So I've been invited to a wedding.
I've been called to be the bestman. Basically my brother's getting married to this chick he's been with for couple of years. He's 33 (I think) and she's 21-ish. Anyhow I've been called to do the bestman gig on Febuary 29, 2008 (not really looking forward to it). Since we're like family here I'll voice out why I don't like her.
She's bossy and runs him like a rented mule even when he's sickly (health issues got this stomach thing where he pukes for days on end). The thing is she doesn't have a job nor is she looking, but will talk about being a nurses aide (or some other crap) with no real intention of doing anything to do that. Personally me thinks it's the young chick and his early mid-life crisis.
I know I'm not the one marrying her so I shouldn't care but I do not want that boy pennyless just because his brain was clouded by young **** (rymes with spoon). As a bestman and his brother don't I have a obligation to voice out my concerns? When he called and asked me to be the bestman I brought up Prenup (he side steped it). I'm pretty sure he won't get it and I fear for his laziness and stupidness.
I bring it up once more (and for the final time) If he doesn't give me a "yes I'll get one" or "no I won't get one". If he doesn't get one should I say "I'll go under protest" after I lay out the can of worms. Or should I just stay home? I don't want to hurt the boy but he thinks this world revolves around Karma (damn new age crap) and not the bottom line of who gets how much of what. I just don't want to have to rent a wood chipper and a boat for his mistake[V] (and no we aren't named Petersen[:D]).
So what would you do? Go as invited with no care since it's not your problem or go because he's your brother (under protest) or stay home? Also I don't think I'll be getting a bestman's gift (if that has a lee-way with some folks reasoning[:D]).
She's bossy and runs him like a rented mule even when he's sickly (health issues got this stomach thing where he pukes for days on end). The thing is she doesn't have a job nor is she looking, but will talk about being a nurses aide (or some other crap) with no real intention of doing anything to do that. Personally me thinks it's the young chick and his early mid-life crisis.
I know I'm not the one marrying her so I shouldn't care but I do not want that boy pennyless just because his brain was clouded by young **** (rymes with spoon). As a bestman and his brother don't I have a obligation to voice out my concerns? When he called and asked me to be the bestman I brought up Prenup (he side steped it). I'm pretty sure he won't get it and I fear for his laziness and stupidness.
I bring it up once more (and for the final time) If he doesn't give me a "yes I'll get one" or "no I won't get one". If he doesn't get one should I say "I'll go under protest" after I lay out the can of worms. Or should I just stay home? I don't want to hurt the boy but he thinks this world revolves around Karma (damn new age crap) and not the bottom line of who gets how much of what. I just don't want to have to rent a wood chipper and a boat for his mistake[V] (and no we aren't named Petersen[:D]).
So what would you do? Go as invited with no care since it's not your problem or go because he's your brother (under protest) or stay home? Also I don't think I'll be getting a bestman's gift (if that has a lee-way with some folks reasoning[:D]).
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There is nothing you can say to him that will make him change his mind - just give him the usual "I hope you know what you're doing" speech and be as supportive as you can. Saying it now is really just an excuse for an "I told you so" when it goes south. 0 -
Express your concern and state what you have written here, just leave out the wood chipper. Be there for your brother when it all falls apart and don't say "I told you so". He's a grown man.
I was best man for the second time for my best friend. He's been "happily" married to a controlling bitch 12 years his junior for 6 years now. I expressed my concern 2 nights before the wedding when she asked him threw me out of their house 5mins after I arrived. We had invited some old friends from out of town over for some beers and BS. I refused to pick up my tux until the last minute and arrived at the rehearsal 1/2 hour late. My reception speech was the coldest and shortest in history, "Join me in wishing the new couple luck, they're going to need it".
This man used to be a type "A", now he has traded his balls for an apron and "Mr. Mom" title even though his wife does not work, she just doesn't do anything!
Yes, I'm still a little bitter. I'm Italian so I holding a good grudge.0 -
I watched my brother marry a blood-sucking leach 11 years ago (much to the dismay of everyone who knew him and her), who verbadem told my sister and I one Thanksgiving, after a bottle of cabernet "Money is the most important thing in the world to me, and I will do whatever I have to to make sure I have what I want." This is 6 or 7 years after the marriage and one extramarital affair (hers) later, but we knew it all along.
After a year of mind games, she finally filed for divorce last month, and it is ugly.
Not much you can do but be around to help him pick up the pieces and refrain from saying "I told you so" in the end.0 -
Tell him why you don't like it, and then be his best man.
Once you're his best man, you're there to support him. You'll have to give a speech. Talk about what's so great about him and why you hope this union will bring him a lifetime of bliss. If you can think of ANYTHING nice to say about your soon to be SIL, do so. Otherwise keep your mouth shut about her.0 -
Keep your mouth shut and do your very best to be a fine example of a best man. Despite the fact that you have an opinion, it is really none of your business. Expressing your opinion, however good your intentions will only tend to alienate both of them from you. You can be certain he will tell her at one point in time or another.
Contrary to our best judgement and intentions we cannot protect those we care about from themselves. Mostly that is a good thing. Sometimes it sucks.0 -
I didn't try to talk my brother out of marrying a total witch, and I have regretted it ever since. Hate is a strong word that I try to use only in extreme circumstances, but I (and ALL of my family) dislike her greatly. I thought that keeping our reservations about her to ourselves was in everyones best interest, however I know now that keeping silent was much worse. 0 -
Spewing your vitrol toward the in-law will only serve to distance you from your family member and alienate them from the family.
Suck it up, you can't save someone unless they want to be saved.0 -
quote: Personally me thinks it's the young chick and his early mid-life crisis.
+1
Accident waiting to happen.0 -
I married a GIRL 15 years younger than I.
Biggest tragedy of my life.
Get him alone, feed him several drinks, and tell him how much you care about him.
Maybe you can help save him from destroying his life.
If you don't get any traction with that, then: "Keep your mouth shut and do your very best to be a fine example of a best man"(He Dog)
Doug0 -
As Erma Bombeck Said "The grass is always greener over the septic tank"[;)]
Great book-[;)]0 -
quote:Originally posted by He Dog
Keep your mouth shut and do your very best to be a fine example of a best man. Despite the fact that you have an opinion, it is really none of your business. Expressing your opinion, however good your intentions will only tend to alienate both of them from you. You can be certain he will tell her at one point in time or another.
Contrary to our best judgement and intentions we cannot protect those we care about from themselves. Mostly that is a good thing. Sometimes it sucks.
Well, +1 on the idea that you can't protect people from themselves. But I think sometimes it's important to state your opinion.
That said, when I got married, I knew that several of my family weren't happy with the idea of that marriage. They could have told me that, and I wouldn't have done it differently. Now that the marriage is over, I don't feel badly towards them for not having said anything (their opinions were clear) and I don't think I'd feel badly if they had said something.
Speak your mind. But only to your brother.0 -
I agree with most of you, but on the other hand, when you stand up for a friend or brother at his wedding, you are demonstrating your support for the union. If you don't support the union, how can you stand up? I don't envy your dilemma. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by scrumpyjack
Express your concern and state what you have written here, just leave out the wood chipper. Be there for your brother when it all falls apart and don't say "I told you so". He's a grown man.
I was best man for the second time for my best friend. He's been "happily" married to a controlling bitch 12 years his junior for 6 years now. I expressed my concern 2 nights before the wedding when she asked him threw me out of their house 5mins after I arrived. We had invited some old friends from out of town over for some beers and BS. I refused to pick up my tux until the last minute and arrived at the rehearsal 1/2 hour late. My reception speech was the coldest and shortest in history, "Join me in wishing the new couple luck, they're going to need it".
This man used to be a type "A", now he has traded his balls for an apron and "Mr. Mom" title even though his wife does not work, she just doesn't do anything!
Yes, I'm still a little bitter. I'm Italian so I holding a good grudge.
Off, the subject.....so am I.0 -
You may not like his choice of a wife, but its not up to you to say...If he loves her, and she loves him, that is all that matters, your opinion doesnt...
He might not like your choice of a wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, but I bet he didnt make an issue of it...
Either stand up and shut up or step aside and shut up...I didnt approve of my cousins choice of a hubby, but I still stood up for her, and kept my mouth shut....I did it for her, and you might think of doing the same.....he is your brother, he loves you and hopefully you love him and want only what HE wants for himself..0 -
I think you keep your mouth shut, and do a great job as best man. There is no good that will come from telling him anything. He knows what she is, and he knows what he's getting himself into, even if you don't think he does. If you are right, he's going to marry her, and if you are wrong, he's going to marry her.
You've already told him once before, and you've done your duty.0 -
If you don't approve, for whatever reason, don't take part.
Anything else is a lie.
("The wrong way's easy; it's the right way that's hard. Rule of nature, like water finds the path of least resistance. So you get crooked rivers and crooked men.")0 -
Ask him to sign over all his valuables to you, to be returned in 10 years, if all goes well.[;)] 0 -
tell the dumb SOMB$#@h that once the ring is on she'll be ten times worse than what she is now. Btdt 0 -
I thank y'alls for the input. I would keep my mouth shut if I could (that's not in my genes[:D]).
I do like what GUNFUNCO said about him signing over everything for me for ten years. First thing I'd do is to evict her[:D].
When I did speak to the old boy I have a feeling she was in the room. I think I'll have to catch him when he's alone and have the talk again. If he won't listen I think I'll call in sick. I'll feel bad but like some of y'alls said if I don't support their nuptuals how can I stand by. I still say the power of young spoon is might powerful.
With the weather being what it is up in state of Washington today, for all I know a tree fell on her[:D]. I couldn't raise him on any phones. Last bad weather the boy was in, he was camping for a week eating spam and kim-chee in the dark[:D].0
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