How our Government works
An Analysis of US Law Enforcement Agencies upon Encountering a "Venomous
Snake" Within Their Jurisdiction:
1. FBI - Searches for, but cannot locate the snake. After the snake is
caught by local police, the FBI forms a Snake Task Force of 150 agents,
sets up a command center, holds a press conference, and takes credit for
capturing the snake. Upon taking credit, the impressive command post is
packed up and the FBI task force return to their office to await another
large event to take credit for. In the mean time, FBI management
requests 4,000 more agents to combat snake activity associated with
terrorism.
2. US Secret Service - Forms a protective ring of agents around the
snake and escorts it to a safe area.
3. ATF - Sends SRT team to arrest the snake. They expend all of their
ammo, then burn the forest down, killing everything else in the forest,
except the snake. At a Congressional inquiry, they make a presentation
of why additional funding is required to properly train agents to battle
the threat of snakes. The only questions asked by ATF management after
the operation is whether or not there was a proper operational plan in
place, if the plan was followed, and who can take the fall for anything
that went wrong.
4. TSA - Abiding by a Congressional ruling to prevent "profiling"
venomous snakes, the TSA makes random inspections. Venomous snakes are
regularly allowed to pass while TSA officials strip search a family of
squirrels.
5. IRS-CID - Performs an in-depth investigation of the snake and writes
a 100-page summary of why the snake should not be prosecuted. The
investigation is closed and all agents are out of the office by 4:30pm.
6. ICE - After obtaining permission from the BPA, CBP, FBI, FPS, IRS,
FINCEN, DEA, ATF, FAMS, FEMA, and the Girl Scouts of America, they mail
the snake a notice to appear on a specified date for a status hearing.
The snake never responds and is promptly forgotten.
7. DEA - Initiates a Title 3 and an MLAT investigation on the snake's
cell phone after discovering that the above-listed agencies have begun
an investigation on the snake. DEA spends $3 million to discover the
snake is not Colombian.
8. U.S. Attorney's Office - Declines prosecution out of "professional
courtesy."
9. USBP (Border Patrol) - Captures the snake. Their inability to
communicate with the snake results in a recruitment drive for snake
handlers. They take the snake back to the border (for the 40th time).
10. US Forestry Service - They have meeting after meeting. Management
wrings their hands and decide to deny any existence of the snake on
public lands. All agents are ordered to Washington to prevent any
sighting of the snake. All agents are ordered to refer to the snakes as
"legal reptiles."
11. Army MI - Produces a threat assessment about snakes and requests
Intelligence Oversight, JAG, SecArmy and DefDef and Congress for
approval to release to the intelligence and law enforcement community.
A year later permission is disapproved because snakes have no DoD nexus.
12. Local Sheriff's Office - Shoots the snake after driving over it
several times. The Deputy then puts the snake in a city Police Officer's
car while it is parked outside the nearest Krispy Kreme.
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT'S DONE[}:)][:(][xx(][V][:(!]
Snake" Within Their Jurisdiction:
1. FBI - Searches for, but cannot locate the snake. After the snake is
caught by local police, the FBI forms a Snake Task Force of 150 agents,
sets up a command center, holds a press conference, and takes credit for
capturing the snake. Upon taking credit, the impressive command post is
packed up and the FBI task force return to their office to await another
large event to take credit for. In the mean time, FBI management
requests 4,000 more agents to combat snake activity associated with
terrorism.
2. US Secret Service - Forms a protective ring of agents around the
snake and escorts it to a safe area.
3. ATF - Sends SRT team to arrest the snake. They expend all of their
ammo, then burn the forest down, killing everything else in the forest,
except the snake. At a Congressional inquiry, they make a presentation
of why additional funding is required to properly train agents to battle
the threat of snakes. The only questions asked by ATF management after
the operation is whether or not there was a proper operational plan in
place, if the plan was followed, and who can take the fall for anything
that went wrong.
4. TSA - Abiding by a Congressional ruling to prevent "profiling"
venomous snakes, the TSA makes random inspections. Venomous snakes are
regularly allowed to pass while TSA officials strip search a family of
squirrels.
5. IRS-CID - Performs an in-depth investigation of the snake and writes
a 100-page summary of why the snake should not be prosecuted. The
investigation is closed and all agents are out of the office by 4:30pm.
6. ICE - After obtaining permission from the BPA, CBP, FBI, FPS, IRS,
FINCEN, DEA, ATF, FAMS, FEMA, and the Girl Scouts of America, they mail
the snake a notice to appear on a specified date for a status hearing.
The snake never responds and is promptly forgotten.
7. DEA - Initiates a Title 3 and an MLAT investigation on the snake's
cell phone after discovering that the above-listed agencies have begun
an investigation on the snake. DEA spends $3 million to discover the
snake is not Colombian.
8. U.S. Attorney's Office - Declines prosecution out of "professional
courtesy."
9. USBP (Border Patrol) - Captures the snake. Their inability to
communicate with the snake results in a recruitment drive for snake
handlers. They take the snake back to the border (for the 40th time).
10. US Forestry Service - They have meeting after meeting. Management
wrings their hands and decide to deny any existence of the snake on
public lands. All agents are ordered to Washington to prevent any
sighting of the snake. All agents are ordered to refer to the snakes as
"legal reptiles."
11. Army MI - Produces a threat assessment about snakes and requests
Intelligence Oversight, JAG, SecArmy and DefDef and Congress for
approval to release to the intelligence and law enforcement community.
A year later permission is disapproved because snakes have no DoD nexus.
12. Local Sheriff's Office - Shoots the snake after driving over it
several times. The Deputy then puts the snake in a city Police Officer's
car while it is parked outside the nearest Krispy Kreme.
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT'S DONE[}:)][:(][xx(][V][:(!]
0
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[:D][:D] That was horribly accurate. However, you left out one agency....the NAACP. Just in case it is a Black Snake. [:)][:)]
rider0 -
LOL....great post.
We have a bunch of USDA folks here that have dogs and hunt for snakes. They have cages that look like minnow traps with mice inside to catch the snakes, hung along our fence line.
We won't see a snake for along time and word will go out that they are going to pull funding for the USDA snake hunters......miraculously a snake appears near somebodies office and everyone forgets about pulling USDA's funding.
Nobody on Earth spends more on snake hunting than the USDA on Guam.
http://starbulletin.com/2007/03/30/news/story09.html0 -
[:D][:D] 0
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