Letter from the Godson in Iraq.
Please keep Sgt. Dan Shea USMC in your prayers. I know some of this might be a little offensive to those who have never served in a combat zone, but for those who have, you will see the humor. I'm sure if it's too offensive, David, Frank or Eric will poof it and we'll be done with it. Meanwhile, I hope those who can enjoy some of the memories.
Hey Family,
Nothin' terribly exciting going on, just sittin' at an observation post in the dead of the summer. That's all. Just sweating, and drinking water, and sweating. My track is awesome, I use a pirate flag for shade. Any who, looks like we should be pulling out pretty soon, it's ***. **th today and the retrograde is around the **** so woo hoo, almost done. I've decided I'm bad at writing letters so I will note all noteworthy items in bullet form.
I met that Chaplain, he's like 90 and was very excited to see me. I was unhappy. I was asleep (during the day, so I was also grumpy) so expect bad pictures from him.
I have tried to barter one of my crewmen for an AK47. Superiors not amused.
I grew a moustache, simply to have one.
Said moustache did not stay clean, invaded my upper lip's territory and was soon shaved off.
I stopped changing any clothes (except socks), Laundry is hard to do in a sandstorm and I've stopped recognizing scents.
We all ran out of lighters, so we decided to make sure the local shop owners were not the Mooj.
I now have about 30 lighters (and about 10 cases of Hadji equivalent to RC Cola).
My crewman made me mad, so I made him burn the shi**ers. He came back scarred for life because he burned the females' only one. Girls apparently do poop. That myth is destroyed.
I retract my previous statement about not recognizing scents, combat shi**ers are gross.
I had to give back my claymore. SSgt was afraid I'd put it in someone's car. He's smarter than I thought. HaHa.
What SSgt doesn't know is I still have a couple of frags, a stun grenade and an incendiary grenade. I win.
I have special orders to apprehend and impound the next motorcycle I see. SSgt wants riding lessons.
I have deemed my turret a veritable tree house and have since made a sign declaring "No Girls." One of my crewman can't go in there any more.
One of our Humvees is armed with a black broomstick handle. We are ghetto.
One of the grunt platoons got a package full of old people's prescription sunglasses. All but one pair was thrown away, and then shortly after I was "informed" that pink/sequined old lady glasses aren't proper eye protection.
Small Hadji kids will beat the crap out of each other if you hold up a soccer ball. What's even funnier is driving away with the soccer ball.
While in the air conditioned hooch, myself and the 2 other Sgts decided a fun competition would be to see if we could keep our flak jackets on 24/7 until we returned back to the hooch (6 days).
Said competition lasted about 6 hours, and I think I lost a few brain cells.
You can make coffee using the top of a vehicle as a stove.
You can put peanut butter in a cheese tortellini MRE. Sadly, it doesn't make it better or worse, just different.
It's amazing how poorly HQ keeps track of their rocket launchers. I gave that back on my own accord. AT-4's are hard to hide.
Making MRE bombs in glass bottles is both funny and dangerous. Appropriate safety measures need to be taken.
Officers do not find shower parties as amusing as we do.
Camel spiders are both agile and fast, they are also..... Ugly, Noisy, Plentiful, Large, Small (mostly Large) and mostly scary. I do not approve of camel spiders. They gave me the hate.
Okay, gonna get this in the out box. Sorry it's not longer. All is well and I love you guys mucho! I'm sending smelly Hadji money. Gross.
XOXO
Hey Family,
Nothin' terribly exciting going on, just sittin' at an observation post in the dead of the summer. That's all. Just sweating, and drinking water, and sweating. My track is awesome, I use a pirate flag for shade. Any who, looks like we should be pulling out pretty soon, it's ***. **th today and the retrograde is around the **** so woo hoo, almost done. I've decided I'm bad at writing letters so I will note all noteworthy items in bullet form.
I met that Chaplain, he's like 90 and was very excited to see me. I was unhappy. I was asleep (during the day, so I was also grumpy) so expect bad pictures from him.
I have tried to barter one of my crewmen for an AK47. Superiors not amused.
I grew a moustache, simply to have one.
Said moustache did not stay clean, invaded my upper lip's territory and was soon shaved off.
I stopped changing any clothes (except socks), Laundry is hard to do in a sandstorm and I've stopped recognizing scents.
We all ran out of lighters, so we decided to make sure the local shop owners were not the Mooj.
I now have about 30 lighters (and about 10 cases of Hadji equivalent to RC Cola).
My crewman made me mad, so I made him burn the shi**ers. He came back scarred for life because he burned the females' only one. Girls apparently do poop. That myth is destroyed.
I retract my previous statement about not recognizing scents, combat shi**ers are gross.
I had to give back my claymore. SSgt was afraid I'd put it in someone's car. He's smarter than I thought. HaHa.
What SSgt doesn't know is I still have a couple of frags, a stun grenade and an incendiary grenade. I win.
I have special orders to apprehend and impound the next motorcycle I see. SSgt wants riding lessons.
I have deemed my turret a veritable tree house and have since made a sign declaring "No Girls." One of my crewman can't go in there any more.
One of our Humvees is armed with a black broomstick handle. We are ghetto.
One of the grunt platoons got a package full of old people's prescription sunglasses. All but one pair was thrown away, and then shortly after I was "informed" that pink/sequined old lady glasses aren't proper eye protection.
Small Hadji kids will beat the crap out of each other if you hold up a soccer ball. What's even funnier is driving away with the soccer ball.
While in the air conditioned hooch, myself and the 2 other Sgts decided a fun competition would be to see if we could keep our flak jackets on 24/7 until we returned back to the hooch (6 days).
Said competition lasted about 6 hours, and I think I lost a few brain cells.
You can make coffee using the top of a vehicle as a stove.
You can put peanut butter in a cheese tortellini MRE. Sadly, it doesn't make it better or worse, just different.
It's amazing how poorly HQ keeps track of their rocket launchers. I gave that back on my own accord. AT-4's are hard to hide.
Making MRE bombs in glass bottles is both funny and dangerous. Appropriate safety measures need to be taken.
Officers do not find shower parties as amusing as we do.
Camel spiders are both agile and fast, they are also..... Ugly, Noisy, Plentiful, Large, Small (mostly Large) and mostly scary. I do not approve of camel spiders. They gave me the hate.
Okay, gonna get this in the out box. Sorry it's not longer. All is well and I love you guys mucho! I'm sending smelly Hadji money. Gross.
XOXO
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Nothing offensive at all. Actually it was one of the best letters I've read in a long time. 0 -
Thanks for sharing dheff![^][:D][8D] 0 -
thanks for sharing heff.
Ben0 -
Nothing that offends me!
Hope he gets back safely,.....and I thank him, for doing his job.[;)]0 -
I hope he and all in that HELL HOLE makes it home with little problems, and injuries. 0 -
Thanks for sharing. Really. 0 -
that is an amazing letter! The cleaning crew at work is wondering why i was laughing so hard! 0 -
Best post I read all day, thanks for sharing!
Don0 -
Good stuff. Thanks heff. 0 -
Thanks much. Makes me wanna go back. 0 -
Thanks for sharing Danny.[8D] 0 -
Thank you, and thank him.
Tell him that I appreciate his service so much that he is welcome to spend some time at my place. That other hellhole called OryGun.
Doug0 -
dheffley--Thank you for sharing. 0
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