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Funeral Traditions

Captplaid
I have to say it. I think it's weird to throw shovels of dirt onto the casket in the grave. Have a grave side service and walk away while. Let the cemetery workers do their job.

I think it is strange to pass the shovel. I would feel like it's a disrespectful way of saying "Yeah, I'm so glad your gone, I can't wait to get you six feet under."

Just seems like a real weird tradition to me.

Speaking to weird things. The last funeral home I was at in the St. Louis area had a GIFT SHOP inside the funeral home! Gift shop? It's a little late for the "Get Well Soon" balloons. What are you really going to do with gift from the funeral home?
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Comments

19 comments

Date Votes
  • buschmaster
    send someone a hint.
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  • Henry0Reilly
    I've never attended a funeral where the mourners threw dirt into the hole, although I have heard of it.

    re: gift shop - this wasn't quite that bad but when my mother passed away from cancer I noticed that the funeral home had a solicitation board for the American Cancer Society (the stick a quarter in the slot kind of thing) on display. That really rubbed me the wrong way or perhaps it was a way to express some of my grief through anger.
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  • bobski
    very common in old religions. and was practiced in prairie funerals because they had to. ever try digging hole by yourself? its a lot of dirt, thus the shovel was passed.
    i buried my dad. i had to let the gravemaster line it out and pour the foundation as per code. i dug the hole. put him in, and patted it down. it is the last act of respect a son can do. especially in light of the fact that i was the son of a general contractor. he'd been upset if hired someone to do it and waste moms money. [:I]

    more families should do it. was it easy? no. its not suppose to be. but it teaches you to respect life and the living and the memory of who left.
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  • sheepdip
    bobski said:

    " especially in light of the fact that i was the son of a general contractor. he'd been upset if hired someone to do it and waste moms money. "

    Thats a good one bobski. bigtup.gif
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  • slipgate
    I've been to a lot of funerals but never one where the shovel was passed. But then again, the casket was always sitting above the hole and hadn't been lowered.

    Typically we all get a flower and put it on the casket. The pall bearers (usually me) got a different colored flower.

    I guess if the shovel was passed it would be symbolic that you helped bury the deceased.
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  • Slow_Hand
    I've neve been to one like that myself but I can see where it might help to make the burial of a loved one more personal and less antiseptic.
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  • rossowmn
    At the funerals I have attended, the casket isn't lowered until after the mourners leave. Then cemetery workers lower the casket and fill the grave.

    When my brother died in a car crash at age 30 in 1982, my other brother and I and a few close friends dug the grave, just as a sign of respect for a life ended too soon. When my father died in '02 at 88, I didn't know or care who dug the grave. He was old and ailing, and it was time for him to go.
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  • spryor
    It could be a "now it's us, and we're in this thing together" type
    gesture.[:)]
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  • Crittergitter
    I started my own tradition.

    I always stop at a bar and have a double martini with two olives before I attend a funeral.
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  • Mossbergboogie
    After my grandmothers death a year ago we all went back to the house and had a beer in her honor.
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  • Captplaid
    quote:Originally posted by chrishiher
    After my grandmothers death a year ago we all went back to the house and had a beer in her honor.


    Knew a guy in college that was studying Mortuary Science. Ironicly, we called him Smiley. He was a very happy guy. Anyway, he did work at a funeral home during the summers. He said there was one funeral where the family shared a case of beer on the funeral homes front lawn at the end of the visitation.

    When my uncles step father died, the immediate family sat in a room off to the side. During the funeral my mom was making faces at my aunt, trying to get her to laugh. No one liked this guy. He was a wicked cruel man. Everyone was rather glad to see him finally go. No tears there actually.
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  • mr_floppy
    I've heard about some funeral parlors that had a drive thru window so you could pay your respects. California if I recall.
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  • LOKO383
    I dont know about other states,but here in our county of ohio,if a funeral procession goes by everybody pulls off the side of the road and stops till all the cars go by that are in the funeral line,just a show of respect,i have lived in NC-VA WVA-FLA and didnt witness this happen there,not a law just respect.
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  • bigtire
    My dad hated to see money wasted on funerals. He thought funeral homes ripped people off when they were most vulnerable. I do too.

    He made us promise that we would take care of his remains as cheaply as possible. When he died we had him cremated. Absolutely no extras except a $75 guest book at the Catholic mass. We even provided the urn, it was a chromed and engraved 105mm howitzer shell that was presented to him during his military career. It still cost $3200!
    What a ripoff!

    We considered donating his body to a medical school but my mother just could'nt do it.
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  • 11b6r
    Have attended funeral for Jewish friend. Very straightforward funeral. Tradition includes inviting friends of the deceased to help bury their friend. Yeah, you fill in the grave. Final respect.
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  • Blade Slinger
    It seems to me as of late calling hours are not for public showing, nor is the funeral. Im adopting this policy for myself and my family agrees. After all who enjoyes this sort of thing anyway, better to remember them the way they were, alive.
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  • spurgemastur
    I've never seen it with the shovel, but I have seen mourners throw a handful of the soil onto the casket. I always thought the mourners' participation in the back-filling of the grave was a ritual acceptance of death. I can see the respect angle, too.

    And the gift shop...[xx(]
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  • fishermanben
    I want to make my own coffin. It really pisses me off that funerals cost so much. One would think that at least death could be free. I'm with bigtire's Dad. There just isn't any reason to spend that kind of money to put a body in the ground.

    "'oh bury me not', and then his voice failed there, but we could not heed his dying prayer. In a shallow grave just six by three, we buried him there on the lone prarie."--Johnny Cash
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  • Txs
    I don't get judgemental of how others handle these affairs. Grief is a very personal issue, meaning there's no right or wrong way.

    I'm also not on board with a person deciding how their own services will be handled. Memorial services or funerals are actually conducted to help the survivors put their grief to rest and they should be allowed the opportunity to do this in a manner that works for them.
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