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How old are you

grumpygy
#1
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"

And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD".

#2
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
?How old was your husband??
?98," she replied: "Two years older than me?
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
#3

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

#4

I've sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.


#5

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.


#6

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.
?Why Wal-Mart??
?Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week?


#7

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be..
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


#8

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


#9

It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.

#10

These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'


#11

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.

Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.



[:D][:p][^][?]

[:D]
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Comments

113 comments

Date Votes
  • grumpygy
    But do it without numbers.

    I'm Black and white old.
    0
  • Idahobound
    Ronald Reagan old.
    0
  • kidthatsirish
    33
    0
  • remingtonoaks
    I'm 49th and 50th state admitted into the Union old

    I hope using the 49th and 50th state admitted in the Union doesn't violate your using numbers clause

    I also based it on the year I was born, not the era...
    0
  • Zinderbloc
    In sixth grade on that day in Dallas old.
    0
  • guntech59
    I was born the same year as 'Bonanza'.

    Not terribly old, but creeping up there.

    Some of y'all just fart dust! [:D]
    0
  • mark christian
    Rome Olympics old.
    0
  • ltcdoty
    I'm white dog poop old....
    0
  • grumpygy
    quote:Originally posted by guntech59
    I was born the same year as 'Bonanza'.

    Not terribly old, but creeping up there.

    Some of y'all just fart dust! [:D]


    Well then I was born before you cause Bonanza was one of the 1st shows to be all in Color.
    0
  • reload999
    Truman was in his last year as prez when I was born.
    0
  • Brookwood
    I always use our nations Presidential history to map a persons age.

    My time started when Ike was Pres.

    My dad started with Woodrow Wilson and ended with Bill Clinton.

    Mom with Calvin Coolidge ending with Tricky Dick Nixon
    0
  • Gregor62
    Marilyn Monroe sang to Kennedy.
    0
  • grumpygy
    quote:Originally posted by Brookwood
    I always use our nations Presidential history to map a persons age.

    My time started when Ike was Pres.

    My dad started with Woodrow Wilson and ended with Bill Clinton.

    Mom with Calvin Coolidge ending with Tricky Dick Nixon


    Dwight D. Eisenhower
    0
  • bullshot
    Two years after WWII
    0
  • savage170
    On my birthday

    Telstar, 1st geosynchronous communications satellite, launched
    0
  • 84Bravo1
    I'm 399 in Dog years. [:D]





    Oh crap. That's got #'s in it. [^]



    Okay, okay, okay. One dog year before the Tet offensive. [:p]
    0
  • remingtonoaks
    quote:Originally posted by bullshot

    Two years after WWII




    So you're Roswell UFO incident old...
    0
  • Mark G
    I wasn't born when JFK was shot but I was almost fully cooked old.
    0
  • 11b6r
    Older than the atomic bomb.
    0
  • Smitty500mag
    Ezzard Charles beats Jersey Joe Walcott in 15 rounds for the National Boxing Association world heavyweight title and Hank Williams releases the song Love Sick Blues.
    0
  • bpost
    I was two months ten days old when the McDonnell F-4 Phantom first flew.
    0
  • 84Bravo1
    quote:Originally posted by bpost
    I was two months ten days old when the McDonnell F-4 Phantom first flew.





    Cheater. Cheater. That's got #'s in it. (Yes, even if you spell the numbers.) Geez. [^]
    0
  • kimi
    Gads Hill, Missouri
    0
  • varian
    round screen columbia TV old.
    0
  • Ditch-Runner
    one of the most popular, iconic trifive Chevy's came out the year I came into the world . also sputnik was the big news
    0
  • montanajoe
    • Community moderator
    as old as NASA
    0
  • Arby
    I was born about a month or so before the official start of the Great Depression.
    0
  • gearheaddad
    quote:Originally posted by kimi
    Gads Hill, Missouri

    1872?
    You look good for your age, James......
    0
  • gearheaddad
    Alaska became a state. Year and age!
    I had to look! All kinds of neat stuff happened the year I was born!
    The day the music died
    Barbie
    Castro showed up in Havanna
    Ben Hur
    0
  • Ricci Wright
    (1) French troops begin the battle against the Viet Minh in Dien Bien Phu.
    (2) Release of Elvis Presley's first single, "That's All Right", by Sun Records (recorded July 5 in Memphis, Tennessee).
    (3) A United States Air Force Lockheed C-130 Hercules flew its first flight at Burbank, California manufactured by Lockheed Martin
    (4) The USS Nautilus (SSN-571), the first nuclear-powered submarine in the world, is commissioned into the U.S. Navy. (I have been aboard).
    (5) Hurricane Hazel makes U.S. landfall; it is the only recorded Category 4 hurricane to strike as far north as North Carolina. (It tore the hell out of our beach. I was four months and two days old.)
    0

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