How to Win at an IRS Audit
Hopefully this hasn't been posted before -
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney.
"This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
[:D]
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney.
"This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
[:D]
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LMAO..[:D][:D] Have a closing tomorrow will tell my Attorney. He will get a good laugh out of it. 0 -
Nice. 0 -
Oooooh That hurt my belly laughing muscles!!! 0 -
It ain't that funny, cost me 20 grand!!!
[;)]0 -
Well, it's an oldie, but any time the IRS loses I am for it. I recently had the state people admit they lost the paperwork and they gave me a $79 energy rebate. Beats the $4500 they wanted to start! 0 -
Good one!![:)][:)] 0 -
NICE ONE!! 0 -
quote:Originally posted by mateomasfeo
It ain't that funny, cost me 20 grand!!!
[;)]
Should not have bet me. Don0 -
I believe in the original it was piss all over the IRS dude, his desk, his office and he'd be happy. One way or another, it's still a good joke. 0 -
[:D][:D][:D][:D] 0 -
quote:Originally posted by dcon12
quote:Originally posted by mateomasfeo
It ain't that funny, cost me 20 grand!!!
[;)]
Should not have bet me. Don
Go on now you ol Georgia Peach! Reckon so0 -
love it[:D] 0 -
Love it Matty! Love it!!!![:D][:I] 0 -
I'm going to have ot try that one![:D] 0 -
That a great one! 0
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