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Texas Humor

TooBig
TEXAS HUMOR

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided that they must marry right away.

She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."

He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."

So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool, when
he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, followed by a three rotations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, "That was incredible!"

He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about fifty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, hardly out of breath.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Brownsville , Texas and I worked both sides of the Rio Grande
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Date Votes
  • TooBig
    Two Texans were sitting on a plane to Dallas with them an old Jewish Texans is sitting between them. The first Texan says my name is Roger. I own 250,000 arces.I have 1000 head of cattle they call my place The Jolly Rogers". The second Texan says my name is John.I own 2 million arces. I have 5000 head of cattle they call my place Big Johns". They both look down at the Jewish man who says my name is Irving I own 500 arces". Rogers looks down at him and says' 500 arces what do you raise? "NOTINK" he says.Well then, what do you call?" Asked John. "DOWNTOWN DALLAS"
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  • TooBig
    Two businessmen in New York City are sitting down
    for a break in their soon-to-be opened new store. As
    yet, the store wasn't ready. Only a few shelves are
    set up and nothing was yet on display.

    One says to the other, 'I bet any minute now some
    stupid tourist is going to walk by, look in the
    window, stick his face in the door, and ask what
    we're selling.'

    No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure
    enough, a curious gentleman walks to the window, has a
    peek, sticks his head in the door and in a Texan drawl
    asks, 'What're y'all sellin' here?'

    One of the men replies, 'Oh! We're selling azzholes
    here'

    Without skipping a beat, the Texan says, 'Well, I
    see y'all're doing real good; you only got two left!'

    NEW YORKERS SHOULD NOT MESS WITH TEXANS
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  • TooBig
    A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush's home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

    As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

    Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

    "Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

    "Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's a$$?"

    "No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's a$$."

    "That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

    After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."

    Black Jack [8D][:D][8D]
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  • The Dutchman
    [:D][:D]
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  • savage170
    [:D][:D]
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  • HandgunHTR52
    That was funny![:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]
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