Need Help with First Date Ideas...
Well, it's been a while since I've visited (our optempo right now is crazy) and I have to admit that I've returned only to selfishly request advice. I've got a problem that needs solving, and you all are (may the Good Lord help me) some of the most sensible folks (for the most part) that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting online.
Anyway, here's the deal. It's now been a year and a half since my divorce, and I've finally decided to start dating again. There is one girl in particular that I'd like to ask out, but I'm not sure of the etiquette involved.
She uses a wheelchair (due to "Brittle Bone" Disease) and I haven't the faintest idea how I should ask her on a date - it's the logistical aspects that have me stumped (I can handle the actual asking part). I know I can't pick her up in my truck - it's a 3/4 ton and too high for her to get into, and too dangerous if she could (in case she fell). And I feel kind of funny asking her out and then asking "Hey, can we take your car?" Makes me seem like a shmuck.
I thought about meeting at a place, but that would only work the first time (obviously I hope there is more than one date), and it doesn't quite send the message I want to send. I want her to know I'm interested, and I don't want her to think I just want to hang out as buddies. And do I EVER offer to push her? Normally, I wouldn't, but with the winter weather here, I can imagine that she might actually need a little mobility assistance in certain situations.
And, how do you hug someone in a wheelchair without it being, and making them feel, awkward? Bend over? Drop to a knee?
These may seem like silly questions, but I would really like to make her feel as comfortable as possible, and I am at a loss as to how to accomplish some of these "dating" tasks that I'd normally give no thought to. Add to that the fact that it's been years since I've been on a date, and will likely be as nervous as a schoolboy about it.
Anyway, if any of ya'll in here have some experience along these lines, or anything helpful to add, I'd appreciate any advice.
Anyway, here's the deal. It's now been a year and a half since my divorce, and I've finally decided to start dating again. There is one girl in particular that I'd like to ask out, but I'm not sure of the etiquette involved.
She uses a wheelchair (due to "Brittle Bone" Disease) and I haven't the faintest idea how I should ask her on a date - it's the logistical aspects that have me stumped (I can handle the actual asking part). I know I can't pick her up in my truck - it's a 3/4 ton and too high for her to get into, and too dangerous if she could (in case she fell). And I feel kind of funny asking her out and then asking "Hey, can we take your car?" Makes me seem like a shmuck.
I thought about meeting at a place, but that would only work the first time (obviously I hope there is more than one date), and it doesn't quite send the message I want to send. I want her to know I'm interested, and I don't want her to think I just want to hang out as buddies. And do I EVER offer to push her? Normally, I wouldn't, but with the winter weather here, I can imagine that she might actually need a little mobility assistance in certain situations.
And, how do you hug someone in a wheelchair without it being, and making them feel, awkward? Bend over? Drop to a knee?
These may seem like silly questions, but I would really like to make her feel as comfortable as possible, and I am at a loss as to how to accomplish some of these "dating" tasks that I'd normally give no thought to. Add to that the fact that it's been years since I've been on a date, and will likely be as nervous as a schoolboy about it.
Anyway, if any of ya'll in here have some experience along these lines, or anything helpful to add, I'd appreciate any advice.
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F F F FH. 0 -
quote: F F F FH.
I'm afraid I don't know the code. Can you elaborate?0 -
What are you askin' us, for? Ask her! 0 -
quote:What are you askin' us, for? Ask her!
Well, maybe you could slip her a note from me after gym class and...
Seriously though, that is good advice, and I thought about it, but decided that I would gather as much advanced intel as possible before I started to go to her for answers. Not to make a date sound like an op, but I thought it would be a better date all around if I could be handsomely resourceful [;)]0 -
First i would suggest see about renting a ramp van. I would imagine you could get one where her chair could be secured on the passenger side....and then only go to "accessible" places. As far as the intimacy parts, it might be worth signing onto this forum and asking you question there.
I too am chair bound, and these people will have the right answers..
http://www.wheelchairjunkie.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=3
G'luck.[:)]0 -
just ask her, don't worry about all them problems, she can probly get around as good as you with minimal help. i know a guy with a wood leg that out ran me in track[:0] 0 -
Brad -
1) Ask her what she likes to do
2) Tell her how nervous you are because yatatayata
3) She will help you out 'cause she KNOWS how awkward this can be
4) Maybe suggest taking a cab, if they are available - that also allows both of you to drink.
5) Talk to her frankly - maybe she would like a movie night at her place with you bringing dinner and the movie - Chinese food, Kentucky Fried Rat, probably not pizza unless she asks for it. Nice wine if she drinks.
6) Be RELAXED and easy going and funny.
7) just let it happen
If you need more advice, just ask me - everyone here knows that I'm infallible.
Good luck, and be sure to give us a range report.
Doug0 -
Sky,
I have a couple of lady friends that use chairs - although not girlfriends. Look, you both aren't in your teens. Chill a little here - she is quite ready to talk about all the things you have brought up. Give her a chance to help you over your concerns. I remember the first time I pulled into a handicapped parking place with one of my pals but it wasn't a big deal. Just ask her out and say what you have planned and talk about being on a chair details. She will have the answers. I'm no cupid but let us know how this works out.0 -
I could probably use a little of the "chill" advice. I can handle a whole company at close order drill without breaking a sweat, but I'm having trouble planning a date with one beautiful girl. Go figure. 0 -
Manners=making people feel comfortable. You are showing good manners by being concerned about her being comfortable. If she has good manners then everything is going to work out even if one or both of you make little moreys/mistakes. 0 -
Get everything you need to cook her dinner at her place. That way there is no mobility issue! 0 -
quote:Originally posted by slipgate
Get everything you need to cook her dinner at her place. That way there is no mobility issue!
That's not good advice for a first date, although I think you gave the advice with the best of intentions.
First dates should almost always be in a public setting unless you know each other fairly well already. There's just too much craziness in the world (he said-she said) that dictates this rule of thumb.
I agree that you should just bring it up. Ask her out on the date. After she says, "Yes" then you can work out the details. Let her know that you simply want to do what is most comfortable for her. You may just be surprised that it doesn't matter what sort of vehicle she is in, etc.0 -
Rent a nice car...take her out in style! I mean like a jaguar, not a chrysler 300. I don't know what your budget is, but it may be fun. 0 -
quote:Originally posted by SkyWatcher
quote: F F F FH.
I'm afraid I don't know the code. Can you elaborate?
I think it is something like...
F ind her
F lip her
F ornicate her
F orget her
Or some such drivel.0 -
Be a gentleman, not a show off. Back in the 1930's my grandfather went on his first date with my grandmother, and instead of buying flowers, got her a bunch of oranges, and told her "I wish they were diamonds".
Seriously, I'd just say the following to the girl we'll call "Sue":
"Hi, Sue, do you want to go to dinner with me friday? I was thinking about X food."
When she says "yes", you say:
"Forgive me for asking, but I am not sure how you transport your wheelchair."
You'll get into a discussion about that, and she'll tell you how to do it.
RELAX!!
One thing I have learned is that no matter who the person is, as long as they are an adult, they are a. every bit as nervous and insecure as the next person, and b. every bit as flattered to be asked out as the next person. Even if she says "no", you've made her day by showing her that someone was interested in her.0 -
Ask her out.
Worry about the details, AFTER she says yes.
BE HONEST with her about your concerns. Be a gentleman.
She might say no!!! Then all this worry is just a waste of time!!!!
Good luck!!
Ed0 -
Any relationship is a learning experience. With the time of year it is, ask her what she would like Santa to bring her or if there is a special place or moment that she would would really like that is usually not available to her for one reason or another. She knows that she is challenged physically, but she is a lady and wants respect and not pity. Look her in the eye and speak the truth and above all except her for who she is and what she means to you. LOL 0 -
quote:Originally posted by tomahawk
just ask her, don't worry about all them problems, she can probly get around as good as you with minimal help. i know a guy with a wood leg that out ran me in track[:0]
Was he named Smith? [:D]0 -
Look her in the eye and speak the truth and above all except her for who she is and what she means to you. LOL
I think you meant to type "accept".............0
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