The Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist."
That's when the proctologist fainted
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist."
That's when the proctologist fainted
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Paddy McFarland's best bud, his dog Argyle, dies and Paddy wants a fitting send off for his best friend. So, Paddy goes to St. Brigid's Church and asks Father O'Hanlon about arranging for a funeral Mass and service for Argyle.
Father O'Hanlon says, "Paddy, Paddy, Paddy... We don't do no funerals for any animals here in this church. maybe ya want to go down the road to the Baptists and ask them if they'll be favoring to have a service for your dog.
A bit disappointed, Paddy tells the priest, "Saints preserve us, Father, but I was willin' to give $5,000 to the church for me dog's funeral. Will them Baptist fellas do it for that little?
Father O'Hanlon snapped back "$5,000! $5,000! Ya willin' to give the church that much? Why of course we'll have a funeral! Ya never told me your friend was a Catholic!" [:0][:D]0 -
Either she is a great actress, feeling a lot of guilt, or the death of Ronnie has sunk in.
She fell apart at the funeral. I hope what I saw was the real her not an act, and I think it was. I think now she had just become numb to his terminal illness and was shutting down emotionally to protect herself.
She told me she thought she was ready for him to die, but seeing him in the coffin proved she wasn't.0 -
As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave side service in a new cemetery for a derelict man with no family or friends who had died while traveling through the area.
The funeral was to be held way back in the country. This man would be the first to be laid to rest at this new cemetery.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost. Being the typical man I didn't stop for directions.
But when I finally arrived an hour late, I saw a crew and
a backhoe, but the hearse was no where in sight. The workmen were eating lunch. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, (who looked puzzled). I stepped to the side of the open grave, to find the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them long, but this was the proper thing to do.
As the workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen,. Praise the Lord and Glory!! (they must have been Baptist). I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before. I began from Genesis all the way to Revelation.
I preached for two hours and 45 minutes straight. It was a long and lengthy service. I closed in prayer and it was finished.
As I was walking to my car, I felt that I had done my duty and I would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of my tardiness. This man would rest in his peace.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat. I overheard one of the workers saying to another. " Man!! I've been putting in these
here septic tanks for nigh on to 20 years now, and I ain't NEVER seen
anything like that before!!" [:D][:D]
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. Martin Luther King
volenti non fit injuria0 -
[:D][:D][:D] 0 -
This oughta stir it up a little. Oh wait it the muslins that offend easilly, ain't it??? 0 -
quote:Originally posted by tobefree
This oughta stir it up a little. Oh wait it the muslins that offend easilly, ain't it???
GOD knows Christians around here have thick skin. [:p]0 -
as a mickey i found it not only funny but true![:D] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by Gotteskrieger
as a mickey i found it not only funny but true![:D]
I found it humorous,[:D] I don't know what a "mickey" is please enlighten. [?]0 -
a mick was an irish catholic. a long time ago it was considered a serious slur to call someone a mick or mickey. now no big deal. 0
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