Emails
I got this one today
**Thank You**
** My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the
time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. **
**Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. **
**Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
envelopes, because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
seal an envelope. **
**Also, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.**
**Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains. **
**I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. **
**I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.**
**I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
gentlemaned with a needle infected with AIDS. **
**I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day. **
**I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
cologne sample and rob me. **
**I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. **
**I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan. **
**I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. **
**I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike. **
**I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
now have their recipe. **
**I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
>angels looking out for me. **
**Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. **
**I no longer have any money because I gave them to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 258th time) but that will change
once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special email program. **
**Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favor! **
**If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your
head at 5:00 p.m. (CST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because
it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.**
[:D][:D][:D][:D]
**Thank You**
** My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the
time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. **
**Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. **
**Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
envelopes, because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
seal an envelope. **
**Also, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.**
**Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains. **
**I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. **
**I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.**
**I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
gentlemaned with a needle infected with AIDS. **
**I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day. **
**I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
cologne sample and rob me. **
**I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. **
**I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan. **
**I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. **
**I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike. **
**I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
now have their recipe. **
**I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
>angels looking out for me. **
**Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. **
**I no longer have any money because I gave them to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 258th time) but that will change
once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special email program. **
**Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favor! **
**If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your
head at 5:00 p.m. (CST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because
it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.**
[:D][:D][:D][:D]
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I sent dcon12 an email.
Clouder..0 -
To those of you that sent me emails recently, thanks. Sorry I don't have the time to reply to each one of you individually, but I just wanted to say thank you for caring. Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated. Your witty comments and comebacks really stuck it to me. Or whatever.
Why you bothered to email me with what you thought was so important I'll never know. I guess it's kind of like when you get put down, then 12 hours later you think, "boy, here's a really good comeback" then you email it. Boy that really smarts. Rubs salt in the wound. Or something.
[xx(]0 -
Aww 0 -
I'm planning to.
I did, however send one to Frank.
Doug0 -
The last email I sent, came back undeliverable.
IP blocked.
Oh well......I tried.0 -
well don't refrain from sending me emails! i feel left out. 0 -
I got one back!!!!!
Crap, it's not from dcon12. Anyone know a fella named viagra?
Clouder..0 -
I did not and will not email anyone on the board today! [:p] [}:)] [:0] 0 -
Im with HBBG. I feel left out! 0 -
quote:Originally posted by hisbigbootygirl
well don't refrain from sending me emails! i feel left out.
I'll add you to my mailing list [;)]0 -
Clouder..I want to congratulate you. I didn't think poor ole Dcon was ever gonna git no mail. I surely do hope you sent it certified.. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by oldgunner
Clouder..I want to congratulate you. I didn't think poor ole Dcon was ever gonna git no mail. I surely do hope you sent it certified..
I did; and copyrighted.[:D]
Clouder..0 -
I think I'm the only person on this forum who hasn't sent dcon12 an eMail (or at least tried to). 0
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