Where are all the jokes?
Usually when I log on and check this forum, there's a ton of good jokes. But today is kind of lacking. Jokes please![:D]
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Why is a Nun called a nun?
Cause she don't get none. Don0 -
Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there 's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, . .. . . .
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"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"0 -
dat's purrty funny there.[:D] 0 -
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, that might be OK in California, BUT we're not having any of that **** in Texas0 -
Two guys walked into a bar......the third guy ducked! 0 -
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with
His toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and
said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to
heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom
And watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and
the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she
started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door
And there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is
your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend."
The minister fainted.0 -
Good stuff y'all, thanks![8D] 0 -
An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kindof car ya got there, sonny?"
The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost somuch?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,
"That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within
30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself.
He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph and he's feeling pretty
good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "I'm a doctor................
Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your sideview mirror".0 -
An Irishman walks past a pub. 0 -
HEY that could happen.
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If the pub were closed.[;)]
quote:Originally posted by nunn
An Irishman walks past a pub.0 -
This little girl asks her mother if she can take the dog for a walk, the little girls mother replied "the dog is in heat, go ask your father". So the little girl walks inside the garage and asks her dad if she can take the dog for a walk, the dad replys "yes" but he would have to cover up the oder of heat. So he grabs some gas and splashes it on the dogs behind and sends them on their way. A few minutes later the little girl returns with just a leash, her dad asks "wheres the dog?" She said "she ran out of gas and some friendly doggy is giving her a push home" 0 -
1 more 
This highly educated professor (we'll call him dlrjj) was in Africa on a relief mission to help out local tribes. Naturally being so smart and such a welcomed guest he was friends with the chief of the tribe, and was allowed to quarter up with him and his family. One glorious day the chiefs wife was having a baby and to everyones dismay it appeared to be white the same white as the professor. The chief pulled the professor aside and inquired as to how this baby could be white since he and his wife and his tribe are all black, the professor was frantic and sweating trying to convince the chief that its an albino and stuff like this happens sometime. Out of nowhere some sheep had caught the professors eye and he pointed to the sheep and said see how all those sheep are white and their is 1 black sheep. The chief look at him and said I speak no more of white baby you speak no more of black sheep.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Zebra
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, that might be OK in California, BUT we're not having any of that **** in Texas
[:D][:D]0
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