Joke
sorry no time take the >> out.
Hello?"
>>"Hi honey. This is Daddy.Is Mommy near the phone?"
>>"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle
>>Paul."
>>After a brief pause,
>>Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
>>Paul."
>>"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with
>>Mommy, right now."
>>Brief Pause.
>>"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put
>>the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on
>>the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car
>>just pulled into the driveway."
>>"Okay, Daddy, just a minute."
>>A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the
>>phone.
>>"I did it, Daddy."
>>"And what happened, honey?" he asked.
>>"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with
>>no clothes on, then she ran around screaming. Then
>>she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
>>and now she isn't moving at all!"
>>"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
>>"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He
>>was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
>>and into the swimming
>>pool. I guess he didn't know that you took out the
>>water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the
>>pool and I think he's dead."
>>***Long Pause***
>>
>>***Longer Pause***
>>***Even Longer Pause***
>>
>>Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?............Is this 486-5731?"
Hello?"
>>"Hi honey. This is Daddy.Is Mommy near the phone?"
>>"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle
>>Paul."
>>After a brief pause,
>>Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
>>Paul."
>>"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with
>>Mommy, right now."
>>Brief Pause.
>>"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put
>>the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on
>>the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car
>>just pulled into the driveway."
>>"Okay, Daddy, just a minute."
>>A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the
>>phone.
>>"I did it, Daddy."
>>"And what happened, honey?" he asked.
>>"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with
>>no clothes on, then she ran around screaming. Then
>>she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
>>and now she isn't moving at all!"
>>"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
>>"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He
>>was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
>>and into the swimming
>>pool. I guess he didn't know that you took out the
>>water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the
>>pool and I think he's dead."
>>***Long Pause***
>>
>>***Longer Pause***
>>***Even Longer Pause***
>>
>>Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?............Is this 486-5731?"
0
-
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.'
The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.' The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.
He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Roster is squalking and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, 'Dammit..... third gay rooster I bought this month.' Moral of this story? Don't mess with the < B>THE OLDER GENERATION age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!0 -
Salaam alaikum,
Here's a good one. No offence to anyone, ok?
A man dashes into the Pope's office, panting, gasping, and trying to speak all at once.
"What's the matter?" the Pope asks, offering the man a seat.
"Oh your Grace!" the man exclaims, flopping on the chair. "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
"Give me the good news," the Pope says.
"Oh your Grace! JESUS is on the phone and he wants to speak to you!" the panting man exclaims.
"Praise the Lord!" the jubilant Pope replies, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
"Your Grace, he's calling from Mecca!" [:D][}:)]
[:D]0 -
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a Chicago Park when a crazed Rottweiler suddenly attacks one of the boys. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it and breaks the dog's neck, saving his friend.
A reporter is standing by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Young Cub Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Cubs fan," the little boy replies. "Sorry, but since we're in Chicago, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and starts writing again.
"Sox Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he writes in his notebook. "But I'm not a Sox fan either," the little boy replies. "Sorry, but since we're in Chicago and you aren't a Cubs fan, I just assumed you had to be a Sox," says the reporter and starts writing again.
"Bears Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he writes in his notebook. "I'm not a Bears fan either," says the boy. "Oh... I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the Cubs, Sox or Bears. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Colts fan," the boy replies. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:
"Little punk From Indiana Kills Beloved Family Pet!"0 -
A dung beetle goes into a bar and asks the bartender "Is this stool taken?"
Pa rum pum...0 -
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining
about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out
plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the
field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and
began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him
again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen
for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner
approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in
disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the
old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him
why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his
head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my
head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."0 -
One day a woman was out selling air freshener. She walks around the city lookin for office buildings and she finds one that is about 100 stories tall. She went in and got on the elevator, she decided to go up to the top floor. When the door closed the elevator took off and gave her a good jolt, she suddenly farted. Embarrassed by her loss of control she decided to cover the horrible smell with her air freshner products. She dug around in her bag and chose to use a pine fresh scent, so she sprays the inside of elevator while she is going up. Somewhere around the 30th floor the elevator stops and an elderly man gets on . She being unsure of air freshner success decides to have a chat with the man. She asks him if he noticed the fresh smell in the elevator when he got on. The man stood straight up, took in a deep breath, thought for a minute or two and tells her " Mam, it smells like someone fooey a pine tree"!
"Keep turnin to the RIGHT"0 -
AS A MOM PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE
BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN.
OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL
WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR.
SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?"
THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: "MOM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND
THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND!
PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."
THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR.
UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE
TO HER VIBRATOR.
TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID: "DAD I'M
THIRTY- FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER
GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."
A COUPLE DAYS LATER, MOM CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED THE
GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, AND HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING
FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM.
SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH,
DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM
ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.
THE WIFE ASKED: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
THE HUSBAND REPLIED: "I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW0 -
First Irish Farmer:"my cow fell down a hole and i had to shoot it." Second Farmer: Did you shoot it in the hole?" First Irish Farmer: "Nope.....in the head" 0 -
When I say I'm broke... I'm broke
cid:1.885105893@web113606.mail.gq1.yahoo.com
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted
by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time,
I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners..."
''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!''
and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open...
''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.''
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"Now if this vaccum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure
from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork,
'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."0 -
A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States .. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, 'Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!'
The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.'
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ' Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !'
The person says, 'I not American, I Vietnamese.'
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you f or the wonderful America !'
That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East , I am not American!'
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an American?'
She says , 'No, I am from Africa !'
Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Americans?'
The African lady checks her watch and says...'Probably at work!'0 -
quote:
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to"
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir ... but ... I've always wanted to"
There are a few lessons for all of us here:
* D on't be arrogant.
* D on't waste ammunition.
* Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
* Always make sure you know who is in control.
* And finally, Don't screw around with us old farts;
we didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?!0 -
A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a
turban, who was eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her
to deflect it.
Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that,
you stupid Catholic b---h."
She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers,
you'll get 10 years, you towel headed camel-humper."0 -
Whats the difference between Bachman and Mrs Obama?
Playboy and national geographic.[:0]0 -
Three men were playing a round of golf one day when the topic of their sons came up. One of the men said, "My son lives in South Florida and is in real estate. He is doing great. In fact, he is doing so well that he recently bought a house for one of his friends. I couldn't be more proud of him." The second man said, "My son is also living in South Florida and doing well. He is an investment banker and recently bought a friend of his a BMW. He is all I ever wanted him to turn out to be."
The third man didn't say anything. The first man asked about his son. He replied, "Well, I don't know if you are aware of it or not, but my son is gay. But I guess he is happy. He has met some great friends at some clubs. In fact, one of his friends has recently given him a home to live in and another friend has purchased him a BMW."0 -
About those Church Hymns
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach.
Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out "CROSS."
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."
The pastor hollered out "GRACE." The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."
The pastor said "POWER."
The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."
The Pastor said "SEX" The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church,
a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."0 -
One day in the future, Barack
Obama has a heart-attack and
dies.
He immediately goes to hell,
where the devil is waiting for
him.
"I don't know what to do here,"
says the devil. "You are on my
list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here,
so I'll tell you what I'm going to
do. I've got a couple of folks here
who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you
have to take their place. I'll even
let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded
pretty good, so the devil opened
the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a
large pool of water. Ted kept
diving in, and surfacing, empty
handed. Over, and over, and
over he dived in and surfaced
with nothing. Such was his fate
in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think
so. I'm not a good swimmer, and
I don't think I could do that all
day long."
The devil led him to the door of
the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-
hammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer,
time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got
this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if
all I could do was break rocks
all day," commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door.
Through it, Obama saw Bill
Clinton, lying on the bed, his
arms tied over his head, and his
legs restrained in a spread-eagle
pose. Bent over him was Monica
Lewinsky, doing what she does
best.
Obama looked at this in shocked
disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah
man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
(This is priceless...)
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."0 -
*Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.*
**
*Sleeping Beauty said, 'I believe myself to be the most beautiful
girl in the world.'*
**
*Tom Thumb said, 'I must be the smallest person in the world.'*
**
*Quasimodo said, 'I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person
in the world.'*
**
*So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to
have their claims verified.*
**
*Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously
happy. 'It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world.'*
**
*Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, 'I am now officially
the smallest person in the world.'*
**
*Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and
said: 'Who is Rosie O'Donnell ?'*0 -
Priest was hanging a picture on the wall and hit his thumb with the hammer, "Damn it" he hollered, the Nun heard him and said Father, you know that if you talk like that God will strike you with lightning. The father swung the hammer again , again hitting his thumb, "Damn it" he hollered, all at once a bolt of lightning shot through the roof, and missing the Father, hit and destroyed the organ,, out of the sky came this voice "Damn it I missed again" 
0 -
A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in
Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a
bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own
bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.
"Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the
obviously young lass was disrobing.
"Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile.
"Thirteen??? My God, girl!!! You get those clothes back on at
once at get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?" he thundered.
Pausing briefly at the door, the perplexed nymphet smiled and
said, "Superstitious, huh?"
[:D][:)][:p][8D][;)][:D]
ATF0 -
I had to clean it up a little.....
Whores & Hockey Players.
A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The
very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads
of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says
he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,
"Some " A hole" wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right
behind him, So he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy
the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the
manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself
out of that situation earlier.
We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
'Canada, sir,' the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada ?" the manager asked.
The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there.'
'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Canada '
'No " Sttt?" replied the boy.
'Who'd she play for?'
[:D]0 -
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida everglades while
on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in
the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well then, maybe I'll
just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, 'Well little lady, why don't you
go on and give it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined
to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving
>> home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky
water, shotgun in hand. As he grinds his car to a stop, he sees a huge
9-foot gator swim ming r apidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the
blond takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery
bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The
shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde
struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling
her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration: ' WELL CRAP ! THIS
ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!'0 -
The husband was getting his underwear out of his drawer. He asked his wife, "Honey why did you put powder in my underwear? His wife replied, "That's not powder, that's Miracle Gro"
"Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, not liberty to purchase power."
Benjamin Franklin, 17850 -
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it.
The Arab said, "My thirst is killing me. Please do you have water?". The Jew replied "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes". The Arab shouted, "Idiot! I do not need your overpriced tie. I need water!"
"OK" said the old Jew, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about 4 miles you will find a very nice restaurant. Go! Walf that way. THe restaurant has all the water you can drink."
The Arab staggered away toward the hill and disappeared. Eight hours later the Arab came crawling back to the Jewish mans table. The Jew said "I told you the restaurant with the water is over the hill. Could you not find it?"
"I found it" the Aarab rasped "But your brother wouldn't let me in without a tie!" Gunn Landry
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference...The Marines don't have that problem" Ronald Reagan0 -
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady waddled into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous and stacked 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
'Go get your Mother'0 -
Never fear, the annointed one is back home. [xx(][8] 0 -
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of his body.
The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a grisly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "from the tip of my weenie to my
testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back.
Oh Man!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied...
"Vietnam."0 -
Having reached the age of 65, I went to apply for Social Security
last week.
After waiting in line for a very long time, I finally got to the counter.
The woman there asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
looked in my pockets and realized, to my great dismay, that I had left my
wallet on the night stand in my bedroom. I told the lady that I was very sorry,
but I seemed to have left my wallet at home.
"I'll have to go get it and come back later," I said.
At that point, she said to me, "Unbutton your shirt."
I was confused, but I opened my shirt, revealing lots of curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and,
with that, she promptly processed my application.
When I got home, I couldn't wait to tell my wife about my experience at
the Social Security Office. She listened to the whole story and then
said, "You should have dropped your pants . . . you might have gotten
disability, too."
Larry0 -
Two little potatoes are standing
on the street corner. One is a
prostitute.
How can you tell which one is the prostitute?
You're gonna love it...
It's the one with the little sticker that says...
I - DA - HO0 -
a farmer walked into a bar,ordered a beer ,got a smoke out but had no lighter. the bartend gave him one from a huge lighter behind the counter. the farmer ask where he got that lighter? the bartend answered,from the genie in that bottle over there. the farmer picked the bottle up and out popped the genie,sayingyou have 1 wish. the farmer replied i want a million bucks.the genie said go home and find your wish.the farmer drove as fast as he could and when he arrived home he seen a million white ducks all over his farm,he turned around and went back to town and told the bartend ,hey , i said a million bucks not ducks. the bartend said ,you don't think i ask for a 12 inch bic do ya[:D] 0 -
Preacher gets wound up and goes on and on about marriage is"Between one man and one woman." Quotes scripture and civil law "One man and one woman." Finally old woman speaks up from back pew. "I don't know how anyone in their right mind would want more than one." 0
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