what happened
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I see that blackroses has a lock beside her name. What happened? 0 -
to Whiteclouders post last night? If it was something I said I really didn't mean it. I wanted to say hammer but it was too long a word for me to spell so I just put down axe. I would have wrote down hammer If I could have spelled it. Honest[}:)] 0 -
to the truck vs. bike video link.thread? 0 -
to my ex wife tallT? Where does she hang out now? 0 -
Many have asked in emails, so I will share with you what happened to Josh. It's a sad testament to my failings as a father, but I have to live with them now. His body is at the medical examiners office for autopsy, and we have had a company come in and clean up the mess. Now, the funeral planning, then I can stop and cry the tears I need to.
Josh has fought many demons in recent years, one of with was a severe mental illness. He has lived with us since his last breakdown, and he has left on a few "trips", but always returned home. He was 36 years old.
You may remember back around the first of the year, I had to go to San Diego and pick him up. He had "lost" (we never found out how or why) a new 2009 Ford pickup we had given him for his work in pool construction and was walking the streets. The El Cajon police had picked him up and put in the San Diego County Psychiatric Hospital, but a judge refused to commit him, so he walked out after refusing treatment.
He refused to see a doctor or to take medications he had been prescribed from his first breakdown, and his behavior was sometimes bazaar, but for the most part, it was just his twisted beliefs that someone had planted a "chip" in his brain and were tracking him, following him, had satellites locked on to him, and tried to control his behavior. He believed that the TV was a big camera that "they" (whoever the hell "they" were) used to spy on him.
His second breakdown had come in jail following a second DUI conviction, and he was able to go to AA and had stopped drinking, which improved his life and actions, but didn't heal the mental illness he suffered. He spent a couple of months locked in his room only coming out to shower or eat, and I though we were again going to have to take him to the hospital, but in the last week, he had started coming out, talking, seemed much better, and was almost back to his old self.
Yesterday at 11:57 AM, while I was at work, and he and Sandy were here alone, he committed suicide by shooting himself in the head with a .45 pistol that he had been given as a gift from his uncle, 10 years ago. He had been selling off his guns over the last year for money, and had just told me the day before that he wanted me to sell the last three. I had told him to gather them up for me and tell me what he wanted for them, and I would sell them. I guess he couldn't stand the thought of not having one to do what he was considering.
His mother went in the room after she heard the bang, saw the remains of what was once his head, and called 911, then me. She is shattered in every means of the word. He left us no note, and after the last week of improvements, we are at a loss of why. I can think of 100 things I should have done, including having him committed to a hospital. None of those will bring him back, and nothing was ever severe enough to make me think his behavior would lead to what happened.
Josh was actually a stepson, and his biological father abandoned him before he was born. He told Sandy he didn't want children and wasn't going to raise one. He saw him one time at the age of three months, then disappeared.
That was one of his major problems, but since I was the only father he ever knew, I was his dad, and he was my son. I never saw him any other way.
I am having trouble dealing with the fact he wouldn't tell us he was in such pain, or what about. There was help, and I would have provided it. His mother and I had offered on many occasions.
I am thankful he was warm when it was cold, cool when it was hot, had a roof over his head, and all of the food he wanted to eat. I'm glad he didn't die as a street person, and I'm thankful for the time we had him in our lives. I'm also thankful his was sober from alcohol and drugs for the last year or more, and I wish he could have freed himself from those before he had these breakdowns.
I'm sorry I couldn't get him the help he so needed, and I'm sorry his mother had to see him like that. He lived a normal life with a good job for 28 years, then a divorce sent him over the edge the first time. He turned to alcohol and drugs, and that ruined him. Never the less, there is a whole in my heart, and I will miss him the remainder of my days.
I now must figure out a way to take care of Sandy. I'll see if I can improve my health so I can stay around a little longer with her. We have already buried our child, now her child, and she has no others. My oldest son from wife one has had bypass, so I pray he will take care of himself too. I can't loose three.0 -
to the thread about giving guns to someone else[?][?][?] 0 -
to that guy HAIRY? 0 -
to dcon13? When I went to bed last night she, he or it was giving you guys hell and holding her,his or it's own. Now nothing. [?] 0 -
What did I miss with dennisnielson? His name is not even on the front page of the members list. 0 -
My 0 -
To the redbull girl?? 0 -
Last night, couldn't access the site till now 0 -
where is the thread about the screwy duck, uh I mean the fertility duck 0 -
Someone's been ultra sensitive the past few days.
I think one of the moderators is a woman, as we go through this every 28 days or so. [:)]
Poof!0 -
quote:Originally posted by cubslover
Someone's been ultra sensitive the past few days.
I think one of the moderators is a woman, as we go through this every 28 days or so. [:)]
Poof!
[:0][:0]
Not the big hairy one[:0][:0]0 -
it got somebodies goose 0
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