Out of the mouths of babes
Talking with my ten year old daughter about shooting the other day. She wants to join the junior shooting team and get into competitions. She is my one child who really likes to shoot. Two others are proficient and enjoy shooting when I invite them, but don't ask me about it otherwise. So the other day she asks," When can I shoot a squirrel?"
Huh?
"I want to hunt something and kill it."
Are you going to skin it , clean it and eat it?
"Why else would you kill something?"
So it is squirrel hunting this fall for Claire.
Big Daddy Just checking in
Huh?
"I want to hunt something and kill it."
Are you going to skin it , clean it and eat it?
"Why else would you kill something?"
So it is squirrel hunting this fall for Claire.
Big Daddy Just checking in
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WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN!!!
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read,"The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone."Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy
before."
5) POLICE
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and
I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he
asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
6) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She
was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy
will never believe this!"
7) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning. "
8) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and
they won't let me talk!"
9)BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy
called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young
boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."
I got this in my email this morning and just thought I'd share.0 -
>
> >A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each
> >child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up
> >with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were
> >actually
> >done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading
> >these
> >keep in mind that these are first graders... "6" year-olds, because the
> >last one is classic!
> >
> >--
> >Better to be safe than...................... punch a 5th grader.
> >
> >Strike while the ...........................bug is close.
> >
> >It's always darkest before..................Daylight Saving Time.
> >
> >Never underestimate the power of............termites.
> >
> >You can lead a horse to water but........... how?
> >
> >Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.
> >
> >No news is..................................impossible.
> >
> >A miss is as good as a...................... Mr..
> >
> >You can't teach an old dog new.............. math.
> >
> >If you lie down with dogs, you'll........... stink in the morning.
> >
> >Love all, trust.............................me.
> >
> >The pen is mightier than the................pigs.
> >
> >An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.
> >
> >Where there's smoke there's................. pollution.
> >
> >Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
> >
> >A penny saved is............................ not much.
> >
> >Two's company, three's...................... the Musketeers.
> >
> >Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.
> >
> >Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and....
> >....you have to blow your nose.
> >
> >There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.
> >
> >Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.
> >
> >If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.
> >
> >You get out of something only what you..... see in the picture on the
> >box.
> >
> >When the blind leadeth
Now that Ive changed my shorts could somebody please point me in the direction of the nearest Privy!0 -
Same buddy sent me these.
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the
back seat,
"Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom
and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing
the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she
said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and
I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he
asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: And he that hath no sword,let him sell his garment, and buy one0 -
My daughter called last night and was telling us how her mother-in-law was moved out of intensive care and is doing better.
Then she told us about her conversation with our 5yo Granddaughter Katie. She told Katie that Santa only brought gifts for good little boys and girls, and that he will bring a lump of coal to the ones that haven't been good. Then she asked her "Do you think you've been a good girl this year?". Katie thought for a second and said "I think Santa is very forgiving".
That cracked me up when she told us. And just what I would expect out of her mouth. She's quite a character.[:D]0
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