2007 Darwin Awards
2007 Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD
WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD
WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
0
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And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwins are
awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner,
thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.
This years nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was
trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a
friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that
he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught
on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive
shaft".
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed,
he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special,
which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24
floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the
courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he
was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law
students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength
according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm
Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of t
he best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent
several years awaiting South Carolinas electric chair on a murder
conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set,
he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A
Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle
loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face,
sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents
rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was
cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He
was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment
in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan
Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said
Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the
chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff
County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight
Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of
Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had
burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that
the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box
next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the
headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on
eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After Traveling Approximately 20
miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently
overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles.
The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a
tree Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but
will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles,
which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle
and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when
Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis "
I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a
first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident
happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's
wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them
from the truck???
(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as
normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that
Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)0 -
The last one at least is Urban Legend and has been around for several years. It is a great story and complete fiction. Likely all of these are apocryphal.
Yep, the 2007 awards are not out yet: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/0 -
quote:Originally posted by He Dog
The last one at least is Urban Legend and has been around for several years. It is a great story and complete fiction. Likely all of these are apocryphal.
Yep, the 2007 awards are not out yet: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/
apocryphal? [:0][:0] He Dog! Don't make me ask one of my granddaughters what this means.....at least not until I've had my second cup of coffee for craps sake. [}:)][;)]
rider0 -
a?poc?ry?phal /#601;#712;p#594;kr#601;f#601;l/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh-pok-ruh-fuhl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
-adjective 1. of doubtful authorship or authenticity.
2. Ecclesiastical. a. (initial capital letter) of or pertaining to the Apocrypha.
b. of doubtful sanction; uncanonical.
3. false; spurious: He told an apocryphal story about the sword, but the truth was later revealed.0 -
These are old ones - been around for years. But still funny.
Here's the official site:
http://www.darwinawards.com/0 -
Most genteel of you Spryor, thanks. 0 -
I should have asked my granddaughters.......[}:)][;)]
rider0 -
[:D] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by rider
I should have asked my granddaughters.......[}:)][;)]
rider
I expect that will be true every single time you think of it Rider.[^]0 -
Saw those nuts on Mythbusters try the .22 in fusebox thing. It fired. But I don't believe the story has been proven about anyone being injured. I wouldn't try that anyhow, even if I had never heard the story. 0
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