Let Me Serve in the Military
I'm over 50 and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists (You can't be older than 35 to join the military.)
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to drink. The average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons o f beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 w ould do wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a case...another convenient way to measure time!)
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys always get up early to pee.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also d eveloped an appreciation for guns.
We like them almost better than naps.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after comple ting basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt now, "Get down and give me ... ER .. One."
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his shorts sticking out. He's hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can read it.
Never Be The First To Get Old!!!!
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to drink. The average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons o f beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 w ould do wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a case...another convenient way to measure time!)
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys always get up early to pee.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also d eveloped an appreciation for guns.
We like them almost better than naps.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after comple ting basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt now, "Get down and give me ... ER .. One."
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his shorts sticking out. He's hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can read it.
Never Be The First To Get Old!!!!
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Nice one![:D][:D][:D] 0 -
I resemble that!...or something like that. 0 -
[:D][:D][:D] 0 -
Where did I put that Geritol[:0]...[:D][:D][:D] 0 -
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No joke- My buddy was always on the verge of being discharged becuase he couldn't make weight, and he can't run to save his life.
Got sent off to Iraq, and was a tank mechanic. Mind you, as a Tank Mechanic, he has 5 confirmed kills!
He told me "your'e always better off having the fat soldiers - it's not like we can run. We HAVE to stand and shoot!"0 -
Old guys could replace young soldiers in searching for car bombs.
I can see the news headlines now.
Old guy 67 years old killed today in Iraq. Estimated social security and medicare savings $2,347,586.37.
To date 5,487 old guys killed in action. The war in Iraq has saved U.S. taxpayers billions.
[:D]Ted Kennedy, [:D]Sean Penn, and [:D]Michael Moore drafted.
Seriously old guys could do sentry duty.0 -
quote:Originally posted by Jgreen
He told me "your'e always better off having the fat soldiers - it's not like we can run. We HAVE to stand and shoot!"
love that quote lolololol[:D]0 -
How they gonna keep all those golf carts charged up?[?] 0 -
That's funny [:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]! 0 -
Well I am over 50 and I sure don't want no puny M-16. I want a real gun to carry. And I also waste ammo and shoot at anything that moves ahead of me. Any Questions. Oh, my eyesight ain't that good either so be carefull and identify yourself, I'm trigger happy. 0 -
[:D][:D][:D] 0 -
you know, seriously this might not be a bad idea. There are lots of us vets (combat or not) on here and we have lots of info and skills the Army could use. They should make sort of a two track Army: the first track would be all the young first line combat troops, then the second track could be security, truck drivers, etc troops. That would let all the young troops doing such work now be transferred over into the front line combat units. Why not: I am 42 and still run two miles a day and lift weights and do pushups and situps. I can still pass the Army PT test for my age group. I bet there are other guys that are still in decent shape for our ages. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by PC800
you know, seriously this might not be a bad idea. There are lots of us vets (combat or not) on here and we have lots of info and skills the Army could use. They should make sort of a two track Army: the first track would be all the young first line combat troops, then the second track could be security, truck drivers, etc troops. That would let all the young troops doing such work now be transferred over into the front line combat units. Why not: I am 42 and still run two miles a day and lift weights and do pushups and situps. I can still pass the Army PT test for my age group. I bet there are other guys that are still in decent shape for our ages.
Wait till your 43, your body goes all to he!!.[:D]0 -
quote:Originally posted by rcrxmike_2
quote:Originally posted by rcrxmike_2
quote:Originally posted by bull300wsm
Where did I put that Geritol[:0]...[:D][:D][:D]
That 'DEPENDS"........:) I'll bet we could help 'ENSURE' victory, Bring 'SERENITY' to the battlefield. With a little medication, even us 'old' guys, could stand at attention for a 36 hour period!0
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