    SUCKER, maybe, but I'm not going to be a sucker much longer.


    danny......i haven't been aboard for all of this but.....you are paying him...and then some. no one gave me 40,000 for anything,let alone paid me that much for what it seems to me should be a privaledge to do.what would you do if he were an employee?which he is,he is taking advantage friend....mind you i have not read all of this thread......
    mlh
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