Athlete joke
With all of the Michael Vick circus going on, it reminded me of an old joke that I have had several, several years. I found it and......
PROSPECTIVE 2008 UNIVERSITY OF ARKANSAS BASKETBALL SIGNEES TO DATE
WOODROW ALSTON 6'8" 198 lbs. Lives in Beaumont, but born in the Bronx, where mother has been on welfare for the last 20 years. At 19, he is the oldest of 16 children, all illegitimate. Expensive tastes - he wants two mink coats and a purple Cadillac to sign. Will probably get them.
ROOSEVELT "DUDE" DANZELL 6'6" 215 lbs. Halfbreed from Louisiana. Has processed hair and thinks he's Billy D Williams. Biggest drawback-he is very light skinned and therefore snubbed by teammates. Considering a lower lip transplant in order to be accepted by peers.
LEOTIS B JENKINS JR 6'4" 192 lbs. Conroe High - very fast and above intelligence - only member of his team who knows his father. Can spell name without assistance. Likes white wimmin, white likkor and white ice cream, in that order. Led his high school in rebounds; also led burglary attempts at Harry's One Stop Stero Shop. Got 5 to 10 years - served 6 days - now out and ready to play!!
MARVIN Z PALAFOX 7'2" 195 lbs. White but doesn't know the difference. Insists on wearing Number 12 - scored same on college boards. Thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing development. Loves buttermilk, but can't spell it. Ugly as sin, makes Junior Samples look like Robert Redford. BEDWETTER.
WILLIE "TRAIN" GREEN 6'6" 200 lbs. Point guard, born on Amtrak near Texarkana, as mother was hoping to make it to Houston to enhance welfare benefits. Missed half of his senior season - terminal acne. He'll hit you under the basket say recruiters, especially if you call him ZitHead!!
REMARQUE WINEGLASS 6'7" 188 lbs. Galveston's finest prospect in a decade. Musically inclined - wants mini-cassette installed in headband so he can run the fastbreaks to The Commodores. Holds regional record for "you knows" - 62 over a one minute, ten second span. Wants buckets of cash for his "X" on the dotted line. Contact thru his agent, Sam the Fly, at the Wise Owl Pool Hall.
ALBERT WARTZ 6'11" 200 lbs. Only other white prospect, but totally stupid. Thinks Henry Cabot Lodge is a Dallas Motel. Great hands say the coaches. So do the cheerleaders. When filling out the questionnaire, by "sex" he wrote, "Not since Cousin Mavis left town."
ABBA BWANATKA 7'7" 235 lbs. Wastusi tribesman, age unknown - teeth indicate about 24 years old. Recommended by alumnus serving the dark continent in Peace Corps. Spent early years in tree house. Unmarried, 6 children. Also known as "Pootie". Has not bathed in over a year - requires separate transportation to and from games.
COACH'S REMARK AT EVALUATION MEETING - "LOOKS LIKE IT IS GOING TO BE A GREAT YEAR."
PROSPECTIVE 2008 UNIVERSITY OF ARKANSAS BASKETBALL SIGNEES TO DATE
WOODROW ALSTON 6'8" 198 lbs. Lives in Beaumont, but born in the Bronx, where mother has been on welfare for the last 20 years. At 19, he is the oldest of 16 children, all illegitimate. Expensive tastes - he wants two mink coats and a purple Cadillac to sign. Will probably get them.
ROOSEVELT "DUDE" DANZELL 6'6" 215 lbs. Halfbreed from Louisiana. Has processed hair and thinks he's Billy D Williams. Biggest drawback-he is very light skinned and therefore snubbed by teammates. Considering a lower lip transplant in order to be accepted by peers.
LEOTIS B JENKINS JR 6'4" 192 lbs. Conroe High - very fast and above intelligence - only member of his team who knows his father. Can spell name without assistance. Likes white wimmin, white likkor and white ice cream, in that order. Led his high school in rebounds; also led burglary attempts at Harry's One Stop Stero Shop. Got 5 to 10 years - served 6 days - now out and ready to play!!
MARVIN Z PALAFOX 7'2" 195 lbs. White but doesn't know the difference. Insists on wearing Number 12 - scored same on college boards. Thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing development. Loves buttermilk, but can't spell it. Ugly as sin, makes Junior Samples look like Robert Redford. BEDWETTER.
WILLIE "TRAIN" GREEN 6'6" 200 lbs. Point guard, born on Amtrak near Texarkana, as mother was hoping to make it to Houston to enhance welfare benefits. Missed half of his senior season - terminal acne. He'll hit you under the basket say recruiters, especially if you call him ZitHead!!
REMARQUE WINEGLASS 6'7" 188 lbs. Galveston's finest prospect in a decade. Musically inclined - wants mini-cassette installed in headband so he can run the fastbreaks to The Commodores. Holds regional record for "you knows" - 62 over a one minute, ten second span. Wants buckets of cash for his "X" on the dotted line. Contact thru his agent, Sam the Fly, at the Wise Owl Pool Hall.
ALBERT WARTZ 6'11" 200 lbs. Only other white prospect, but totally stupid. Thinks Henry Cabot Lodge is a Dallas Motel. Great hands say the coaches. So do the cheerleaders. When filling out the questionnaire, by "sex" he wrote, "Not since Cousin Mavis left town."
ABBA BWANATKA 7'7" 235 lbs. Wastusi tribesman, age unknown - teeth indicate about 24 years old. Recommended by alumnus serving the dark continent in Peace Corps. Spent early years in tree house. Unmarried, 6 children. Also known as "Pootie". Has not bathed in over a year - requires separate transportation to and from games.
COACH'S REMARK AT EVALUATION MEETING - "LOOKS LIKE IT IS GOING TO BE A GREAT YEAR."
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