"Ask Amy" adice columnist on self defence
...This was in the Chicago Tribune. My response letter follows.
Published February 15, 2007
Dear Amy: I am the mother of a 14-year-old girl. We are both smart, accomplished, athletic and attractive -- and she has always looked up to me.
I've stressed to her the importance of being strong and independent.
A couple of weeks ago, with my husband gone on a short business trip, my daughter and I went to the mall, and upon arriving home walked in on someone burglarizing our house.
My daughter shoved the man, and even though it was two-against-one, he was big and appeared ready to pummel her, so I went into protective mode, pulling my daughter back and telling him to take what he wanted and leave us alone.
He gagged and bound us hand and foot and left us on the floor. I felt a wave of relief that we hadn't been harmed. We struggled to get free but couldn't. My husband came back from his trip at around 3 a.m. and found us.
My daughter bore up well and didn't even shed a tear.
After we were untied, however, it quickly became apparent that my daughter was more than a bit peeved with me.
She felt that the two of us should have fought instead of allowing him to tie us up, and that my lectures on strength and independence were just hot air. I've lost much of her confidence and, even worse, I know that at age 14 I would have felt exactly as she does.
The fact that the police complimented me in front of her had little effect.
How can I begin to restore my daughter's faith in me?
-- Tied Up
Dear Tied Up: Your daughter's anger is completely natural, and she is pointing it toward the only person that 14-year-old girls know to blame for anything (including how their hair looks and the barometric pressure) -- Mom.
One of my favorite television shows is "Veronica Mars." Veronica is a plucky teenager who works with her father as a private investigator. One of the things I like most about the show is that the heroine spends a fair amount of time running -- away. She doesn't fight the bad guys because it simply isn't wise to do so.
The time to fight with all of your might is when someone is trying to take you to another location -- by forcing you into a vehicle, for instance. You and your daughter are proof that you did the right thing in this situation. How do you know this? You're still here. You need to help your daughter to focus her anger on the appropriate person -- the bad guy.
You should both see a therapist to work through this. You have been victims of a serious crime. You did the right thing. The police can tell you, and I can repeat it, but you (and she) must find a way to believe it.
Your response to "When to duke, when to duck with a burglar" is typical of the submissive, "let them have their way with me" advice that some rape counselors give. To voluntarily let yourself be bound and gagged is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You are giving the criminal the free option to rape, abduct and murder you.
Your statement that the mother and daughter did the right thing and stating that the proof of this is in the fact that they are still here, is indicative of one of the problems with people today: Don't take the initiative, let someone else decide what's best for us.
They had no idea what the burglar had in mind for them when they surprised him and literally threw themselves to his whims. If a man has a gun or knife to your head, that changes things. In that case, your options are limited. These folks never mentioned a weapon. They should have fought tooth and nail rather than submit to bondage. On the other hand, you advocate running away (if possible). Unless you, yourself are armed, yes, that is a good idea.
Published February 15, 2007
Dear Amy: I am the mother of a 14-year-old girl. We are both smart, accomplished, athletic and attractive -- and she has always looked up to me.
I've stressed to her the importance of being strong and independent.
A couple of weeks ago, with my husband gone on a short business trip, my daughter and I went to the mall, and upon arriving home walked in on someone burglarizing our house.
My daughter shoved the man, and even though it was two-against-one, he was big and appeared ready to pummel her, so I went into protective mode, pulling my daughter back and telling him to take what he wanted and leave us alone.
He gagged and bound us hand and foot and left us on the floor. I felt a wave of relief that we hadn't been harmed. We struggled to get free but couldn't. My husband came back from his trip at around 3 a.m. and found us.
My daughter bore up well and didn't even shed a tear.
After we were untied, however, it quickly became apparent that my daughter was more than a bit peeved with me.
She felt that the two of us should have fought instead of allowing him to tie us up, and that my lectures on strength and independence were just hot air. I've lost much of her confidence and, even worse, I know that at age 14 I would have felt exactly as she does.
The fact that the police complimented me in front of her had little effect.
How can I begin to restore my daughter's faith in me?
-- Tied Up
Dear Tied Up: Your daughter's anger is completely natural, and she is pointing it toward the only person that 14-year-old girls know to blame for anything (including how their hair looks and the barometric pressure) -- Mom.
One of my favorite television shows is "Veronica Mars." Veronica is a plucky teenager who works with her father as a private investigator. One of the things I like most about the show is that the heroine spends a fair amount of time running -- away. She doesn't fight the bad guys because it simply isn't wise to do so.
The time to fight with all of your might is when someone is trying to take you to another location -- by forcing you into a vehicle, for instance. You and your daughter are proof that you did the right thing in this situation. How do you know this? You're still here. You need to help your daughter to focus her anger on the appropriate person -- the bad guy.
You should both see a therapist to work through this. You have been victims of a serious crime. You did the right thing. The police can tell you, and I can repeat it, but you (and she) must find a way to believe it.
Your response to "When to duke, when to duck with a burglar" is typical of the submissive, "let them have their way with me" advice that some rape counselors give. To voluntarily let yourself be bound and gagged is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You are giving the criminal the free option to rape, abduct and murder you.
Your statement that the mother and daughter did the right thing and stating that the proof of this is in the fact that they are still here, is indicative of one of the problems with people today: Don't take the initiative, let someone else decide what's best for us.
They had no idea what the burglar had in mind for them when they surprised him and literally threw themselves to his whims. If a man has a gun or knife to your head, that changes things. In that case, your options are limited. These folks never mentioned a weapon. They should have fought tooth and nail rather than submit to bondage. On the other hand, you advocate running away (if possible). Unless you, yourself are armed, yes, that is a good idea.
0
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quote:Originally posted by tapwater
...This was in the Chicago Tribune. My response letter follows.
Published February 15, 2007
Dear Amy: I am the mother of a 14-year-old girl. We are both smart, accomplished, athletic and attractive -- and she has always looked up to me.
I've stressed to her the importance of being strong and independent.
A couple of weeks ago, with my husband gone on a short business trip, my daughter and I went to the mall, and upon arriving home walked in on someone burglarizing our house.
My daughter shoved the man, and even though it was two-against-one, he was big and appeared ready to pummel her, so I went into protective mode, pulling my daughter back and telling him to take what he wanted and leave us alone.
He gagged and bound us hand and foot and left us on the floor. I felt a wave of relief that we hadn't been harmed. We struggled to get free but couldn't. My husband came back from his trip at around 3 a.m. and found us.
My daughter bore up well and didn't even shed a tear.
After we were untied, however, it quickly became apparent that my daughter was more than a bit peeved with me.
She felt that the two of us should have fought instead of allowing him to tie us up, and that my lectures on strength and independence were just hot air. I've lost much of her confidence and, even worse, I know that at age 14 I would have felt exactly as she does.
The fact that the police complimented me in front of her had little effect.
How can I begin to restore my daughter's faith in me?
-- Tied Up
Dear Tied Up: Your daughter's anger is completely natural, and she is pointing it toward the only person that 14-year-old girls know to blame for anything (including how their hair looks and the barometric pressure) -- Mom.
One of my favorite television shows is "Veronica Mars." Veronica is a plucky teenager who works with her father as a private investigator. One of the things I like most about the show is that the heroine spends a fair amount of time running -- away. She doesn't fight the bad guys because it simply isn't wise to do so.
The time to fight with all of your might is when someone is trying to take you to another location -- by forcing you into a vehicle, for instance. You and your daughter are proof that you did the right thing in this situation. How do you know this? You're still here. You need to help your daughter to focus her anger on the appropriate person -- the bad guy.
You should both see a therapist to work through this. You have been victims of a serious crime. You did the right thing. The police can tell you, and I can repeat it, but you (and she) must find a way to believe it.
Your response to "When to duke, when to duck with a burglar" is typical of the submissive, "let them have their way with me" advice that some rape counselors give. To voluntarily let yourself be bound and gagged is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You are giving the criminal the free option to rape, abduct and murder you.
Your statement that the mother and daughter did the right thing and stating that the proof of this is in the fact that they are still here, is indicative of one of the problems with people today: Don't take the initiative, let someone else decide what's best for us.
They had no idea what the burglar had in mind for them when they surprised him and literally threw themselves to his whims. If a man has a gun or knife to your head, that changes things. In that case, your options are limited. These folks never mentioned a weapon. They should have fought tooth and nail rather than submit to bondage. On the other hand, you advocate running away (if possible). Unless you, yourself are armed, yes, that is a good idea.
Frankly, they're lucky they got off so easy. And, Amy is an idiot.0 -
amy should not be giving advice 0 -
Your letter was good, tap.
That mother is a typical city slicker liberal.
quote:....... so I went into protective mode, pulling my daughter back and telling him to take what he wanted and leave us alone.
This is not the protective mode. This is the mess yourself mode.0 -
quote:Originally posted by MT357
Your letter was good, tap.
That mother is a typical city slicker liberal.
quote:....... so I went into protective mode, pulling my daughter back and telling him to take what he wanted and leave us alone.
This is not the protective mode. This is the mess yourself mode.
Today's a good day for movie/tv quotes...
Blues Brothers
quote:Jake: How much for the little girl? The women? How much for the women?
Customer: What?
Jake: Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your children!
Customer: Matre d'! Matre d'!0 -
Blues Brothers
quote:Jake: How much for the little girl? The women? How much for the women?
Customer: What?
Jake: Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your children!
Customer: Matre d'! Matre d'!
[/quote]
Spanielsells, Always one of my favorite quotes.
Tapwater, I thought your showed great restraint in your comments. Those two were lucky, this time.0 -
...jbc, thanks. I puposely restrained, so I wouldn't sound like the "armed nut looking for a confrontation" that they perceive us to be. 0 -
The attitude of the mother is not limited to "city slicker" mothers. I am afraid it might be a pretty common reaction by many of the fairer sex. They are wired up differently than we (males) are.
However, I agree that it was not wise to engage the burglar with no weapon. If no weapon was available (not necessarily a gun, maybe a baseball bat) and assuming that neighbors were close, my advice would have been for them to exit immediately and seek assistance rather than engage in a physical confrontation with a strange man.
Some of the fairer sex (like my lady) would likely have reached into her purse and (if she could find it in there) extracted the means to have put the issue to rest.0 -
Many liberals give advice that if you are caught in such a situation then you should depend on the plan of " Suffer and perhaps die until the professionals get around to saving you."
Seriously, that is the mindset of most liberals. Get saved by the professionals or die.
Excellent letter sent BTW.0 -
I was doing some research back in the mid-90's and read an FBI report on violent crime. Statistics from the previous few years indicated that someone who does not resist a violent encounter is far more likely to be hurt or killed than someone who resists.
"Amy" does get one thing right though. Even if your opponent is armed and you are not, you MUST resist AT ALL COSTS (even at possible cost to your life) when he tries to take you somewhere. Your odds of survival and your likelihood of being killed skyrockets astronomically if your adversary attempts to force you into a vehicle and go somewhere.0 -
Amy isn't from Birmingham Alabama.....obviously. 0
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