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A father was walking past his five yr old daughter who was home sick from school and thought it would be funny to play the old "daddy's gonna eat your fingers bit with her. He took her hand and inserted it into his mouth. His daughter giggled histerically and the father was elated to hear his child laugh so enthusiastically. As the father began to walk away the little girl asked,
"Daddy, wheres my booger"?
When Clinton left office they gave him a 21 gun salute. Its a damn shame they all missed....0 -
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The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West
Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there
are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,........
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!0 -
Passive aggresiveness! i just found this site, its all these passive aggressive notes people leave for each other. Some have bad language, so beware. http://passiveaggressivenotes.wordpress.com/page/11/ 0 -
A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He had been a minister and was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!0 -
A middle-aged woman
Seemed sheepish as she
Visited her gynaecologist.
'Come now,' coaxed the doctor,
'you've been seeing me for years!
There's nothing you can't tell me.'
'This one's kind of strange...'
'Let me be the judge of that,'
The doctor replied.
'Well,' she said, 'yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of cents.'
'I see.'
'That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl.'
'That night,' she went on, 'I went again,
Plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were dollars !
You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!,' she implored,
'I'm scared out of my wits!'
The gynaecologist put a comforting
Hand on her shoulder.
'There, there, it's nothing to be scared about.
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'You're simply going through the change![:D]0 -
I hope this works
"The smallest minority on earth is the individual, Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities" Ayn Rand.
"We cant be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans" President Bill Clinton USA Today March 11 1993 Pg. 2A0 -
That's funny!!![:D] 0 -
Neat video, but act was performed on a really filthy street. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by sarge_3ad
Neat video, but act was performed on a really filthy street.
Most of those type acts are on filthy streets.
This guy was pretty creative though. Worth tossing in a few $$.0
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