What is the funniest joke U played
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WHEN WORKING OFFSHORE
i put a dummy water hose at a buddies work area sticking his under the deck pointing straight up were the valve was.
he comes down see me checking out the B.O.Ps and he grabs the dummy hose and says IM gonna wet you, so i flick him off and he slaps the handle on the water line down.
(we have around 75psi on our water lines)
needless to say his anus got douched.[;)]
one of many0 -
A friend at a place I used to work liked to go back in the warehouse to use the toilet there rather than maybe wait in line for a seat on one in the air conditioned office area. Everyone else avoided the warehouse toilet because it was really hot and sweaty in there. One day I dusted the toilet seat with powdered dye that was a mixture of red, green, and brown. He went back there and had himself a good sweaty dump and found his butt indelibly dyed a purplish color. He went home and dropped trou in front of his wife to show her what dirty deed had been done to him. [:D] 0 -
When I was a young man I worked as a communication and detention officer for the KCMO Police Dept. My job involved working at one of the outlying substations and handle the booking of arrests, walk-in reports, etc. I worked 11 PM to 7 AM. We had about 7 police cars that worked out of that station and one car was usually a two man crew. Jim and Michael usually worked car 1111 and each morning about 3 AM, when nothing was happening in our area, they would swing into the station, grab some coffee and doughnuts, talk a bit, and then drive out to some seculded spot to park and take a nap.
One night I took an M-80 firecracker and a paperclip. I bent the paper clip into the shape of a hook and securely taped it to the M-80. When car 1111 crew was about to leave the station, I put a lit cigarette onto the fuse of the M-80 and Jim and Michael drove off with the time bomb hanging onto their police car. As usual we didn't hear from them for the rest of the night.
When I got off duty and walked to my car I check it. Back then cars (my 1962 Chevrolet Impala) hoods could be opened from outside the car. I opened my hood and found a whole lot of fireworks that had been put on or attached to my motor apparently by Jim & Michael in the hopes that when I started my car the fireworks would go off. Apparently they had figured out that what I had done to them in regards to the M-80 going off and blasting them out of their nap.
I of course took all the fireworks off my car. I even discovered one wired to the exhaust of my car under the car. Those two guys really wanted to get me back.
So, as I was driving home headed Southbound on I-35 for the Paseo bridge, I look over to my left and there is a KC MO police car pacing next to me with two policeofficers both staring daggers at me. I just laughed, waved as they sped up and left.
Neither they nor I ever mentioned this story to any of us.0 -
A co-worker came down with an ulcer and opted to eat canned soups instead of the sometimes spicy school food. He had a stash of soups on his desk for each days lunch and always looked at them to decide which to eat on a particular day. He was absent one day and I carefully cut off all the labels and reattached them to different cans. After the third can of mis-label, he figured out I had messed with him. Watching the look on his face when he opened the can was priceless! 0 -
i didnt do it but a hand on the rig had a bad case of heat rash and was asking another what he could put on it , the other guy told him to use BEN GAY. Dont know if he did or not.
another one is, the cook always had hard boiled eggs setting out, place a raw one in the bunch and see who the lucky person is. this time it was my buddy he also liked to crack his on the wall.[:D]0 -
when a neighbor & i were single we used to run around together & pull pranks...he liked a big glass of milk & oreo cookies when he got in about 9pm...always kept his house locked but missed one day so i got in & scraped all the white filling out of his cookies & put them back in place...phone call at 9:30 pm was priceless.......... 0 -
quote:Originally posted by tr fox
When I was a young man I worked as a communication and detention officer for the KCMO Police Dept. My job involved working at one of the outlying substations and handle the booking of arrests, walk-in reports, etc. I worked 11 PM to 7 AM. We had about 7 police cars that worked out of that station and one car was usually a two man crew. Jim and Michael usually worked car 1111 and each morning about 3 AM, when nothing was happening in our area, they would swing into the station, grab some coffee and doughnuts, talk a bit, and then drive out to some seculded spot to park and take a nap.
One night I took an M-80 firecracker and a paperclip. I bent the paper clip into the shape of a hook and securely taped it to the M-80. When car 1111 crew was about to leave the station, I put a lit cigarette onto the fuse of the M-80 and Jim and Michael drove off with the time bomb hanging onto their police car. As usual we didn't hear from them for the rest of the night.
When I got off duty and walked to my car I check it. Back then cars (my 1962 Chevrolet Impala) hoods could be opened from outside the car. I opened my hood and found a whole lot of fireworks that had been put on or attached to my motor apparently by Jim & Michael in the hopes that when I started my car the fireworks would go off. Apparently they had figured out that what I had done to them in regards to the M-80 going off and blasting them out of their nap.
I of course took all the fireworks off my car. I even discovered one wired to the exhaust of my car under the car. Those two guys really wanted to get me back.
So, as I was driving home headed Southbound on I-35 for the Paseo bridge, I look over to my left and there is a KC MO police car pacing next to me with two policeofficers both staring daggers at me. I just laughed, waved as they sped up and left.
Neither they nor I ever mentioned this story to any of us.
Almost similar, we were working on my buddys subaru, and he was bitching and complaingin about how hot it was, we took a 500 string of firecrackers and wrapped them around his headers, about 25 minutes later we get a call cussing us out!0 -
whilst a passenger in a l/h drive motor(sat on the right, as we do in the UK)
stand up thru the sunroof screaming & waving a steering wheel around, whilst all ya bud, swerves side to side & scream too ! the faces of the folk on the steet is amaising ,thinking ya gonna crash..(he's really driving L/H)
uni prank !![:D]
Been pie eyed & staggering back to the car, sitting in the driving seat (R/H), been pulled by the cops & falling out the door, & arrested for drink drive !! when car is a left hooker !! [:D]0 -
I have a good friend who worked at Stapleton Airport a few decades ago.
He tells the story of one of his co-workers who bought a brand new Ford truck that he was real proud of. My buddy added about five gallons of gas every day to the truck...
Not funny in and of itself...
But one day, he just stopped adding gas to the guy's tank.
Dude went crazy trying to figure out why he was suddenly getting "crappy" mileage.
I can't remember if he ever told the dude what he was doing.0 -
In High School two buddies and I drove down, in my car, to Galveston sea wall to enjoy the beach and check out the gals. Well we got split up and when I went back to where I had parked my car ...it was gone! I had guessed my "buddies"" had taken my car and were joy ridding around! ...I HOPED! ...I also was worried somebody had just stolen my car, and my buddies would soon walk up and want to head back home. Only thing I could do is wait. So I was sitting on the sea wall watching the surfers, when 3 gals in swimming suits surround me and start acting like they were really interested in me! I was eating it up for about a half minute, think man I'm normally not this "lucky" ...when it hit me! I say "OK where is Barney and John and WHERE is my car!! ...They acted "dumb" but about 5 minutes later Barney and John come walking up ...with a big bababooey eating grin on there faces! 0 -
..On a ski trip in the UP with a bunch of friends. We were playing cards in the evening, imbibing various substances. I went to the bathroom and retrieved a pre-planted tampon and a glass of sloe gin. Soaked the tampon well and re-entered the room, asking indignantly "OK, who left this on the sink?" My wife, in on the joke, said "taste it and see if you can tell who it was." I tipped my head back and slurped the "juice" out of the tampon, to the utter disgust of everyone at the card table.
.....Yes, I'm one sick puppy..................................0 -
handed a new shooter a hammerelli and told them to hit a bulleye 10 times in a row.[:o)] 0 -
My buddy's doberman loved chasing a laser pointer. It would just make him batty trying to get it. One of my buddies had been in a wedding, and was passed out in his tux on my couch, sitting up with legs spread.
I got that doby chasing that laser pointer fanatically, and then I stopped it right on my buddy's junk. That doby ran up, and took a mouthful of twig & berries.
Buddy went from passed out, to screaming like a little girl in about .1 seconds.
Ben0 -
Worked in a machine shop and a co-worker had an expensive wrist watch that he would take off and lay next to his tool box on a steel table.
One weekend I saw/bought a similiar looking (non-working) watch at a garage sale for .50 cents.
Next day at work I walk up, pick up his watch and say:
"Man that's a NICE watch! Where did you get it?"
He said: "My wife gave it to me for our anniversary."
Quickly palming his watch and grabbing a ball peen hammer, I threw the junk watch on the table and said:
"Let's see if it's TIMEX TOUGH."
Then pounded the junk watch to smithereens w/the hammer.
His reaction was similiar to the old lady (Aunt Edna) in the National Lampoon "Vacation" movie when she learns her dog has been dragged to death.
Except I knew he was going to blow up and possibly get violent eventually. (I know I would have).
Waiting to the last possible moment, I handed him his intact watch. He still was not amused.[:D]0 -
quote:Originally posted by tr fox
When I was a young man I worked as a communication and detention officer for the KCMO Police Dept. My job involved working at one of the outlying substations and handle the booking of arrests, walk-in reports, etc. I worked 11 PM to 7 AM. We had about 7 police cars that worked out of that station and one car was usually a two man crew. Jim and Michael usually worked car 1111 and each morning about 3 AM, when nothing was happening in our area, they would swing into the station, grab some coffee and doughnuts, talk a bit, and then drive out to some seculded spot to park and take a nap.
One night I took an M-80 firecracker and a paperclip. I bent the paper clip into the shape of a hook and securely taped it to the M-80. When car 1111 crew was about to leave the station, I put a lit cigarette onto the fuse of the M-80 and Jim and Michael drove off with the time bomb hanging onto their police car. As usual we didn't hear from them for the rest of the night.
When I got off duty and walked to my car I check it. Back then cars (my 1962 Chevrolet Impala) hoods could be opened from outside the car. I opened my hood and found a whole lot of fireworks that had been put on or attached to my motor apparently by Jim & Michael in the hopes that when I started my car the fireworks would go off. Apparently they had figured out that what I had done to them in regards to the M-80 going off and blasting them out of their nap.
I of course took all the fireworks off my car. I even discovered one wired to the exhaust of my car under the car. Those two guys really wanted to get me back.
So, as I was driving home headed Southbound on I-35 for the Paseo bridge, I look over to my left and there is a KC MO police car pacing next to me with two policeofficers both staring daggers at me. I just laughed, waved as they sped up and left.
Neither they nor I ever mentioned this story to any of us.
I forgot to mention perhaps the funniest part. As the police car was pulling away and ahead of me there on I-35, I clearly saw the big burn spot on their bumper where I had placed the M-80. So even though they never admitted it to me, I know I got them good.
David Nunn, If you are reading this you better be glad I am not young again and worked for the same police dept. you work for. Because if I did we would have fun, fun, fun. Hehehehehe[:o)]0 -
this was a group i shot with at a big match, photo was taken afterwards
guess which ones me?0 -
My kids and I like to go at each other on "April Fools". One year before I went to work, I emptied about 1/4 box of Breakfast Cereal, filled the box back up with similar looking dog food. Unfortunately the kids ate waffles that morning and the wife had cereal. 0 -
A few years ago a fellow in our community did not like any LO at all. He would constantly throw roofing nails out behind the jail and in our driveways. We finally caught him in the act and he was in jail. The Sheriff was so proud cause he was had and in jail. The Sheriff got a brand new set of tires about two days later and was bragging a little. Soooo, I went home to the shop building and got about seven or eight roofing nails. I cut the main part of the nail shank away and ground the heads flat and then went and super glued the nail heads on the Sheriff's brand new tires. I had a woman next door at the courthouse call him on the phone and had her to tell him that she got more nails in her tires so he had better go check his. He went out and saw those nail heads on his tires and went into a fit of rage. I can't tell you on GB what all he said but it was priceless. Yes I owned up to it. I had to, it was too good. 0 -
When I was working in a department store, one my friends, pretty good friend who gives the jokes out as good as she gets them back who also worked there, had an appointment for her annual gyno check-up one morning. She came back after lunch.
I got on the phone in the department across the aisle from her department. I called her and pretended to be her doctor's office.
"Hello, Mrs. Simon? It's Gloria from Dr. "so-and so's" office. I wanted to call you with the results of your tests this morning. You're preganancy test shows positive. Congratulations!"
Her face went white as a sheet....0 -
Ever seen what a belt sander does when you plug it in, to find the trigger has been taped down? There ya go, chasing your sander out the door....... 0 -
Found a huge PRAYING MANTIS at work and put it in the bosses desk, the long skinny drawer in the middle....He went in his office and me and 2 co workers followed in my one bud asked for a pen ..He opened the drawer and ...well....You know...It was greattttttttt[:p][:p][:p][:D] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by 1911a1fan
this was a group i shot with at a big match, photo was taken afterwards
guess which ones me?
The one in the red tee[:p]0 -
I was training a new grad RN one night. One of the patients she had had a Trach. Trans trach to be precise. Anyway, I established a pretty good relationship with this pt. So we thought of a little joke. He pretended that his trach was not working right and started coughing and grabbing his throat. I told the new grad to get in there and assess the situation. She was freaked out. Then the guy rolled his eyes up and "passed out in bed" I told her to "go get the crash cart!!!" and I walked out leaving the situation for her to handle. Needless to say, she was a little stressed!
She has never forgotten that day[:D] And the pt. had a great time ruining her night.0 -
One summer while in college I worked as a deckhand on a dredge in Lake Ponchatrain. One of the operators in the wheel house would yell down to us to bring him a cup of coffee every time we got a break. He wasn't allowed to leave the bridge without being relieved by another qualified operator. My cousin and I decided to teach him a lesson. We put Ex-Lax in his coffee. He drank the entire cup. Next day we were in the wheel house when he made the comment "I don't know what I got a hold of but it sure tore my stomach up. I've been crapping my guts out all night." He kinda got the idea we had something to do with it as we were rolling on the floor laughing. 0 -
Went to work as I do,my wife packed my lunch when I bite into the great sandwich she makes,I found the plastic was still on the chesse. 0 -
Put a thin coating of Ora Gel on a co-workers soda bottle while he was out working on a plane. I was expecting it to make his mouth numb, but it had the unexpected effect of causing him to vomit all over the place. I guess it numbed the sphinkter muscle at the top of his stomach and up everything came. He was good for it though, got me back with car keys frozen in a coffee cup. 0 -
My kids got a toy yellow chick in their easter basket that reacted with a `peep peep` when first struck by light. I put in the bosses office over the door where it was out of sight but gave a `peep peep`every time he came in and turned on his light.After a few days I put it in the mens room on the ledge at the light. A co-worker and I would listen to the peeps and smile each time.The boss would say `well, peep peep` sometimes and look around. He never said anything to anyone and I figured he doubted whether he heard it or not. After a few more days I took the thing home and never said anything to the boss about it. 0 -
in h.s. the town finally got sewage lines. crew was from Tx.
one big guy was always playing pranks on the rest of the crew to the point that they were getting p.o.ed but good.
then i discovered he was afraid of snakes...
late spring when they were hitting pockets of several dozen and more common water snakes...his foreman kept his attention talking when he saw what i was up to
took a peice of heavy inch hemp about 6 ft long and wrapped the last couple feet round his ankle, stepped back and gave a tug onthe other end so it tightened up a bit.
he must have jumped 4 feet straight up! and the entire crew had passed the word down the trench what was happening and they ALL stopped to watch
2 days before the wedding we got in the guys apartment and scattered the whole place with panties, bras and skimpy nighties...just before he and the future missus walked in.
(she was in on it, dont worry) should have heard the stammering and look of horror on his face while she just stood there trying to keep a scowel on her face wanting an explanation
also helped a young prety aquaintence out of what she didnt realize was a REAL BAD romance. (he was a druggy and we knew he had a real violent streak, even with women. she didnt want to believe it as he was putting on a good front)
same as the apartment, we would get in his car and plant panties etc so she would notice them when she got in0 -
I woke up one morning and when the wife started to wake up, I moaned like I was in great pain. Well the wife shot straight up and thought that there was something terribly wrong with me. After she asked me what the problem was, I told her I had dislocated my big toe and it was pointing straight up. She riped the covers back and asked franically what she could do (I was curling my other toes downward and extended the big toe skyward).
I told her nothing, April Fool's Day. She still laughs at it after all this time!
Moose0 -
One night at our camp , a few buddies and I were tossin a few back , my buddy went outside to do something or other and left his cell phone sittin on the bar [:o)] I couldn't resist takin it in the bathroom and takin a nice close up of Mr. Happy and his two friends [:o)] then setting it for his back ground wall paper [;)] Took him almost two days before I heard him cusin up a storm [:D][:D][:D]
and No , I would have never let him go home with it on there . Think about that one next time you leave your cell laying around [:I]0
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