A post from a woman gone crazy
What's it goin to take? What's it going to take for me to snap out of the feeling of being ever so lost. It seems happiness for some is being able to stand on you own two feet. I'm in the best shape financially I've ever been. I just receive a check from my mom to pay my truck off, my only monthly bill. I live in a house my dad gave me. He pays my utillities and the for car I drive.
But I'm just not happy. I'm not happy. I'M AM NOT HAPPY!!! and I don't know why.
My soul mate it dead. Nothing I can do will ever bring him back. I have his son, but he looks and acts like me. It seems like he's truly gone and there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm not the same woman I was then and will never be again. The woman back then was happy. She was loving, not a care in the world. She was always dead broke, but she was happy. I miss that woman. I miss her so much. They laid her in the ground along side her soul mate. She's just as dead.
I just want to run away and start over maybe a new name and face.
I just want to find that happy blue eyed red head I once was.
I'm just so tired of being here. so tired of having to face all my fears. I'm so tired of feeling so lost. If he had to leave why can't he just let me go. Why can't I let him go. I can't live the rest of my life like this. There's too much that time cannot erase.
Traci
But I'm just not happy. I'm not happy. I'M AM NOT HAPPY!!! and I don't know why.
My soul mate it dead. Nothing I can do will ever bring him back. I have his son, but he looks and acts like me. It seems like he's truly gone and there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm not the same woman I was then and will never be again. The woman back then was happy. She was loving, not a care in the world. She was always dead broke, but she was happy. I miss that woman. I miss her so much. They laid her in the ground along side her soul mate. She's just as dead.
I just want to run away and start over maybe a new name and face.
I just want to find that happy blue eyed red head I once was.
I'm just so tired of being here. so tired of having to face all my fears. I'm so tired of feeling so lost. If he had to leave why can't he just let me go. Why can't I let him go. I can't live the rest of my life like this. There's too much that time cannot erase.
Traci
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Traci - I am very sorry for your loss. I can't add much to the previous posts, except from my own personal experiences. I, too, lost my soulmate, of 38 years, and, you're right, IT HURTS! It's been 8 years now and I still miss her everyday. HOWEVER, although the hurt is still there, it is more a dull ache than a sharp pain. In your case, as mine, the pain will never go away, but it WILL grow less intense. You still have your soulmate in your heart and mind, as well as your son. Just hang in there and DON'T GIVE UP!!!!! If you would like to talk one on one, send me a PM and we'll talk. Again, you have my deepest condolences. 0 -
Maybe time for a vacation? Just get away from it all. Get out to the middle of no where and get back in touch with yourself.
Grief and death can be very depressing experiences, but they don't have to be.
The good lord was ready for your soulmate to join him. And they will be waiting for you when your time comes. You will see him again. Just give it time.
Meanwhile, cherish the greatest memory of him that you have, your son.
He will grow up fast. Spend as much time as you possibly can with him. A couple days of R&R is the best thing you could use right now. It's fishing/boating season, get back out there. I'll be on Racoon(Harden) in a few weeks and I'm looking forward to it!0 -
quote:Originally posted by Slow_Hand
quote:...you'd benefit from professional help and perhaps medication. No shame in that....
....Sometimes faith, time, your support system, material things, just aren't enough.....
I agree that speaking with a profesional may help to shed some light on how to recognize the opportunity to improve your outlook on life.
"No man (woman) is an island." Talking through things with another person, especially one who is unbiased and emotionally detached from you, is sometimes all that is needed. I believe that within each of us are many of the life-changing answers we seek. Speaking with a professional often helps a person to uncover and recognize those life-changing answers.
Pax vobiscum, Cutiegirlracing.
I agree that you may benefit from professional help. Lots of people need some help to get through rough patches in their lives. What do you have to loose? It just might help and it certainly won't hurt. Depression can be a terrible downward spiral. The sooner it is recognized and treated the better the prognosis.
I wish you well.0 -
Traci,
You state that happiness to some is standing on their own 2 feet. Then you state your house was given to you, and your truck has been paid off for you. This to many seems like a dream come true,..but to others, can be seen as very anticlimactic or dissapointing afterwards. There is no sense of accomplishment. As someone who often will overthink or overanalyze things (probably why I am a BenchRest and LR hunting enthusiast) I find that quite often the things that will pick me up from a "funk" and or make me feel better about things in general, is to have done it all on my own, no matter what or how small the project is. Throw yourself into things you want and or enjoy. How about a remodeling project?? a few engines that are behind their finish dates??? some outside work around the house?? becoming a better rifle shot??? anything at all. Go full bore into the things you think or feel need finishing or completion. These activities always lift me up and give me a better outlook,..reason being, you are moving in a POSITIVE direction and your feelings will follow the accomplishment of these things.
also, get a good counselor and have weekly talks with them. Your depression/greif/anxiety will fade MUCH faster with the help of someone trained to deal with these things. No shame in it at all,.....you can't imagine how many times I have given out a phone number a short time after folks hear me talk out in the open about a counselor.
best..0 -
quote:Originally posted by sarge_3ad
All I can say Traci is sorry, but "Wow", look at the support these fine GB friends are giving you. They have some very good advice and it's wonderful. I've never was too good at words, but pretty good a bringing on a smile now and then.
I too had some troubles and still do. Life hasn't been that great for the past year, and I have been to a doctor and was prescribe meds for depression. I do think they help, But just the other day I decided not to dwell on my problems and live in the now. That seems to have helped my attitude, and made me feel a little better. Things aren't so dim now.
Here's a Hug and a Smile, and Best Wishes. I feel for you.
Sarge
+ 1[8D]I'ts not about the circumstances,it's about the journey and the lense of perspective with which we see it. Even modern day psychology is coming along side of the words contained in the book of Phillpians Chapter 4;80 -
quote:Originally posted by Cutiegirlracing
What's it goin to take? What's it going to take for me to snap out of the feeling of being ever so lost. It seems happiness for some is being able to stand on you own two feet. I'm in the best shape financially I've ever been. I just receive a check from my mom to pay my truck off, my only monthly bill. I live in a house my dad gave me. He pays my utillities and the for car I drive.
But I'm just not happy. I'm not happy. I'M AM NOT HAPPY!!! and I don't know why.
My soul mate it dead. Nothing I can do will ever bring him back. I have his son, but he looks and acts like me. It seems like he's truly gone and there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm not the same woman I was then and will never be again. The woman back then was happy. She was loving, not a care in the world. She was always dead broke, but she was happy. I miss that woman. I miss her so much. They laid her in the ground along side her soul mate. She's just as dead.
I just want to run away and start over maybe a new name and face.
I just want to find that happy blue eyed red head I once was.
I'm just so tired of being here. so tired of having to face all my fears. I'm so tired of feeling so lost. If he had to leave why can't he just let me go. Why can't I let him go. I can't live the rest of my life like this. There's too much that time cannot erase.
Traci
Trust me from experiance running away and starting over isnt going to solve anything trust me ive done this about 5 times now and that does not work. Funny how you sound like alot and exaclty like sonme of those sappy pop songs. I really hope youll be ok though. Give yourself some time perhaps a vacation to escape from your troubles the answer will come in the form of a dream or perhaps insigt from a close friend. Youll be ok trust me.0 -
Please try to cheer up. For God's sake, there are people right now who have such a miserable existance, compared to yours, that they would change places with you in a heartbeat. 0 -
What ever you do; don't do it alone.
Turn to God for comfort and a place to feel trust.
Turn to professional help for perspective to help you grow again. You must stay strong and focused for your child.0 -
CGR, listen to Bpost's last post.
Were all here if you need us. Running away from life will not get you anywhere. Listen to the folk.
Sorry.
Jacob0 -
You have not lost your soulmate. He is there, taking care of you. Look at all the positive things in your life...your guardian angel made it possible. He wants you to enjoy the rest of your life here on Earth, taking care of his (and your) son.
You have to somehow find a way to let go. You are young, you got to continue on with your life. Don't close your eyes to other men. Be open, you may find another soul mate, someone who's path in life was steered by your soulmate in Heaven to find you, to take care of you while he is gone.
You'll see your soulmate in your son once he matures and becomes a man. That's what little boys do. Be strong and you'll see the transformation.
Take solice in knowing that one day you'll be reunited with your soulmate...in another world...a better place.
Good luck to you, CGR.
God bless.0 -
There's a powerful lot of good advice, hope, and prayers here for you Traci.
I also believe that you need to be as active as possible, maybe in helping other folks, from time to time, who are in need. Spend as much quality time with your son as you possibly can, and the more frequent, the better.
Staying busy and having a sense of accomplishment for a job well done, does wonders for a heavy heart. Also, just knowing that other people need and want your comany or help is powerful medicine, too.
There have been times in my life when my problems were bigger than I alone could handle. During these trying times, I have got on my knees and asked the Good Lord to bear my burdens for me as they were too heavy for me to carry. He's never let me down, and He's always there waiting to help anyone who will ask. Hang in there Traci. My prayers will be with you and your son, too.0 -
Traci...I know someone who can and will fill that void...all you have to do is ask Him...Jesus Christ. 0 -
I feel sorry for your Mother and Father, (NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED)
My Wife's Daughter age 49 lost her so called "soul mate" a year ago and moved in with us, We opened our home up to her for a year and now we are no good so and so's.0 -
Traci, I've found in my short life that if you truly love somebody, they will ALWAYS be with you, even long after they're gone from your life. Their spirit lives on in you and your son, and he will always be there for as long as you remember him.
You'll never be able to fully replace him, but you will eventually be able to move on. You may feel like you're being unfaithful, but I bet that if he loved you even half as much as you love him, he would understand, and encourage you to find someone to help you move on. Just because you may find somebody else down the road doesn't mean he's gone from your life, because he never will be.
This is the time to stay as involved with your family and friends as much as possible. Find someone you can confide your every thought and feeling in, and then do just that. Time doesn't heal wounds to the soul, but time does make them hurt a little bit less.
I feel for you, Traci. If there's anything I can do for you, just shoot me an email.0 -
First, I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you've been through. But there is hope for you and his name is Jesus Christ. ONLY through leaning on him for strength will you persevere through this. I've been going through some personal stuff lately, not nearly this serious, but it is only when I rely on Him that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I pray for you and your family that you would continue together with Christ leading the way. 0 -
... reaching out for help is a good sign. Don't stop here, go for the professional help and take the child with you. You both have to face it together and be there for each other.
Reach out to the ones that can help and grasp on tight.
Moose0
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