Oldie but a Goodie
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Marine Corp's General Reinwald was interviewed on
> the radio the other day
> and you have to read his reply to the lady who
> interviewed him concerning
> guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about
> gun laws you gotta love
> this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of
> all time. It is a portion
> of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a
> female broadcaster and US
> Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to
> sponsor a Boy Scout Troop
> visiting his military installation.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what
> things are you going to teach
> these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL
> REINWALD: We're going to
> teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and
> shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
> Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
> GENERAL REINWALD: I don't
> see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle
> range. FEMALE
> INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly
> dangerous activity to
> be teaching children? GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see
> how. We will be teaching
> them proper rifle discipline before they even touch
> a firearm. FEMALE
> INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become
> violent killers. GENERAL
> REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute,
> but you're not one, are
> you?
>
> The radio went silent and the interview ended.0 -
Take down the feeder........
I bought a bird feeder. I hung
it on my back porch and filled
it with seed. What a beauty of
a bird feeder it is, as I filled it
lovingly with seed. Within a
week we had hundreds of birds
taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and
easily accessible food.
But then the birds started
building nests in the boards
of the patio, above the table,
and next to the barbecue.
Then came the poop. It was
everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table .
everywhere!
Then some of the birds
turned mean. They would
dive bomb me and try to
peck me even though I had
fed them out of my own
pocket.
And others birds were
boisterous and loud. They
sat on the feeder and
squawked and screamed at
all hours of the day and night
and demanded that I fill it
when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn't even
sit on my own back porch
anymore. So I took down the
bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned
up their mess and took down
the many nests they had built
all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like
it used to be.... quiet, serene
and no one demanding their
rights to a free meal.
Now let's see.
Our government gives out
free food, subsidized housing,
free medical care, and free
education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic
citizen.
Then the illegals came by the
tens of thousands. Suddenly
our taxes went up to pay for
free services; small apartments
are housing 5 families; you
have to wait 6 hours to be seen
by an emergency room doctor;
your child's 2nd grade class is
behind other schools because
over half the class doesn't speak
English.
Corn Flakes now come in a
bilingual box; I have to
'press one' to hear my bank
talk to me in English, and
people waving flags other
than 'Old Glory' are
squawking and screaming
in the streets, demanding
more rights and free liberties.
Just my opinion, but maybe
it's time for the government
to take down the bird feeder.
If you agree, pass it on; if not,
continue cleaning up the poop!0 -
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee.
..
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field,
and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee .
We settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first.
I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."0 -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xu29F8NfRvI
not that I endorse the message, but it strikes a funny chord with me.[:D][:D]0 -
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about 6 months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, Hey old man, have you ever danced ? The old man looked at the young upstart and stated, No i never did dance, jes never took the notion. A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, Well you old fool, yer gonna dance now, and started shooting at the old mans feet! The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun, snickered again and turned to leave. The old man said nothing , reached up on his mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled back both hammers making a very audible double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun, his brow breaking into a sweat. The old man now with a wry grin on his face asked, Did you ever kiss a mules ass?? The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, Nope,but i always wanted to Sir. 0
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