Lefty Lib Jokes...
quote:How many liberal professors can you get into a VW van?
9 if they squeeze in really tight, 37 if you use a woodchipper.
quote:Q: How did Bill and Hilary meet in HS?
A: They were dating the same girl.
quote:If a tree fell in the forest, and a conservative wasn't around, would it still kill the liberal chained to it?
quote:Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a liberal?
A: There's skid marks before the skunk.
quote:Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you keep a Liberal busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.
Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome
Q: How do you get a one-armed Liberal out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Democrats.
Q: What is foreplay for a Democrat?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What is the Democrat doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the Liberal have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
A Democrat found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.
Q: What the difference between a Democrat and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.
Q: How is a Liberal different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.
Q: Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.?
A: It's the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Democrat parade.
Q: What is it called when a Liberal blows in another Liberal's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Why don't they let Liberals swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Democrat.
Q: What's the difference between a Liberal and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.
Q: What's the definition of a Democrat running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.
Q: What's the difference between God and a Democrat?
A: God knows He's not a Democrat.
...NOW here is a paradox! The very people they vote for, are working overtime to deprive them of their guns!
9 if they squeeze in really tight, 37 if you use a woodchipper.
quote:Q: How did Bill and Hilary meet in HS?
A: They were dating the same girl.
quote:If a tree fell in the forest, and a conservative wasn't around, would it still kill the liberal chained to it?
quote:Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a liberal?
A: There's skid marks before the skunk.
quote:Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you keep a Liberal busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.
Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome
Q: How do you get a one-armed Liberal out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Democrats.
Q: What is foreplay for a Democrat?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What is the Democrat doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the Liberal have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
A Democrat found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.
Q: What the difference between a Democrat and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.
Q: How is a Liberal different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.
Q: Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.?
A: It's the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Democrat parade.
Q: What is it called when a Liberal blows in another Liberal's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Why don't they let Liberals swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Democrat.
Q: What's the difference between a Liberal and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.
Q: What's the definition of a Democrat running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.
Q: What's the difference between God and a Democrat?
A: God knows He's not a Democrat.
...NOW here is a paradox! The very people they vote for, are working overtime to deprive them of their guns!
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