How old are you
#1
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD".
#2
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
?How old was your husband??
?98," she replied: "Two years older than me?
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
#3
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
#4
I've sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
#5
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.
#6
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.
?Why Wal-Mart??
?Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week?
#7
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be..
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
#8
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
#9
It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.
#10
These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
#11
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.
[:D][:p][^][?]
[:D]
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD".
#2
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
?How old was your husband??
?98," she replied: "Two years older than me?
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
#3
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
#4
I've sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
#5
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.
#6
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.
?Why Wal-Mart??
?Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week?
#7
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be..
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
#8
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
#9
It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.
#10
These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
#11
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.
[:D][:p][^][?]
[:D]
0
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The old man was fighting in Korea when I was born. I've seen the Chicago Bears play the Chicago Cardinals, 0 -
Jesse Owens won the 100 meter dash in
BERLIN OLYMPICS---OLD0 -
I'm the last time the Chicago Bears won the Super Bowl old.....almost to the day actually. [:D]
Jon0 -
JFK was elected that year. 0 -
Ike elected to his first term. 0 -
Turned 5 a few days after JFK was shot...... 0 -
India and Pakistan gained independence the month before I was born.
I was 21 shooting communists in the Vietnam jungle in 1968.0 -
Born a year after hurricane hazel 0 -
I was just a twinkle in my fathers eye when the first Atomic Bomb was dropped on Japan. 0 -
I'm a couple of years older than man walking on the moon!
Merc0 -
The Buck was on his desk when I was born. 0 -
Fat Man and Little Boy would have been a decade old had they survived. 0 -
FDR's third term. 0 -
I just missed voting for Ronnie. 0 -
Same year Joe went to Wheeling. 0 -
Democrats kinda acted Republican [?] 0 -
The last year of the first gen t-bird.
(First and last don't qualify as numbers, do they?)0 -
A century after the big gold rush. 0 -
Two months before that fateful day in Dallas. 0 -
pearl harbor old 0 -
It was a good year for Frankie Valli .Especially December.Got it yet [:D] 0 -
No television at the house and party line telephone old. 0 -
Houston McCoy put an end to Charles Whitman. 0 -
went to 30 year class reunion last night 0 -
Last Year Ike was POTUS.
My sign is Aries[:0]0 -
quote:Originally posted by danielgage
went to 30 year class reunion last night
My 50 year reunion is next month.0 -
Old enough to know better but too lazy to do so.
One of Godzilla movies was in theatres.0 -
Bell bottom pants were popular, so was disco and Dianna Ross had a #1 hit the year I was born. 0 -
Early WWII. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by armilite
quote:Originally posted by danielgage
went to 30 year class reunion last night
My 50 year reunion is next month.
I missed my 40th last year.
Uh oh we are using numbers.0
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