My (soon-to-be-ex) wife...
Someone told me today that Audrey is madly scurrying around looking for things to use against me in my divorce action.
She has gone so far as to read my email and copy my GunBroker posts.
It's a shame that a once proud woman will stoop so low.
I learn more about who she really is, every day.
Doug
She has gone so far as to read my email and copy my GunBroker posts.
It's a shame that a once proud woman will stoop so low.
I learn more about who she really is, every day.
Doug
0
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Doug, all you can do is be the better person and hope the rest of the world takes notice of who has the real issues. Sorry to hear the bad news. 0 -
quote:gagirl:
There is ALWAYS a cause for ever action taken. It sucks but in ALL divorces both parties are at fault.
... it ain't necessarlly so. I've seen many a case where one spouse was 100% at fault - and
some who were 1000%+ at 'fault!'
I can think of about 10 examples without straining my brain too much!
You need more 'Judge Judy life experiences.'
[:D]0 -
quote:Originally posted by zipperzap
quote:gagirl:
There is ALWAYS a cause for ever action taken. It sucks but in ALL divorces both parties are at fault.
... it ain't necessarlly so. I've seen many a case where one spouse was 100% at fault - and
some who were 1000%+ at 'fault!'
I can think of about 10 examples without straining my brain too much!
You need more 'Judge Judy life experiences.'
[:D]
Gotta agree here. What do you do if your spouse is a louse and you simply have no choice? Do you sit there and "work it out" when your spouse doesn't want to? If your spouse cheats, and you catch them, how many chances are you supposed to give before calling it quits? If your spouse gets into some serious drugs and starts destroying your family, and they don't want to stop, how long do you stick around? If your spouse comes home and beats you every day, how exactly is that your fault?
Sure, you can always say that you probably missed the warning signs when you were dating or when they first appeared, but none of us are perfect and more times than not we look at problems with our heart instead of our brain.
That's a shortcoming, but I don't believe that's the same thing as levying blame against the innocent.0 -
Was police work for 31 years in that time I observed people at their finest and their worst, mostly their worst. When it comes to divorces I beleive that women are much more inclined to be devious and nasty and outright lie. Men are more likely to get mad, punch a wall and go out with their friends and get drunk. The best advice I can give which you will almost assuradly not take is to have no communication at all with her. Do everything through a lawyer. She may very well make stuff up if you don't give her a valid reason. I have seen women make up stories of sexual assault, child abuse, threatening, pushing to start a domestic violence situation, (especially if she knows that you like guns and they would be taken from you), and anything vile that they think will work. I would also suggest that you remove your guns from your possession and not tell her or anyone else. This way if she makes a false complaint that you threatened her with one you will catch her in the lie.
Been divorced a couple of times. Married now for two days, so far things are OK but will keep you posted.0 -
Hurry up and have her killed before things get out of hand....
A JOKE!
D.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Classic095
If a woman is cheating on a man , wonder what he was or wasnt doing to make her cheat.. or if the man was cheating, what made him cheat??
That's the biggest load of horse poop I've heard. A person that cheats while being married no matter the circumstances doesn't have a excuse. Doesn't anyone take their freakin vows seriously anymore? Then you talk about the man being gone to often. Sorry but that also is a piss poor excuse. I was gone 300+ days a year while I was working offshore and not once did I cheat or try and cheat, neither did my wife.
Bottom line there is no excuse for cheating no matter what is happening until you are divorced. Anothers actions can't "make" you do anything. You solely are responsible for your actions.0 -
Doug, although I am new to this forum and we don't know each other, my best goes out to you sir. I have many friends that have been divorced and eventually they have all said it turned out for the best. I hope this will be the case for you too. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by SP45
Was police work for 31 years in that time I observed people at their finest and their worst, mostly their worst. When it comes to divorces I beleive that women are much more inclined to be devious and nasty and outright lie. Men are more likely to get mad, punch a wall and go out with their friends and get drunk. The best advice I can give which you will almost assuradly not take is to have no communication at all with her.
He has it right there.
I feel for anyone going through a divorce. Mine sucked and it was relatively easy compared to what I have heard from others. The one thing I did do was break off as much direct contact as possible. Did everything through attorneys and letters. No phone, no face to face. That way you can not fight and she has no way of taking out whatever craziness on you directly.
As for your firearms, I would get those safely away as quickly as possible. If she is reading this then she knows she can hurt you that way. Talk to an attorney and find out what they suggest.
Hang in there. This too shall pass. Be in it now and you will be able to leave it behind later.
What sucks about a divorce is it is just like someone died, only the worst parts of the departed stick around and haunt you.0 -
quote:Originally posted by spanielsells
quote:Originally posted by zipperzap
quote:gagirl:
There is ALWAYS a cause for ever action taken. It sucks but in ALL divorces both parties are at fault.
... it ain't necessarlly so. I've seen many a case where one spouse was 100% at fault - and
some who were 1000%+ at 'fault!'
I can think of about 10 examples without straining my brain too much!
You need more 'Judge Judy life experiences.'
[:D]
Gotta agree here. What do you do if your spouse is a louse and you simply have no choice? Do you sit there and "work it out" when your spouse doesn't want to? If your spouse cheats, and you catch them, how many chances are you supposed to give before calling it quits? If your spouse gets into some serious drugs and starts destroying your family, and they don't want to stop, how long do you stick around? If your spouse comes home and beats you every day, how exactly is that your fault?
Sure, you can always say that you probably missed the warning signs when you were dating or when they first appeared, but none of us are perfect and more times than not we look at problems with our heart instead of our brain.
That's a shortcoming, but I don't believe that's the same thing as levying blame against the innocent.
well you kinda got what I meant.. basically.. yes it is a persons fault when they miss the warning signs and marry someone. I know that from my own mistake of marrying my 1st hubby. ( David is my 2nd) He had many good qualities but I did look at the problems with my heart and not my head.
Yes, it is a different type of fault... and a less one imo, but still there are always reasons and signs....0 -
KODIAK: you like others jump the gun and say that which isnt said..
That's the biggest load of horse poop I've heard. A person that cheats while being married no matter the circumstances doesn't have a excuse. Doesn't anyone take their freakin vows seriously anymore? Then you talk about the man being gone to often. Sorry but that also is a piss poor excuse. I was gone 300+ days a year while I was working offshore and not once did I cheat or try and cheat, neither did my wife.
Good for you and your wife.. Again every case is not the same.. yours is one of the exceptions I am sure..[;)]
Now my statement didnt say a damn thing about an excuse.. the question was "what did somone do or not do to make the other cheat" valid question, not an excuse..people usually dont cheat, drink, and get divorced without a reason.. point being, many and I said many, not all, must look in the mirror and ask themselves the questions.. "What have I been doing" again there might be .002 percent of people totally without blame in a ruined relationship..0 -
and the saying goes something similar to "suffer the wrath of a woman scorned" 0 -
Gone through it. Just be aware that no matter how nice she is, assume she is digging/looking for anything. For the most part, rules for diviorce are governed by State stautes and no matter what, she'll only get what she can legally. It's normal for her lawyer to write motions which depict you as Satan himself whether truthful or not. Stay on track and focus on the objective, keeping what you can and not being taken for a ride on retirement benefits and so forth. One thing I found which absolutely pissed off my practice wife (yup, thats what I call her as I learned much from that relationship as she was bipolar). Don't think with emotions, prepare before you talk about a subject, and only discuss the subject you preparred for. Good luck buddy 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Classic095
Now my statement didnt say a damn thing about an excuse.. the question was "what did somone do or not do to make the other cheat" valid question, not an excuse..people usually dont cheat, drink, and get divorced without a reason.. point being, many and I said many, not all, must look in the mirror and ask themselves the questions.. "What have I been doing" again there might be .002 percent of people totally without blame in a ruined relationship..
Sorry, the actions of the significant other can never MAKE the other cheat. If my wife ran around all hours or even cheated on me would her actions MAKE me cheat? No I'd divorce her and move on.
The problem with your statements I have is anothers actions MAKE you do something. You're responsible for your actions no matter how the other person lives. Personal responabilty and not lowering yourself are good values to live by no matter the way others act around you.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Kodiakk
quote:Originally posted by Classic095
Now my statement didnt say a damn thing about an excuse.. the question was "what did somone do or not do to make the other cheat" valid question, not an excuse..people usually dont cheat, drink, and get divorced without a reason.. point being, many and I said many, not all, must look in the mirror and ask themselves the questions.. "What have I been doing" again there might be .002 percent of people totally without blame in a ruined relationship..
Sorry, the actions of the significant other can never MAKE the other cheat. If my wife ran around all hours or even cheated on me would her actions MAKE me cheat? No I'd divorce her and move on.
The problem with your statements I have is anothers actions MAKE you do something. You're responsible for your actions no matter how the other person lives. Personal responabilty and not lowering yourself are good values to live by no matter the way others act around you.
+10 -
quote:Originally posted by gagirl
quote:Originally posted by spanielsells
quote:Originally posted by zipperzap
quote:gagirl:
There is ALWAYS a cause for ever action taken. It sucks but in ALL divorces both parties are at fault.
... it ain't necessarlly so. I've seen many a case where one spouse was 100% at fault - and
some who were 1000%+ at 'fault!'
I can think of about 10 examples without straining my brain too much!
You need more 'Judge Judy life experiences.'
[:D]
Gotta agree here. What do you do if your spouse is a louse and you simply have no choice? Do you sit there and "work it out" when your spouse doesn't want to? If your spouse cheats, and you catch them, how many chances are you supposed to give before calling it quits? If your spouse gets into some serious drugs and starts destroying your family, and they don't want to stop, how long do you stick around? If your spouse comes home and beats you every day, how exactly is that your fault?
Sure, you can always say that you probably missed the warning signs when you were dating or when they first appeared, but none of us are perfect and more times than not we look at problems with our heart instead of our brain.
That's a shortcoming, but I don't believe that's the same thing as levying blame against the innocent.
well you kinda got what I meant.. basically.. yes it is a persons fault when they miss the warning signs and marry someone. I know that from my own mistake of marrying my 1st hubby. ( David is my 2nd) He had many good qualities but I did look at the problems with my heart and not my head.
Yes, it is a different type of fault... and a less one imo, but still there are always reasons and signs....
Gagirl with all due respect have you ever heard of spite or resentment?0 -
quote:Originally posted by jeffery.boyd
Gone through it. Just be aware that no matter how nice she is, assume she is digging/looking for anything. For the most part, rules for diviorce are governed by State stautes and no matter what, she'll only get what she can legally. It's normal for her lawyer to write motions which depict you as Satan himself whether truthful or not. Stay on track and focus on the objective, keeping what you can and not being taken for a ride on retirement benefits and so forth. One thing I found which absolutely pissed off my practice wife (yup, thats what I call her as I learned much from that relationship as she was bipolar). Don't think with emotions, prepare before you talk about a subject, and only discuss the subject you preparred for. Good luck buddy
I agree. It isn't just divorce, either. In nearly every civil case, the lawyers make someone out to be Satan himself. I've been there in a business setting (back when I was an insurance adjuster). I'd get a letter from my client's lawyer indicating that he/she is representing my client. In the letter, there are allegations made that aren't even remotely close to being true. I've been called a Nazi, in writing, because I wouldn't just give the lawyer what he demanded. The amount of baiting that occurs, with lawyers throwing everything at the wall and just waiting for you to bite, is amazing.
Essentially, think of civil tort lawyers as nothing more than Internet trolls. They say incredible things in hopes that someone will take the bait.
Anything a lawyer tells you or tries to tell about you should be taken with a grain of salt.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Hunter Mag
quote:Originally posted by gagirl
quote:Originally posted by spanielsells
quote:Originally posted by zipperzap
quote:gagirl:
There is ALWAYS a cause for ever action taken. It sucks but in ALL divorces both parties are at fault.
... it ain't necessarlly so. I've seen many a case where one spouse was 100% at fault - and
some who were 1000%+ at 'fault!'
I can think of about 10 examples without straining my brain too much!
You need more 'Judge Judy life experiences.'
[:D]
Gotta agree here. What do you do if your spouse is a louse and you simply have no choice? Do you sit there and "work it out" when your spouse doesn't want to? If your spouse cheats, and you catch them, how many chances are you supposed to give before calling it quits? If your spouse gets into some serious drugs and starts destroying your family, and they don't want to stop, how long do you stick around? If your spouse comes home and beats you every day, how exactly is that your fault?
Sure, you can always say that you probably missed the warning signs when you were dating or when they first appeared, but none of us are perfect and more times than not we look at problems with our heart instead of our brain.
That's a shortcoming, but I don't believe that's the same thing as levying blame against the innocent.
well you kinda got what I meant.. basically.. yes it is a persons fault when they miss the warning signs and marry someone. I know that from my own mistake of marrying my 1st hubby. ( David is my 2nd) He had many good qualities but I did look at the problems with my heart and not my head.
Yes, it is a different type of fault... and a less one imo, but still there are always reasons and signs....
Gagirl with all due respect have you ever heard of spite or resentment?
yup but what does that have to do with what I said?0 -
I dont know what type of fantacy world some of you live in, saying ones actions will not cause another to cheat or get a divorce. The way you treat your spouse or girlfriend, not meeting their needs, your ignoring them,Hanging with the boys (men) or the girls (women) THESE ARE YOUR ACTIONS or THEIRS that will drive the other away to seek greener pastures..
I agree that everyones actions should be their responsibility but face reality.. Divorce is not just "cause". There are reasons and 99.8 percent is one partner or the other not meeting the needs or expectations of the other.. Deny it all you want but a persons actions toward their partner will and has driven their partner to other places seeking the emotional or physical attention they are not getting..
Gotta be some fault somewhere with the horrible divorce rate in this Nation. over 50 percent. Cant tell me that in all those divorces the fault of just one person caused em..
As I said there are a few exceptions, yep! maybe.02 percent..0 -
Sorry to hear of your troubles Doug. Now should be the time to relax and enjoy the fruits of your life, not have to battle with the pickers.
No matter what the outcome just remember that you will survive, life isn't fair, and men that don't fight tooth and nail, get skinned. [:0]
Good luck![;)]0 -
Doug...... Sounds like the last 15 years have been a roller coaster for you. After this is all over, your health will probably do a 180, and you'll be a semi-new man.
Dr. Laura says all the time that women have much more potential to be vindictive, mean spirited, and a whole slew of other bad traits than men, and thats a woman saying that.
I hope things smooth out for you soon, and you can get back to just living your life. I also hope your kids are not caught up in the mess too much. It obviously will have some effect on them, but sit down with them and let them know what is happening and why. They can be amazingly resilliant if they are given the full picture.0 -
quote:gagirl:
... well you kinda got what I meant.. basically..
I've always made it a point to share little, to nothing, of significant personal information within this forum - for obvious reasons of my own - but here's the one exception.
I dated a wonderful woman for five years while going to school. When we married we were both well paid professionals, had an abundant amount of happiness - money - great house - tons of close friends (no elephants but tons nonetheless) ... everything was perfect for 11 years. No fights - no arguments - no complaints.
... then one day ... literally out of the blue, I was told that she didn't want to be married anymore ... no reasons offered ... I was further told that she was still deliriously happy BUT she just really didn't want to be married anymore, preferred living alone, didn't even want to date.
... and that's the way it happened. We both agreed we'd do anything to lessen the impact on the children (two at the time) - I'd give her absolutely everything/anything that she wanted. She was given the house, the new car - I kept the offroad and racing equipment, only.
We are still very close friends - that was in 1980 - my current wife and I invite her to many of our social functions and the ex-wife and Gale are great shopping buddies!
All for kids are fully integrated into one big 'Super-family' nicely. Gretch hasn't remarried and lives happily and comfortably, by herself, until this day.
ONLY because we both tried very hard not to let the divorce get out of control with eager beaver divorce attorneys - she actually fired one because of some problems he was trying to stir up - were we able to stay on top of all of the potentially disastrous scenarios.
I have witnessed, all but one, divorces where words like 'fault', 'angry', 'furious', 'nasty', 'bitch', 'meanie', 'a**hole', weren't used. Ours is the only divorce, apparently, that I know of, where the kids weren't, to some degree adversely affected.
None of this makes me an expert witness but I rank divorce right up there with murder, rape and malicious mayhem . By definition, there are no good or perfect divorces - psychological marks are always left on both individuals, and family. All that can be done is to lessen the damage as much as possible with rational damage control - IF - both persons are willing to constantly and diligently work at it, is the best thing to do.
It was - has been - the single most difficult thing that I have ever had to do.
People are often illogical and irresponsible ... mix that with a bad marriage and the results are often horrendous. That's why California has a 'no fault marriage' statute - and I agree with it. You can't make anyone stay married if they don't want to be.0 -
"fuffle up a gum tree"
I don't care what anyone says...that's funny !!
There are a lot of smart, insightful, and well-educated folks on this forum.
I very much appreciate all of the things y'all have said.
This will soon be all behind me and I intend to restart my personal growth as soon as I can...maybe it's already started.
I don't have enough words to express how much you folks mean to me.
I love GunBroker !!
Doug0 -
lesson learned here today
ONLY THE WOMEN OF THE FORUM SIDE WITH THE OTHER WOMEN WHO ARE WRONG, PROVES THE POINT 100%
me personally am in my second marriage we are going on 16 years, my 3rd serious relationship, each of them changed big time after a year or two, only evilness can go to such such great lengths of putting up a charade for that freaking long
#1 she was a cop, turned absolutely psycho six months after the papers where signed, she had to go out of town for an investigation, her partner dropped her off at our house, walked her to the door, and gave her a passionate kiss good bey, nether knew i was home, i walked out with the clothes on my back .70 cents in my pocket, she sold my guns, and burned the rest of my stuff, including all my baby photos, and my other childhood memories, had a restraining order put on me, and cleaned out the bank account, called my family, and claimed everything was reverse of what happened, i didn't do a damn thing wrong
#2 man was she good, she was even quite for a entire year, we where both 26 she had a daughter, year 3 she had a total hysterectomy and it caused her to loose her freaking mind, i put up with it as long as i could she started running around, after i paid for her college, and forked out the her daughters braces i was still a low life, i moved out give her everything in the house 5,000 bucks cash {because she had a kid i did not}, and guess what, i was still the (@(^sucker
my brother is going through a divorce right now, 28 years of marriage, first 24 years she never worked, and was a good supporting wife over all, then she got a job outside the house started having a affair, he caught her, he forgave her, she did it again, they separated they thought some space would help them, he went over to her apartment, where she had a man in the bedroom, he again put up with it, she moved back home, this last year was unfreaking believable , and she will fess up to everything, i told my brother he has more patients than me he put up with her bs for the past 4 years before he finally had enough
takes 2 my ass
sorry doug the thread was already highjacked, so i added mine0 -
some of you people remind me of a group of people from Israel, man is the purpetual victim. Never guilty of anything that would drive a woman away from him.. Yep! Its always the womans fault..[:(][:(] 0 -
My first marriage ended after 7 years. I did everything I could think of to please her. I worked 2 jobs, bought her a house, a new car. I drove a old pickup. I kept the kids when I was home so she could have some relax time. I knew it was not my fault the marriage failed. I asked her what I did to cause it and she said, It was not what you did, it was what you didn't. Don 0 -
either one or the other, not what ya did, its what ya didnt do, or not what ya didnt do, its what ya did..[:D][:D][:D]
Aint gonna win one way or the other..[;)]0 -
quote:Originally posted by Classic095
some of you people remind me of a group of people from Israel, man is the purpetual victim. Never guilty of anything that would drive a woman away from him.. Yep! Its always the womans fault..[:(][:(]
oh i know plenty of guys who did very wrong, it seams to me that most divorces are one sided more often than not, so to claim it takes two is not very accurate at all
quote:Originally posted by Classic095
either one or the other, not what ya did, its what ya didnt do, or not what ya didnt do, its what ya did..[:D][:D][:D]
Aint gonna win one way or the other..[;)]
some times a person can give and give, do and do, but it is never enough for the other0 -
never mind what she's thinkin,she's probably obsessed with ya , (who knows shes probably fantasising about ya now)...[:D] & the courts will descide who the nut case is !! get on with life & party on dude, ya in the eligible batchelor catorgory now !! yipeeeeeeeeee[}:)]just dont let anymore fool ya , by getting ya drunk ,& taking advantage...[:0]
have fun.......[^]0 -
quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
There are a lot of smart, insightful, and well-educated folks on this forum.
I very much appreciate all of the things y'all have said.
This will soon be all behind me and I intend to restart my personal growth as soon as I can...maybe it's already started.
I don't have enough words to express how much you folks mean to me.
I love GunBroker !!
Doug
I'm telling you Doug, folks here are the salt of the earth.[;)]0 -
I don't think I ever said that this was ALL her fault.
I have so much pride in her accomplishments, and had a lot of respect for her integrity.
I'm sure that things will be better for both of us.
It's just that the transition is a bitch.
Doug0
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