Top Michigan Football Recruits
Brief summaries concerning the top football recruits for the University of Michigan next year:
Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from
Detroit in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in
his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most "you knows" during an
interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state high school
scoring record in the state of Florida. Also led th! e state in burglaries, but has only
9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with
a 19" TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Peoria ,
Illinois . Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well. Before he
signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse
and pink. Listed his church preference as "red brick."
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8", 310 lbs Tackle. From a 4th ! generation
welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims Woodrow
and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending but
feels he will be found innocent because: "The dude said something bad 'bout my
Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. As 20-20.
Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak
train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the "N" on
Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this school's
stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing number 32 jersey since it
matches his score on his College Entrance Exam.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending
paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will
file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other
colleges but was also willing to sign with us. Likes wild women and red
Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball
under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion. Abdul thinks
Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville. Doesn't know the meaning
of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from
Detroit in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in
his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most "you knows" during an
interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state high school
scoring record in the state of Florida. Also led th! e state in burglaries, but has only
9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with
a 19" TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Peoria ,
Illinois . Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well. Before he
signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse
and pink. Listed his church preference as "red brick."
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8", 310 lbs Tackle. From a 4th ! generation
welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims Woodrow
and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending but
feels he will be found innocent because: "The dude said something bad 'bout my
Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. As 20-20.
Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak
train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the "N" on
Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this school's
stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing number 32 jersey since it
matches his score on his College Entrance Exam.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending
paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will
file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other
colleges but was also willing to sign with us. Likes wild women and red
Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball
under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion. Abdul thinks
Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville. Doesn't know the meaning
of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
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is that for real ? cause nowadays it wouldnt surprise me at all 0
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