Man Tools, and What Their Used For...:)
[:D][:D]
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching the piece your drilling, and beating your fingers bloody in a "propeller" fashion.
WIRE BUFFER WHEEL: Cleans rust off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light; also removes fingerprints before you can say "ouch". Also great fOR imbeding bits of steel wire in parts of your body, that will not be found for days.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Battery operated ones are built to go dead, "right" before the hole is drilled thru, unless your hand or finger is behind the hole. 1/2" electric drills that suddenly bind, are great for Dr.s to parctice their art of applying casts to wrists.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also make needles into "multi-purpose" instruments for popping blood blisters.
HACKSAW: One of the only saws that automatically cuts crooked.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads, if nothing else is available. Also can be used to transfer intense welding heat to your hand.
PROPANE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire.
YELLOW PINE 2 x 4'S: Great as a long lever to move that heavy machine, and then snapping, right where you are holding it. Good for pinching, smashing, fingers.
Gauranteed to always be too short after measuring twice and cutting.
Blood stains it easily from the large splinter you got while measuring it too cut it too short.
TWEEZERS A required companion tool for buffer wire wheel, and yellow pine 2 X 4.
PHONE: Tool for emerginceies and calling your fire department, after using your propane torch.
E-Z OUT BOLT & STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes.
2-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2" x 16" SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that for some unknown reason has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
TIN SNIPS: Cut crooked straight lines.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a "drop-light", I wonder why? Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. Makes you glad you have the phone after it falls on you while under your truck, and it drops "anti-burn shield" down...wedging between your neck and chin.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Great for keeping dry cleaners busy. Normally used to stab holes in cans of liquids, and splashing oil or other caustic liguids on you, and your shirt; but can also be
used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that makes it possible for you to buy all the air acctuated tools; such as impact wrenchs that strip lug nuts far easier, faster than by hand. A tool that screams "use me not the broom' to clean up your shop. Hope your neighbor does not have a phone to call the fire department when he see's the choking dust cloud, thinking your shop is on fire.
HAMMER:Originally employed as a weapon of war, nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts, or most tender...(see multi-purpose needle) not far from the object we are trying to hit.
DAMNIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.
COMBO BELT/DISC SANDER: In the blink of an eye, can turn a small part you spent an hour measuring and cutting...into sawdust that in know way resmbles the part you were sanding. Quicly and effieciently shortens those finger nails you had been meaning to trim.
...Courtesy of a poster over at GUNBOARDS...though I "tweeked " it a little...[;)]
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching the piece your drilling, and beating your fingers bloody in a "propeller" fashion.
WIRE BUFFER WHEEL: Cleans rust off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light; also removes fingerprints before you can say "ouch". Also great fOR imbeding bits of steel wire in parts of your body, that will not be found for days.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Battery operated ones are built to go dead, "right" before the hole is drilled thru, unless your hand or finger is behind the hole. 1/2" electric drills that suddenly bind, are great for Dr.s to parctice their art of applying casts to wrists.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also make needles into "multi-purpose" instruments for popping blood blisters.
HACKSAW: One of the only saws that automatically cuts crooked.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads, if nothing else is available. Also can be used to transfer intense welding heat to your hand.
PROPANE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire.
YELLOW PINE 2 x 4'S: Great as a long lever to move that heavy machine, and then snapping, right where you are holding it. Good for pinching, smashing, fingers.
Gauranteed to always be too short after measuring twice and cutting.
Blood stains it easily from the large splinter you got while measuring it too cut it too short.
TWEEZERS A required companion tool for buffer wire wheel, and yellow pine 2 X 4.
PHONE: Tool for emerginceies and calling your fire department, after using your propane torch.
E-Z OUT BOLT & STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes.
2-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2" x 16" SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that for some unknown reason has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
TIN SNIPS: Cut crooked straight lines.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a "drop-light", I wonder why? Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. Makes you glad you have the phone after it falls on you while under your truck, and it drops "anti-burn shield" down...wedging between your neck and chin.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Great for keeping dry cleaners busy. Normally used to stab holes in cans of liquids, and splashing oil or other caustic liguids on you, and your shirt; but can also be
used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that makes it possible for you to buy all the air acctuated tools; such as impact wrenchs that strip lug nuts far easier, faster than by hand. A tool that screams "use me not the broom' to clean up your shop. Hope your neighbor does not have a phone to call the fire department when he see's the choking dust cloud, thinking your shop is on fire.
HAMMER:Originally employed as a weapon of war, nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts, or most tender...(see multi-purpose needle) not far from the object we are trying to hit.
DAMNIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.
COMBO BELT/DISC SANDER: In the blink of an eye, can turn a small part you spent an hour measuring and cutting...into sawdust that in know way resmbles the part you were sanding. Quicly and effieciently shortens those finger nails you had been meaning to trim.
...Courtesy of a poster over at GUNBOARDS...though I "tweeked " it a little...[;)]
0
-
[:D][:D]NOW I can blame the tools! All this time I thought it was ME!! [:D][:D] 0 -
All very true![:D][:D] 0 -
I had a couple of Damnit tools when I was putting the frost plug heater in my truck on saturday...LOL![:D][:D][:D] 0 -
Um, I thought the dammit tool was the one that causes you to scrape your knuckles when you're using it.
I was shouting that all day Sunday.0 -
[8D]--I had a damnit mouse that I used on my comput 0 -
Ya forgot one: The never ending adjustable, "Pecker". Every man should have one.[:)] 0
Please sign in to leave a comment.
Comments
6 comments