Dear Dogs and Cats..........
* To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height. [;)]
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline assistance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
[:D]
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline assistance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
[:D]
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Note to cooking and cleaning staff:
Why in the world would you think your opinion matters?
Fluffy.0 -
Good one![8D] 0 -
Good one, hobby guy. So true, so true. 0 -
The last bit about selling there children is priceless. 0 -
Very nice, but there was nothing about them not picking the flavors of the cake and ice cream.[;)] 0 -
I'm printing this out and posting it tonight. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by p3skyking
Very nice, but there was nothing about them not picking the flavors of the cake and ice cream.[;)]
We buy ice cream based on the cats/dogs being able to have some i.e. no chocolate.0 -
SSSSHHHHT- Cesar Millan[:D] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by FrancF
SSSSHHHHT- Cesar Millan[:D]
I actually use his approach on my two since they were 5 weeks old..it works great for us..even the wife has mastered it..Loko [;)]0 -
quote:Originally posted by LOKO383
quote:Originally posted by FrancF
SSSSHHHHT- Cesar Millan[:D]
I actually use his approach on my two since they were 5 weeks old..it works great for us..even the wife has mastered it..Loko [;)]
Your not the only one![;)][:D] Funny how discipline can be so simple and strait forward. I recommend his DVD's to anyone. My wife is a little bit more lax on discipline than I but, his DVDs have helped us get on the same page of doing things and giving the same message.0 -
I don't know what it is about the bathroom and cats but mine just can't stand for me to shut the door. The odor should be obvious. Maybe they just want to come in and cover me up!! Tom 0 -
All hilarious, all so true.
We've got a skid of shingles at work that we've been instructed to get rid of. My co-workers suggested I could build the "ultimate" dog house and roof it with a few bundles. I had to point out that my dogs already have the "ultimate" canine dwelling, for which I pay $550.00 a month. Any other dwellings built on the property will be for me.0
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