4 things I've learned this week, so far
First: I need to cut back on drinking because when I drink too much, every joint in my body that I've injured hurts like hell for three days.
Second: Taco Bell IS NOT an acceptable substitute for the gym
Third: When you show up for work and you're told to promptly go to the orderly room, it means you have to do a piss test.
Forth: When you show up at the orderly room, don't tell them you're there for a piss test because you weren't suppose to know, even though you figured it out on your own
Second: Taco Bell IS NOT an acceptable substitute for the gym
Third: When you show up for work and you're told to promptly go to the orderly room, it means you have to do a piss test.
Forth: When you show up at the orderly room, don't tell them you're there for a piss test because you weren't suppose to know, even though you figured it out on your own
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get used to it. 0 -
I do get back at the urine analysis observer for standing way to close for comfort by ripping a huge fart while filling the cup. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by catpealer111
I do get back at the urine analysis observer for standing way to close for comfort by ripping a huge fart while filling the cup.
Good for you, cat!0 -
We used to issue the "Whiz Quiz" order on yellow paper, just for giggles. Ah, the good ol' days..... 0 -
quote:Originally posted by catpealer111
First: I need to cut back on drinking because when I drink too much, every joint in my body that I've injured hurts like hell for three days.
Second: Taco Bell IS NOT an acceptable substitute for the gym
Third: When you show up for work and you're told to promptly go to the orderly room, it means you have to do a piss test.
Forth: When you show up at the orderly room, don't tell them you're there for a piss test because you weren't suppose to know, even though you figured it out on your own
Hell, Taco Bell ain't even a food group.
Here's four things I learned this week:
1. Once you've seen one woman naked, you want to see them all naked.
2. Pay attention to what your wife says. When she asks if something makes her look fat, there are so many appropriate responses other than, "Yes dear."
3. When you come to the fork in the road, take it.
4. After spending two years in a chair in front of my computer, I cannot claim that typing for two years is appropriate exercise, and I should understand why my waist was a 32 in 2005 and is a 36 in 2007.0 -
Eat some rolls with poppy seeds sprinkled on top. You'll bust the test then you can get a lawyer and sue them![:D] 0 -
just piss all over the cup, then hand it to them. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by catpealer111
I do get back at the urine analysis observer for standing way to close for comfort by ripping a huge fart while filling the cup.
Just wait until you get that detail and see how you feel.0 -
quote:Originally posted by FEENIX
quote:Originally posted by catpealer111
I do get back at the urine analysis observer for standing way to close for comfort by ripping a huge fart while filling the cup.
Just wait until you get that detail and see how you feel.
You might just get a promotion to fart smeller.0 -
Just work for someone that don't require such testing.[:D] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by catpealer111
I do get back at the urine analysis observer for standing way to close for comfort by ripping a huge fart while filling the cup.
right on! that must be where the taco bell food comes in.0 -
quote:Second: Taco Bell IS NOT an acceptable substitute for the gym
It is also NOT an acceptable substitute for food.0 -
I've heard Taco Bell does neutralize the effects of beer. Perhaps the problem is a lack of a proper combinations. Keep experimenting! 0 -
I believe there is more to be learned here. The week is not over. Keep researching! 0 -
quote:I've heard Taco Bell does neutralize the effects of beer.
So does vomiting for any other reason.0 -
egg salad sandwich 0 -
quote:Originally posted by SuburbanNoize
just piss all over the cup, then hand it to them.
When I was in the Army, I was detailed to be a observer several times. For those smart asses who would piss all over the bottle, I would dump it after they had finihed draining themselves, and let them start over again. This broke them of that nasty habit after awhile. I didn't want to be there any more than they did.0 -
quote:Third: When you show up for work and you're told to promptly go to the orderly room, it means you have to do a piss test.
Next time you have to go for a piss test. Sneak in some apple juice and pour it in your piss cup. On your way out of the restroom just before you start to hand it to them, start drinking it down in front of them and walk out.[}:)]0 -
Last piss test I had....I filled the cup to the brim, then handed it to them.[:)] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by catpealer111
First: I need to cut back on drinking because when I drink too much, every joint in my body that I've injured hurts like hell for three days.
Second: Taco Bell IS NOT an acceptable substitute for the gym
Third: When you show up for work and you're told to promptly go to the orderly room, it means you have to do a piss test.
Forth: When you show up at the orderly room, don't tell them you're there for a piss test because you weren't suppose to know, even though you figured it out on your own
Thats what you get when you hang nukes on the wrong plane[}:)][}:)][:0][:D]
Don0 -
I had to take one last month and we were able to do it in private but you have to empty your pockets first. And the facility makes you wait 2 hours before calling your name. [xx(] 0 -
quote:Just wait until you get that detail and see how you feel.
MEAT GAZER DUTY!!!!!!
I played all the games as an airman, then I got to be meat gazer years later. Never played any games again. I was, however, very confused and disappointed when I started my civil service career that the smoking hot blonde nurse at the post infermery didn't have to watch me do the golden flow!![;)]0 -
You are a learned man indeed. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by yawarakai
I had to take one last month and we were able to do it in private but you have to empty your pockets first. And the facility makes you wait 2 hours before calling your name. [xx(]
Same here, they sent me to lab corp. empty poclets into this little safe, take a leak, some back out, collect stuff, and leave.0 -
quote:Originally posted by catpealer111
I do get back at the urine analysis observer for standing way to close for comfort by ripping a huge fart while filling the cup.
I asked them to hold the cup for me.[:D] I had Nothing to hide, nothing to fear.[;)] NEXT!
Edit for the grammar police-0 -
quote:Originally posted by spryor
Just work for someone that don't require such testing.[:D]
DING, DING, DING. WE HAVE A WIENER!! Be careful though. Some children here on the forum might not like your post.0 -
I learned a valuable lesson today. I'm sitting in the recliner and look down. I see a mosquito flying just above me. (I know your thinking a mosquito in the house. We had 10 inches of rain a couple weeks ago and they are realy bad.)
I follow through with my instict and swat it. My left nut hurt for the next 10 minutes. Yeah, I ah inadvertently hit myself in the balls. I sure hope I killed that thing cause it sure hurts.
Anyway, I learned I should think a little more before I try killing mosquitos.0 -
Funny thing about these "tests"....when I was stationed in Pearl Harbor they would have a number for the day. Your last digit of your ss# was your number and if it matched you had to go give a "sample." Just to cut down on the numbers a bit, from time to time they would put out a two digit number (the last TWO numbers of your ss#.) Guess what MY number is.....OH YEAH....it got me lots of crap each and every time they called out...."IF YOUR NUMBER IS 69 YOU MUST REPORT FOR testING." 0
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