Blonde Joke
Two factory workers, a man and a blonde, were talking.
"I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her. He climbed up to the rafters, and hung
upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the
ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
With a straight face the man answered, "I'm a light bulb."
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped
down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too and boss asked her where she
thought she was going.
"Home," she said, "I can't work in the dark."
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
"I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her. He climbed up to the rafters, and hung
upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the
ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
With a straight face the man answered, "I'm a light bulb."
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped
down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too and boss asked her where she
thought she was going.
"Home," she said, "I can't work in the dark."
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
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An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At ! the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."
If you want my guns you will have to kill me first. I was born free and to take that from me you better be ready to fight.0 -
This one has been around a few times, but just in case you missed it......
A very attractive blond from Dublin, Ireland arrived at the casino.
She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know . . . I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Irish are drunks
Not all blondes are dumb
But all men........are men.0 -
A blonde was talking to her best friend. She said, "I've got a date next week with the most handsome, smartest guy ever. I need to make a good impression or he'll never ask me out a second time. What can I do?"
Her friend said, "Well, you really don't have enough time, but if you work very hard all week, maybe you can do this. Learn all your states and capitals, and he'll think you are sooo smart."
The blonde agreed, and studied day and night for almost a week. She told her friend she was ready. The friend doubted she was, and said so. The blonde said, "I really am! Ask me a few and you'll see!"
The friend said, "Ok, what's the capital of Georgia?"
The blonde said, "That's way too easy. Ask me a harder one!"
The friend said, "Ok, if you insist. What's the capital of Montana?"
The blonde, beaming with pride, said, "M."0 -
Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can
remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent,"
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately prostate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words,"I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately prostate themselves; beg for her
forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blond, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the Auburn University, Auburn, Alabama and I just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
There are no bad guns, only bad people.0 -
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok.
She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS. [;)]0 -
The Blonde's New Present
>
> A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for
> their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone.
>
> She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her
> all the features on the phone.
>
> The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her
> husband.
>
> "Hi hon," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"
>
> She replies, "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell
> but there's one thing I don't understand though."
>
> "What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
>
> "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
"Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, not liberty to purchase power."
Benjamin Franklin, 1785
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Two blondes walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and chearing, "51 days! 51 days!!"
About five minutes later, another blonde walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the chearing.
Finally, another blonde walkes in with what looks like a cardboard picture. She puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts chearing with the others, "51 days! 51 days!!
The Bar Tender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Cookie Monster puzzle.
He walks over to one of the blondes and asks, "What on earth are you doing??"
"Well," the blonde says, "everyone thinks blondes are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!0 -
Jay and his blonde wife live in Chicago. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out. Jay's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do." Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the premier gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord!0 -
Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''0 -
BLONDE on the Way to Houston......
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELL THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE! REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS.
I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH ,I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASK HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON"0 -
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up
with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my Boobs. I can splash it on my
eyes." [:D]0 -
A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off,
to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there,
she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she
didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached
home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened?
She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers are crazy!
They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"0 -
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little
red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who
was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the
blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was
getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look
like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's
square and it has your picture on it.' The driver finally
found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is, 'she said. The
blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back
saying,
'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'0 -
A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more; they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."
The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important."
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion." [:I][:I]
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.0 -
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.0 -
Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year . . . namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him)
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He didn't call back.
Guess I won that stupid argument.0 -
Two blondes are standing in the woods staring at tracks:
First blonde "Those are deer tracks"
Second blonde " No no those are bear tracks"
Just then they are both run over by a train![:D]0 -
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the
family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years,
they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the
bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase
a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon
leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get
there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to
drive out after me and haul it home.'
The Brunette arrives at the mans ranch, inspects the bull
and decides to buy it. The man tells her that he will
sell it for $599 no less. After paying him, she drives
to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell
her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office and says I want to
send a telegram to my sister telling her that I bought a
bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to
our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it
home. The telegraph operator explains that he'll be
happy to help her out, and then adds that it will be
0.99 cents a word, she realizes that after paying for
the bull she only had a dollar left, she would only be
able to send her sister one word, she thinks for a minute
and nods her head and says I want to send my sister the
word "comfortable".
The telegraph operator says how is she going to know that
you want her to hitch the trailer up to the truck and come
and pick you up with the word comfortable? The brunette
explains my sister is a blonde the word's big so she'll
read it slow (COM-FOR-DA-BUL).0 -
[8D]
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate their college graduation. They then get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, I just graduated from Brigham Young University and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering. I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.0 -
What'ss the difference between a blond and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it!!!!!!
Remember, it's only a joke!!!!0 -
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches,,, 0 -
quote:What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches,,,
[:0][:0][:D] Dang, I had to say that out loud to get it!0 -
Husband is on the couch reading the paper.
Blond wife walks in the door holding in each hand two steaming piles of dog doo doo and says, "WHOA! Look what I almost stepped in!!"0
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