monkey in a bar ....FUNNY!
A man went into the bar and sat down to have a drink. He brought a pet monkey with him that ran off when he sat down. After a few minutes the bartender said "sir I'm gonna have to ask you to take your monkey and go home." The man said "oh no, he ate something didn't he, that crazy monkey will eat anything". The bartender said yea, "he ate a whole bowl of peanuts and scared my customers". The man said "I'm sorry, I'll pay for the peanuts and be on my way". The next day, same man, same monkey. The bartender said "man your monkey sure does love to eat. He ate all of the pecans I had set out". The man said "I'm sorry I'll pay for them but can I stay".The bartender said "ok". A few minutes later the bartender said "ok you've gotta go. Your monkey just ate a cue ball." The man said "I told you he'd eat anything." The man paid for the cue ball and left.
No one saw the man for a couple days but sure enough he showed back up w/the monkey. After a few minutes the bartender said " Enough is enough. Your monkey is SICK. He's running off all my customers." The man said "what's he doing?". the bartender said "he's taking the cherrys out of the jar, sticking them where the sun don't shine and then eating them. He's SICK and nasty." The man laughed and said "oh yea, after he ate that cue ball, he likes to measure everything first."
No one saw the man for a couple days but sure enough he showed back up w/the monkey. After a few minutes the bartender said " Enough is enough. Your monkey is SICK. He's running off all my customers." The man said "what's he doing?". the bartender said "he's taking the cherrys out of the jar, sticking them where the sun don't shine and then eating them. He's SICK and nasty." The man laughed and said "oh yea, after he ate that cue ball, he likes to measure everything first."
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classic
Mountain Man visist the dentist.
MM goes to the dentist for a tooth ache.
Dentist says "I will have to pull the bad tooth.. and I will be back in a minute to administer the laughing gas."
MM: "No Gas, just pull it"
" but sir pullin a tooth is very painful"
MM laughs and says
"I have only felt pan twice in my life, I doubt you pulling on of my teeth will hurt"
Dentist says
"really, what happened the first time that you ever felt pain?"
MM replies.
"well the first time, i was out in the woods hunting, Mother nature called for a #2. so i dropped my trousers and squated. And all a sudden a bear trap slammed shut on my ball's.""OH GOD!, what did you do?"
MM replies
"well I jumped up and headed for home" "We'll what happened the second time?"
MM: "I hit the end of the chain that was holding the bear trap in place"0 -
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