DARWIN AWARDS
Been following the pure oxygen thread for reloading in the 'ask the experts'.
I believe anyone attempting to perform such an act, should first make their application for DSOD. 'Darwin Society of Dumba$$'s.
With that said, what other forms of Darwinian deserve special in your experience?
I believe anyone attempting to perform such an act, should first make their application for DSOD. 'Darwin Society of Dumba$$'s.
With that said, what other forms of Darwinian deserve special in your experience?
0
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C&P from an email my wife received
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious winner:
When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
The honorable mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from a passing train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and demanded all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided to throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her That's the lady I stole the purse from."
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.The clerk turned him down saying he couldn't open the cash register without a food order So the man ordered onion rings. The clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The frustrated gunman walked away.
A man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. They said the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had been punished enough!0 -
2012 Darwin Awards
*************************************************************************************
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
***********************************************************************************
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
************************************************************************************
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
*************************************************************************************
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said that Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength, according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association. A person has to wonder what the dimmer members of this law firm are like.
********************************************************************************
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
************************************************************************************
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said that Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
************************************************************************************
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. "Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
***************************************************************************************
Finally, THE WINNER [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole 's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck? Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure (as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules), it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.0 -
And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees.
The Darwins are awarded every year to the persons who died in the
stupidest manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.
This year's nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: (San Jose Mercury News): An unidentified man,
using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's
windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: (Kalamazoo Gazette): James Burns, 34, (a mechanic)
of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what
police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive
the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could
ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on
something however and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive
shaft."
Nominee No. 3: (Hickory Daily Record): Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC.
Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special,
which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: (UPI, Toronto): Police said a lawyer demonstrating
the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed
through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death.
A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of
the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was
explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law
students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window
strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner
of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that
Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" (ed note: ????) members of
the 200-man association.
Nominee No. 5: (The News of the Weird): Michael Anderson Godwin
made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years
awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before
having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a
metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit
into a wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 6: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal
explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay Countryman, using a cigarette
lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday
night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs' investigators
said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk
home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a
54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was
using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7: (Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario ): A man cleaning a
bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in his
Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko,
55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said
Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that
the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, THE WINNER!: (Arkansas Democrat Gazette): Two local men
were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree
near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County
Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight
Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of
Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights
malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the
older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not
available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullets from his pistol
fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column.
Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate
properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White
River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing
the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck
Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting
the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts
and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to
repair the damage to his testicles which will never operate again as
intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off,
or we might both be dead," stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but
this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit
how this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how
many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.
Priorities, after all!
Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their
misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it
can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from
the gene pool.0 -
If nothing else, skip to the end and read the last one.
Remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.
>.
>
>Semi-finalist #1
>.
>
>A young Irish man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because
>he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
>Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into
the
>fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
>house down, killing both him and his sister.
>.
>
>Semi-finalist #2
>.
>
>Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when
>another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
>occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft
>and crashed.
>
>They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their
>ankles.
>.
>
>Semi-finalist #3
>.
>
>A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
>octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle.
Fairfax
>County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of
>these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
>other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
>pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
>think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length
of
>the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between
>the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent
>cause of death was "Major trauma."
>.
>
>Semi-finalist #4
>.
>
>A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
>friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
>
>The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
>hospitalized.
>.
>
>Semi-finalist #5
>.
>
>Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of
>a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing
>all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the
>building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
were
>dispatched.
>
>Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating
in
>the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
>
>Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching
>into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette
>lighter.
>
>Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
>exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
found
>of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
>explosion.
>
>The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought
of
>as ''bright'' by his peers.
>.
>
>The Winner
>.
>
>Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award
>(awarded, as always, posthumously):
>
>The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
embedded
>in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve.
>The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a
car.
>The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
>.
>
>Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur
>rocket scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
>Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give
>heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from
>short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert
and
>found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to
>the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
>.
>
>The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
>
>1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0
>miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and
>melted asphalt at that location.
>.
>
>The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
>within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of
>350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
>.
>
>The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
>usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
>causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
>
>However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
>miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted
>the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the
>road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
>impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
>crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
>
>Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small
>fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and
>fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris
believed
>to be a portion of the steering wheel.
>
>Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground
speed
>of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually
on
>the ground.
>0 -
Sent: Saturday, December 15, 2007 9:32 AM
Subject: Fw: Darwin Awards
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious Winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber, James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked.
And now, the Honorable Mentions
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company suspecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an on coming train. When asked how he received the wounds he said he was trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID .. to which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.0 -
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious Winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a holdup in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked.0 -
[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D] 0 -
I love it! It reminds me of an old Abbott and Costello movie where Costello pointed a revolver at this head and pulled the trigger six times to make sure it wasn't loaded!!!
Besides, it's nice to know those old "Suicide Specials" still live up to their name! [:D]0 -
Ah! The gene pool is a little better off. 0
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