blonde joke
Two factory workers, a man and a blonde, were talking.
"I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her. He climbed up to the rafters, and hung
upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the
ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
With a straight face the man answered, "I'm a light bulb."
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped
down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too and boss asked her where she
thought she was going.
"Home," she said, "I can't work in the dark."
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
"I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her. He climbed up to the rafters, and hung
upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the
ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
With a straight face the man answered, "I'm a light bulb."
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped
down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too and boss asked her where she
thought she was going.
"Home," she said, "I can't work in the dark."
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
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BLONDE on the Way to Houston......
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELL THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE! REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS.
I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH ,I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASK HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON"0 -
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the
family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years,
they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the
bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase
a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon
leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get
there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to
drive out after me and haul it home.'
The Brunette arrives at the mans ranch, inspects the bull
and decides to buy it. The man tells her that he will
sell it for $599 no less. After paying him, she drives
to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell
her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office and says I want to
send a telegram to my sister telling her that I bought a
bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to
our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it
home. The telegraph operator explains that he'll be
happy to help her out, and then adds that it will be
0.99 cents a word, she realizes that after paying for
the bull she only had a dollar left, she would only be
able to send her sister one word, she thinks for a minute
and nods her head and says I want to send my sister the
word "comfortable".
The telegraph operator says how is she going to know that
you want her to hitch the trailer up to the truck and come
and pick you up with the word comfortable? The brunette
explains my sister is a blonde the word's big so she'll
read it slow (COM-FOR-DA-BUL).0 -
> A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while
> on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes
> in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the
> local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the
> attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well
> then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair
> of shoes for free!"
>
> The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you
> go on and give it a try?"
>
> The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
> Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same
> young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
> As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming
> rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim,
> shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby
> were
> 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the
> bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and
> manages to flip the gator onto its back.
>
> Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "CRAP! THIS
> ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"
>
>
>
>
>
>0 -
Two blondes are standing in the woods staring at tracks:
First blonde "Those are deer tracks"
Second blonde " No no those are bear tracks"
Just then they are both run over by a train![:D]0 -
The Blonde's New Present
>
> A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for
> their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone.
>
> She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her
> all the features on the phone.
>
> The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her
> husband.
>
> "Hi hon," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"
>
> She replies, "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell
> but there's one thing I don't understand though."
>
> "What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
>
> "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
"Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, not liberty to purchase power."
Benjamin Franklin, 1785
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Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can
remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent,"
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately prostate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words,"I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately prostate themselves; beg for her
forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blond, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the Auburn University, Auburn, Alabama and I just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
There are no bad guns, only bad people.0 -
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and
was pulled over by a woman
police officer who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her
purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look
like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the
policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay,
you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.
PJ
If nobody seen you do it, how could you have done it. NRA PATRON-LIFE Member, AF&AM, Shriner Life Member, A.B.A.T.E. of Illinois "Chicago Chapter" Founding Member & Board Member0 -
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."0 -
Four blondes walk into a bar. They are all dressed real nice and one of them is clutching a large picture frame.
One of them goes up to the bartender and orders the most expensive wine they have. The ladies go into the back and sit down. They start drinking and celebrating while staring at this picture frame.
The bartender can't see the front of the picture, but he is curious so he walks around to look at the frame. It's a completed puzzle of Cookie Monster. He asks them all why they are so happy about the puzzle that they would celebrate and frame it.
The blondes are all smiling and one of them says, "You know everyone says we are so stupid. Well, we showed them. You see that puzzle, the box said 7+ years and we did it in three weeks!!"0 -
A blonde was talking to her best friend. She said, "I've got a date next week with the most handsome, smartest guy ever. I need to make a good impression or he'll never ask me out a second time. What can I do?"
Her friend said, "Well, you really don't have enough time, but if you work very hard all week, maybe you can do this. Learn all your states and capitals, and he'll think you are sooo smart."
The blonde agreed, and studied day and night for almost a week. She told her friend she was ready. The friend doubted she was, and said so. The blonde said, "I really am! Ask me a few and you'll see!"
The friend said, "Ok, what's the capital of Georgia?"
The blonde said, "That's way too easy. Ask me a harder one!"
The friend said, "Ok, if you insist. What's the capital of Montana?"
The blonde, beaming with pride, said, "M."0 -
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little
red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who
was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the
blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was
getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look
like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's
square and it has your picture on it.' The driver finally
found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is, 'she said. The
blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back
saying,
'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'0 -
The young couple , both blonds , was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby
came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that there was a
wonderful Russian baby boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college
so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired,
"What ever possessed you to both study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby. In a year or so,
when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him."0 -
Jay and his blonde wife live in Chicago. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out. Jay's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do." Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the premier gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord!0 -
Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''0 -
A blonde is walking down the sidewalk and sees a brunette jumping up and down in the middle of the road yelling, "twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five". The blonde asks the brunette why she is doing this. The brunette replies, "Because it's fun, you should try it." The blonde agrees that it looks like a good time and proceeds to jump up and down in the middle of the road yelling "twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five". Along comes a huge Mack truck, and it runs over the blonde, killing her instantly! The brunette gets back in the middle of the road, jumps up and down and yells, "twenty-six, twenty-six, twenty-six".
"What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The Tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure." Thomas Jefferson to William Stephens Smith,1787.
If God didn't want us to eat animals, then he wouldn't have made them out of meat.0 -
[8D]
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate their college graduation. They then get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, I just graduated from Brigham Young University and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering. I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.0 -
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY FROM LOS ANGELES TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN COACH CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR COACH CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO GO BACK TO HER ORIGINAL SEAT .
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO- PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT
BELONGS IN COACH AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR COACH SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE LEANS OVER AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND BLUSHING SLIGHTLY SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN COACH.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON".[^]
"Yeah but will it hold up in court?" TLR0 -
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up
with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my Boobs. I can splash it on my
eyes." [:D]0 -
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final
plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win
$1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the
$32,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no
pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not
build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor; the buzzard;
C) the cuckoo; or
D) the vulture?"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was
doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend
Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have
to use it. Mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde.
But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave
her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered
employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do.
On the other hand -- the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, Regis said, "I regret to inform you that that answer is . . absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and
friends -- including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.
"Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am
now a millionaire.
"And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way, how did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't
build nests. They live in clocks."
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com the best gun auction site on the Net! Email gpd035@sbcglobal.net0 -
Dear Diary,
>>>
>>> Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
>>> expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week I got a
call
>>> from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year
ago
>>> and I had yet to pay for them.
>>>
>>> Boy oh boy, did we go around and around! Just because I'm a
blonde
>>> does not mean I'm automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him
just
>>> what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year - namely,
that in
>>> one year, the windows would pay for themselves.
>>>
>>> There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just
hung up.
>>> I have not heard anything back.
>>>
>>> Guess I won that stupid argument!
>>>
>>>
>>>
Larry0 -
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.0 -
A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more; they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."
The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important."
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion." [:I][:I]
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.0 -
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok.
She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS. [;)]0 -
A blonde was standing in front of a soda machine muttering, "You're a dumb-looking button. You don't have much of a future, either. You're going to be replaced by a much better looking button."
"What are you doing?" her girlfriend asked.
The blonde quickly pointed to the sign on the front of the machine that read "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE". [:o)]
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Hypocrisy is the homage paid by vice to virtue.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.0 -
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.
The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"0 -
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the other ear?"
"The son of a b**ch called back!" [:o)]
When Clinton lied, no one died.
"It is fortunate for governments that the people do not think. ADOLPH HITLER"0 -
A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be delivered to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you
possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you fifty dollars for
your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the
blonde. "What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you
fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes I know, and I did take them to the zoo" said the blonde, but we had money left over---so we went to the movies!!! [:o)][:o)]
volenti non fit injuria0 -
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.
In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things...
One: The bartender is a blonde woman.
Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.
Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.
Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude. Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says, "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."0 -
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."
Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays..."God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light and the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the voice of God Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this......Buy a ticket!"
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
Will Rogers
There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators.
Will Rogers0
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