blonde joke
Two factory workers, a man and a blonde, were talking.
"I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her. He climbed up to the rafters, and hung
upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the
ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
With a straight face the man answered, "I'm a light bulb."
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped
down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too and boss asked her where she
thought she was going.
"Home," she said, "I can't work in the dark."
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
"I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her. He climbed up to the rafters, and hung
upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the
ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
With a straight face the man answered, "I'm a light bulb."
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped
down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too and boss asked her where she
thought she was going.
"Home," she said, "I can't work in the dark."
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
0
-
A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off,
to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there,
she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she
didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached
home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened?
She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers are crazy!
They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"0 -
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'
'No, Silly,' the blonde said, 'first I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So?' asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
'So then?' asked the doctor.
"'Then I put the gun to my ear," and I thought, "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.[:D]0 -
>A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
>
>
>and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
>
>
>The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through
>
>
>her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it
>
>
>look like?" she finally asked.
>
>
>
>The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
>
>
>
>The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it
>
>
>to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
>
>
>
>The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
>
>
>"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."0 -
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but . . " He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled _expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, duh! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
_________________
If your beliefs aren't based in fact, TRUTH is the first casualty...0 -
Two blondes walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and chearing, "51 days! 51 days!!"
About five minutes later, another blonde walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the chearing.
Finally, another blonde walkes in with what looks like a cardboard picture. She puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts chearing with the others, "51 days! 51 days!!
The Bar Tender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Cookie Monster puzzle.
He walks over to one of the blondes and asks, "What on earth are you doing??"
"Well," the blonde says, "everyone thinks blondes are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!0 -
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup,she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune....
Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.0 -
How do brain cells in a blonde die..?? .......... alone....!! 0 -
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At ! the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."
If you want my guns you will have to kill me first. I was born free and to take that from me you better be ready to fight.0 -
The Blonde woman went to outside to her mail box, looked in and it was empty, went back in the house, only to return to the mail box within 5 min, again empty, this went on all day, every five minutes she checked out the box, Her neighbor finally ask her if she was expecting a special letter or package,
"No" she replied, it just that my computer keeps telling me "You Have Mail"0 -
Blonde Wife walked in on her husband while engaged in an affair with his lover,, The blond wife was so angry she pulled out a pistol and pointed it at her own head. The husband said What are you doing? Dont do that., the Blonde wife said "Shut up you are next" 0 -
A True Blonde Story:
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there!
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in park?"0 -
A blonde gets off a plane in Des Moines, rents a car, and drives to her destination. Passing a newly sprouted corn field, she notices a blonde in a rowboat in the middle of the field rowing like there is no tomorrow. So she gets out of the car, yells at the blonde in the rowboat and says "You stupid Blonde! Because of blondes like you, it gives the rest of us blondes a bad name. If I could, I'd swim out there and kick your a$$." 0 -
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and
repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll
have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my
instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead
that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde. [:o)][:o)]
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.0 -
Dear Diary,
>>
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the
contractor who installed them.
>>
He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year
ago and I hadn't paid for them.
>>
Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid.
>>
So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME
last year....namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows
would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him)
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally
just hung up....He didn't call back.
>>
Guess I won that stupid argument.
Larry
0 -
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blond attempts to leap away
from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she
is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is
struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune .
Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say, "Hello."0 -
This one has been around a few times, but just in case you missed it......
A very attractive blond from Dublin, Ireland arrived at the casino.
She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know . . . I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Irish are drunks
Not all blondes are dumb
But all men........are men.0 -
Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year . . . namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him)
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He didn't call back.
Guess I won that stupid argument.0 -
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well
over 90 mph. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel,
"Any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road
behind them.
"Yeah, looks like it"
"Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again......
"Yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....."0 -
A group of blondes in a class at Indiana State University were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.
An engineering student comes along, sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walked away.
After the engineer had gone, one blonde turned to another and laughed. "Isn't that just like a dumb man engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"0 -
yep,yepyep...that woulb be right...its always the man who`s the dumb one!....[:D][:D][:D][:D]thats was a good one.[:D] 0 -
cute[:D] 0 -
[:D] 0 -
I think I know that bunch[:D][}:)] 0
Please sign in to leave a comment.
Comments
53 comments